Chapter Thirty Four: Plans and Admissions - Part Two

****Star****

The next morning we each had conflicting feelings about leaving our mountain retreat. We enjoyed having time to ourselves, but admitted that we were anxious to get back to Appaloosa to see Maggie. Halfway there, I noticed that Jeff stopped talking and I tried to patiently wait for him to tell me whatever he was trying to work through in his head.

“Maggie stayed at Robert and Regina’s last night.” His statement startled me; not because I was shocked from her staying with them, but from his sudden outburst of the information.

I nodded. “I’m sure she had fun.” I offered, hoping that it would help him reveal the reason for his declaration. The car filled with silence instead and I tried to remain patient as I waited for him to continue, occupying myself by watching the scenery that passed by my window.

“They’re bringing her to Mom’s and should arrive there soon before we do.” He finally continued his thought and I glanced over at him. I knew he still wasn’t thrilled that I wanted to talk to them alone, but by him mentioning that they would be at the ranch when we arrived I also knew that he’d accepted that I wanted to do it.

“Do you think that it would be better to talk to them there, rather than going to their house?” I hadn’t imagined having the conversation at the Hobble Ranch but the idea was more pleasing.

He quickly nodded. “Yes.”

“And you promise to stay out of the room, and not listen from the hallway?” I hinted. His head slowly turned and he studied me for a moment before turning his attention back to the road. The slow slump of his shoulders and sigh signaled that I thwarted his plan and he gave his complete surrender.

“Yes.” He whispered and I reassuringly patted his leg.

An hour later we pulled up to the ranch gate and the sight of Robert and Regina’s car on the other side made my stomach start to do flips. I completely believed that the impending conversation needed to happen, but as the time drew near I couldn’t stop my nerves from wreaking havoc on my stomach. Once Jeff parked the car, he hurried over to my door and the reassuring squeeze he gave my hand as I exited surprised me. I realized then that I must have done something for him to know that I was nervous.

“Look, Maggie! They’re here!” Amanda’s voice interrupted any thoughts that Jeff was about to voice and we turned our attention to the door. She walked out of the house while holding Maggie and the smile she gave us as we walked towards them made my heart feel like it might burst. She squirmed in Amanda’s arms as she tried to turn around and held out her arms towards Jeff as he rushed over to grab her.

“Maggie Pie!” He gushed as he hugged and kissed her. “We missed you!” He said right as I joined him and she immediately looked at me and held her arms out. The completely happy and tender smile that Jeff gave me as he released Maggie into my arms convinced me that my heart would indeed burst from my chest at any moment.

“Did you start walking while we were gone?” I playfully asked once I held her and she giggled at me.

“No, but I swear it won’t be long.” Amanda admitted and I looked up to see that my Mom, Chuck, Robert and Regina had also ventured out of the house. I hoped that as we each greeted each other that there wasn’t any awkwardness on my part, worrying that my nervousness would make them believe that I had an issue with them, and it reaffirmed the reason for the pending conversation.

Amanda ushered everyone back into the house and I almost immediately handed Maggie back to Jeff. I didn’t dare look at him as I did, afraid that his expression would extinguish the small flame of bravery that was left, and instead turned my attention to Robert and Regina. I discreetly asked to talk to them in the living room and as I began to follow them, I glanced one last time at Jeff and Maggie, not knowing what I’d see when I did. His nod and the reassurance I saw in his eyes gave me the boost of confidence I needed to continue into the room and I vaguely noticed Jeff leading his parents away as I sat down on the couch opposite of Robert and Regina.

Chapter Twenty Eight: Sessions

This chapter and the two prior were very much influenced by the song provided below. If you'd like, you can click on it and listen while you read. Thanks so much for reading!

****Jeff****

For the past four months I had been talking to someone about what happened. I hated saying that I was going to a psychologist, but I technically was. I couldn’t help but chuckle as I sat in one of the chairs, waiting for my appointment time. I would have never guessed that I would ever resort to talking to one of these “doctors,” but after Star had started seeing one and I saw how she was slowly becoming less and less jumpy, I had been convinced by her and Bridge to give it a try.

