Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Chapter Sixteen: A United Front

Another little warning that some subject matter that may be disturbing to some. Please use caution continuing. Rosamund goes into a little more detail about the "miscarriage."



I was late, again. I knew I was going to hear all about it when I got home and I was starting to feel like a teenager who was out past curfew. I had been talking after class with Star and Peter and I was late getting home. This was happening more and more and Rosamund was always upset about it.  She did her normal routine of acting upset and then pretending everything was okay after we fought but I had started picking up on the pattern. She would usually pick one of two excuses for being upset. Sometimes she was mad because she was “stuck” in the house alone, although Bridge was there but they didn’t socialize much when Carson or I weren’t there. I never understood this argument; she could very easily leave the house and find activities that she liked to