The first appointment had been a joke; at least I had thought it was. I looked at some pictures and told him what I saw and then we had briefly talked about why I thought I was there. I couldn’t believe that someone had gone to school to learn to interpret ink blots and to have the “patient” tell them what they thought was wrong. Wasn’t that what they were supposed to do? But for some reason, I had gone back the next week and as much as I hated to admit it, it was nice to be able to talk to someone and not feel judged. And the fact that he couldn’t repeat what I said was a reassurance as well.

“Hi, Jeff. Why don’t you come on in.” He said to me from his office door and I stood up and walked into his office. We took our normal positions, him sitting in one chair, me in the other and we then started our normal conversation. 

“So, how’s you week been?” He asked me.

I shrugged. “Good.” 

He smiled and nodded. “Just, good. . .?”

I sighed. “Well, my divorce was finalized on Wednesday.”

He nodded again. “How do you feel about that.”

Chapter Twenty Seven: A Ray of Sunshine: Bridge

****Star****

I looked down at the phone in my hand and fought with myself about what I should do. It had been three weeks since that morning and things couldn’t have been any more of a mess. Peter was furious with Jeff, something that I was still trying to understand; I was still jumping at every sound and finding it hard to focus, which wasn’t a good thing since school had started. But what had me the most concerned was Jeff. He had met with Rosamund’s parents a week after that morning and ever since then, he had hidden away in his room. The only time I had seen him was when he had gotten his stitches out. That had been a week ago and the only way I knew that he was still okay, was that Maggie wasn’t crying hysterically and every once in a while, I would hear him close his door or there would be evidence of him making a bottle in the kitchen.

I had tried several times to beg him to come out or to let me in but he never answered me. Part of me understood that maybe he needed time alone to sort out what had happened, but then there was a part of me that worried that for the better part of two weeks, he hadn’t really emerged from his bedroom. I knew he was hurting and he didn’t want to talk to me and I had tried to get Peter to talk to him but he had scoffed at the idea. 

As each day had passed, I worried more and more about him being locked in his room until I had finally reached the point where I was at that moment; holding my phone wondering if I should call the only person I could think of that could help him. I knew he would be mad at me for butting in, but I was to the point that my worry for him was greater than my concern about him getting mad.

I took a big breath and selected the number and as I listened to the ringing, I started to once again question if I was making the right decision.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Bridge?”

“Oh, hi Star!” She suddenly got quiet and very serious. “What’s wrong? Something’s wrong isn’t it? You wouldn’t be calling me if there wasn’t. . .”

I sighed. “He’s locked himself and Maggie in his room, Bridge. And I know that he’s upset and embarrassed, and who knows what else, but it’s been over three weeks. . .He came out to get his stiches removed and then he went right back to locking himself away.”

“Is he taking care of Maggie?” She wondered.

“That I can tell, yes. But I have to wonder about himself. I know he’s not eating much, there’s hardly any food missing from the fridge and he spends so little time outside the room, he doesn’t have time to make himself anything.”

“Shit.” She sighed. “I worried he’d do this, since he holds stuff in.” She paused for a moment. “And you’ve tried to talk to him?”

“Yes, repeatedly. I’ve begged him to come out. I just don’t know what else to do. . .”

“I’ll be there in the morning. I need to see if Mom can watch my four during the days while Carson’s at work. I’m sure she’ll agree, but I need to make sure everything’s in order here before I travel there.”

“Okay.”

“And Star?”

Chapter Twenty Six: Me and My Maggie Pie

 ****Jeff****

Several days after the incident, I had to beg Mom and Bridge to leave. They had hovered over me and while I understood their concern, I just wanted to try to move past what happened; something that seemed impossible while they were there. It felt like one of them was waiting around every corner of the house, watching and waiting for any sign that I would lose it or break down. What I needed was time alone and to get that, they had to leave. I had pretended to be better that I was in hopes that they would decide to leave, and finally after three days, the day of their departure had arrived. But as they were packing their belongings in the car, Mom was fretting over me again.

“You’re sure you’ll be okay?” Mom wondered. “I’m worried about you.” She placed a hand on my arm and furrowed her brow with worry.

“I’m fine, Mom. It’s okay.” I lied; hoping that she wasn’t aware that I was.

“You’ll call if you need something?” She asked and I nodded.

“Plus, Star and Peter are here. . .” I added and she seemed to be happy with that information.

“That goes for me, too. If you need anything Jeff, you can call me too.” Bridge offered and I nodded as I looked at the ground. It had been bad enough that Mom had been there when everything had happened, but Bridge. . .That caused me to feel even more ashamed than almost anything. I had always looked up to her and wanted to make her proud. What I had allowed to happen days ago and what had led up to it was something that I didn’t know if I would ever stop feeling ashamed about.

“You two should get going.” I suggested as I looked back up at them. They both had an unsure expression and I knew that the only way that they were going to leave was for me to act like I was okay. “I’m fine. Really.  I’m still sore and still in shock a little, but I’m okay.” They both reluctantly nodded.

“You promise? You’ll call if you need anything?” She begged as we hugged.

“Yes. I promise.” She pulled away and touched my cheek before moving to the side so Bridge and I could say goodbye.

“Don’t think you’re fooling me.” She whispered in my ear as we hugged. “Please, Jeff, don’t try to hold this in. . .you need to eventually talk to someone about this.” She tried to convince me and I once again found myself lying.

“I know. I will eventually.” She looked at me and I could tell that she didn’t believe me but she squeezed my hand and nodded. They slowly got into the car and waved as the car inched its way down the street. I unenthusiastically waved after them and once the car was out of sight, I walked up the stairs and quietly stepped into the house.  When we had gone outside to say goodbye, no one had been downstairs so I was surprised when I turned around and saw Star in the kitchen.  

Chapter Twenty Five: The Final Act of Desperation

This chapter is a little shorter than others, but sometimes big things come in small packages. ;) Thanks so much for reading!

****Jeff****

I was awoken around seven by a noise and I sat straight up and my heart raced as I frantically looked around the room. I sat perfectly still as I stared at the door, wondering if I was soon going to see Rosamund barge through it. I felt relief wash over me as I heard Maggie making sucking noises from her crib and I smiled as I got up from the bed. As I reached the crib, I looked down and watched her thinking that she had to be the most beautiful baby girl on the planet.

I was about to pick her up when heard my phone notify me that I had a new test message and headed to the nightstand to check it. I prayed that it wasn’t Rosamund and was relieved when I saw that the message was from Mom.

Should be there in the next two hours. Cant’ wait to see you and Maggie!

I stood blankly looking at the text. After the fiasco a couple of hours ago, I had completely forgotten that Mom was coming to visit. What was I going to tell her? How would she respond? I had never heard Mom complain like others that I had married Rosamund, but in the last year I could tell that even she thought it hadn’t been the wisest decision. Would she tell me that now? How would others respond? Would they pity me or would they say they told me so about her?

Maggie made another noise and I looked down at her. It was about time for her feeding and I needed to get her a bottle. I quickly put on a shirt and then picked her up. As I walked out to the kitchen I didn’t hear any indication that either Star or Peter was up and I was again relieved since I really didn’t want to see anyone at that moment. 

I stood in the kitchen as I waited for the bottle to heat up and my thoughts went to Mom and how I wished that she wasn’t coming; all I wanted was to be alone with Maggie and to shut out the rest of the world. I knew that wasn’t going to be possible once Mom got there though; I hurriedly heated up the bottle and rushed to the bedroom, hoping to get some time to collect my thoughts before Mom showed up. Right as I opened the door, I heard footsteps starting to come down the stairs and I promptly closed and locked the door.

****Star****

I started to walk down the stairs and thought I heard Jeff’s bedroom door. As I peeked around the corner I saw the door closing and then heard it lock. To say I was relieved would have been an understatement. I knew how uncomfortable Jeff was going to be around us after what happened hours ago, and to be honest, I was going to be uncomfortable; some of the exchanges that had occurred were more than embarrassing for me. The actual reason why Peter and I broke up hadn’t been revealed, but it was obvious now that it somehow involved Jeff. It had to have been since the three of us knew and he didn’t. But with all that had happened, I wasn’t sure if Jeff had caught on to that or if he was too engrossed in what he had gone through to notice.

Chapter Twenty Four: Seeing For the First Time

So I left you wonderful readers with quite the cliffhanger for a couple of months. . .Sorry! It's been challenging to figure out how to write both this story and Listening after school started. I also had Rosamund overload. . .I can only take so much of her. lol! Hopefully, I'll be able to publish chapters on a more frequent basis. Thanks for your patience! Hope this was worth the wait! ;)

 

****Jeff****

Right before the pizza arrived I noticed that Rosamund had come out of the bedroom. I had never heard her come out and wondered how long it had been since she had come out. She walked over to where I was and looked down at Maggie laying in the bassinet. “I’m sorry that I got upset earlier. My emotions have just been all over the place lately.”

I nodded. “I should have told you that Star and Peter were going to be here. I just didn’t want to upset you before we got home.”

“I know. It’s okay.” I heard a door slam and I saw Peter come out of the doorway that led to the rooftop. He walked past us and started to go up the stairs.

“I thought you were hungry?” I called after him.

“I lost my appetite.” He said as he continued to walk up the stairs and I then heard him slam his door.

I looked at Rosamund and then over at Star. “What’s up with him?”

Chapter Twenty Three: A Proposition

So sorry it has been so long since I posted a new chapter! Real life craziness got in the way.

Lots of pictures in this one since there is quite a bit of dialogue.

Thanks so much for being patient and thank you for reading!

 

 ****Star****

As soon as Jeff walked back into the room I turned to walk out of the hospital. I thought that maybe if I acted fast enough I could make it out of the building and not have to talk to him. I had just exited the doors and thought I was home free when I heard his voice behind me. 

“Star, wait.” I really didn’t want to stop. The last thing I wanted to do was to talk to him. We had gone this long without talking so why couldn’t we continue to not talk to each other. “Star, will you please stop and talk to me?” Part of me wanted to keep walking and another part wanted to stop and listen to what he had to say. I would have much rather listened to the part of me that wanted to keep walking but my brain and legs wanted two different things, and even though my brain was telling my legs to keep walking, my legs didn’t want to listen and I found myself stopping just short of my car. The one thing they didn’t seem to want to do was turn around.  So we stood there in silence, not looking at each other for what felt like eons. 

“Star. . .Can you please turn around and look at me?”

“Why?”

He sighed. “Just, please turn around.”

I slowly turned around but I didn’t look at him. “What?”

“What? Star, is there really no way that we could try to get along?”

I looked at him. “Didn’t we just do that?”

“Yes, but. . .I mean without other people around.”

I shrugged. The truth was that I felt horrible about what had happened between Peter and me, because he had been right about how I felt about Jeff. Ever since the day we broke up I had been feeling guilty about everything; about how Peter’s and my relationship ended, how I felt like I unintentionally led him on, how I had been so stupid to not even realize my own feelings towards Jeff,  my married best friend. 

“I’m just, I’m so sorry, Star. I wish things were different, that somehow we all could have avoided this.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Peter.”

He looked stunned. “Umm. . .yeah I do. I said several things on Christmas Eve that was way out of line.”

“You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” I admitted and closed my eyes.

“Star, you don’t. . .”

“. . .Have to admit that you were right? Why not. It’s the truth and it’s why I have to move out. I know Rosamund knows. I don’t know how, but she looks at me differently now. Before it was like she was trying to figure out for sure if I had feelings for Jeff, but now, it’s like she knows; and I swear she’s trying to make me feel uncomfortable.  Which, she should since after all, I do have feelings for him.”

“Now that you mention it, I’ve kind of gotten that same impression.” I figured that if we both thought that, then she must somehow know. I just wanted to scream. Every one of our lives was a mess. Jeff’s because he had allowed himself to fall for Rosamund, me because I couldn’t get over my feelings for Jeff, and Peter’s because he had gotten in the middle of this mess, which was my fault. “What is it Star?”

Chapter Twenty Two: A Ray of Sunshine - Margaret Regina

“Why do we have to name her what you want to? Why can’t she have the first name I want?” Rosamund argued. It was the ongoing argument about what we should name our daughter. I wanted to stick with my family tradition of all Hobble children having a British name. It was something that Mom and Dad had started with us kids and all of the grandkids so far had British names. I didn’t want to have the first grandkid that didn’t have one.

“It’s a tradition, Rosamund.”

“But what about my family’s tradition? That all girls have a name starting with an “R”? Why do we have to do yours but not mine?! Afterall, she’ll have your last name.”

We had been having this argument for months. I was hoping that once we arrived in Appaloosa that she might give in but it had only made her dig her heals in even more. I was about at my wits end. We had been staying at her parents’ house for about a month and a half and I’d had about all I could take. I had only seen my family a handful of times since Rosamund’s family monopolized our time. I suppose I could have gone to my parents’ house alone but I wondered what her parents would think. Would they think I was a bad husband for leaving my very pregnant wife while I went out? The last thing I needed was to have Robert or Regina think bad of me. I knew they already thought less of me. Rosamund and I had tried to hide the fact that we didn’t get along much but every once in a while we would argue when they were home.

I was thankful that they had both gone shopping and weren’t there to hear the reoccurring name argument.

“Really? Not this argument again. . .”

“What?! It’s the truth! She’ll have your last name so why can’t she have the first name I want?”

I clenched my fists and closed my eyes. I actually understood her argument and I might have been more receptive to her suggestion if she wasn’t so aggressive about it. It didn’t help that I didn’t feel like she was giving my argument any merit.

“We have to decide something, Jefferson. She could come any day now.”

“It’s still one week before her due date.”

“Anytime means anytime.” She warned. “So why don’t we stop arguing and just go with the name I like. It would make things so much simpler.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. It felt like the walls were starting to close in on me. I walked over to the foyer table and grabbed my keys. “Where are you going?!”

“To my parents’ house. I haven’t seen them since my birthday and I think they might appreciate it if I visited them a little more often, since I am in town, afterall.”

“What if I go into labor?!”

“I have my cell. Plus, you’re not alone; the butlers here.”

“Jefferson! You can’t just leave me! What if something happens to me, or the baby?!”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Rosamund. It’s not like I’m going to a different town. It’s less than three blocks from here.”

“Jefferson! Don’t go we can talk about this. . .” I closed the front door before she could waddle towards it to stop me. 

I got in my car and drove down the hill to my parents’ street. I felt absolutely horrible that I had seen them so rarely while we had been here. I had almost not seen them on my, Charlie, and Bridge’s birthday since Rosamund had tried to keep us from going. She claimed she didn’t feel well and wanted us to stay at her parents instead of celebrating with my family. When I made it clear that I was going to my parents’ house with or without her, she miraculously felt well enough to go. She acted miserable the whole time we were there and I had been completely embarrassed. Even Mom looked unhappy and that was saying a lot. I pulled up to the gate and entered in the code for it to open.

I pulled into the drive and saw that Bridge’s SUV was there. I pulled in behind her and closed the car door. Before I could make it up the stairs the front door was opening. 

“Uncle Jeff!” Charles came running out of the house and hugged me.

“Hey kiddo!” I said as I hugged him back.

“Where’s Aunt Rosamund?” 

“She didn’t feel good today so she didn’t come with.” He nodded and ran back into the house. I followed him in and was immediately bombarded by family.

“Jeff! What are you doing here?” Mom exclaimed as she came out of the kitchen into the hallway.

“I wanted to spend some time with you all before the baby got here. Plus I felt kind of bad about my birthday.”

She nodded and made an unhappy face. “Well, it was definitely. . .something. I’m glad you were able to get away for a bit and visit us. Kate and I are finishing making lunch. Can you stay and eat?”

“You think I’m going to pass up some of your cooking? I’d have to be insane to do that.” She smiled and hugged me before going back into the kitchen.

I noticed someone walking out of the family room and I turned to see who it was. I was Scarlett walking while studying a music book.  She continued to walk with her head in the book until she walked right into me. “Oh! I’m sorry. . .Jeff?”

I laughed. “You wouldn’t have even noticed I was here if you hadn’t run into me.”

She blushed. “Sorry. I was reading. . .”

“. . .About music. What a shock.” I teased her. “Can I at least have a hug?” She smiled and hugged me.

“Do Charlie and Bridge know you’re here?”

“I doubt it since I just got here.”

She smiled “Are you eating lunch with us?”

“I sure am.”

She hugged me again and went back to walking and reading her book. I sometimes felt bad for Scarlett. She was so much younger than Charlie, Bridge and me that in some ways, she seemed more of a niece to Bridge and me than a sister. She was only two years older than Charles. From what I had heard from Bridge, Charlie was almost like another father figure to her, rather than a brother.  She seemed to not really mind, though.

“I must be hearing things! I could have sworn I heard. . .” I looked towards the stairs and Charlie was coming down them with Bridge and Carson behind him.  “Someone pinch me, I’m seeing things! It must be a mirage or something! That can’t possibly be my little brother standing in the hallway!”

I shook my head. “Nope. Not a mirage. I’m actually here.”

“What did you have to do to get here?” He asked as we hugged. 

“Let’s just say that it wasn’t all peaceful when I left.” I admitted. I looked at Bridge and she was bitting her lip. “Still having to bite that lip, I see.” I joked with her.

She nodded and we hugged. “Is it wrong of me to say that I’m happy that you’re here by yourself?”

I attempted a smile. Truth was, I was happy that I was there by myself too.

“It’s good to see you, Jeff! Haven’t had much of a chance to talk to you since you’ve been home. How’s the campus house?” Carson asked after we hugged.

“It’s good. I’m a little stressed though about the nursery. I hadn’t gotten much done before we left. Part of that was our indecisiveness about which room to use.”

“What room did you decide on?” Bridge asked.

“I think it used to be Julia’s room? The one to the right of the second floor bathroom.”

“Yeah, that used to be her room. Mine was to the left.” Bridge admitted.

“Speaking of babies. . .where are all the twins?” I wondered.

The three of them started laughing. “They’re all asleep in the nursery. Bridge and Carson brought their portable sleepers over and we somehow managed to get them all to take a nap. It’s like a miracle!” Charlie explained.

I chuckled. “That does sound like a miracle. Three sets of twins all taking a nap at the same time.”

I heard the front door open behind me. “Surely I’m seeing things! I could have sworn I saw Jeff’s car in the drive!” Dad joked as he entered the house. I turned around and we hugged.

“Hey, Dad! I know, it’s pretty rare to see it in the drive these days.”

“How’s Rosamund doing?”

“Very pregnant, and very moody.”

He nodded. “Well, that happens in the last couple months sometimes.”

“Yeah, we’ll blame it on the pregnancy.” I heard Bridge say under her breath and Carson tried to shush her.

“I’m going to go see if your mom needs help. You staying for lunch?” I nodded. “Good! Gonna be a housefull!” I watched as he walked into the kitchen.

“So, any news on the name front?” Charlie asked as we walked into the living room.

“No.” I said bluntly.

“I guess Charlie and I have been fortunate. Kate or Carson either haven’t cared or their family names work with our family naming traditions.”

“Yeah, well, that isn’t so with the Carter family. Either our family tradition is about to be broken or theirs is.”

“Can’t you come up with a British name that starts with an R?” Carson asked.

“Not one that we can agree upon. I swear she’s going to be ‘Girl Hobble’ for a good while after she’s born.”

We were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. 
“Hello?” I jumped up the second I heard her voice. I walked into the hallway and peaked around the corner.

“Star?”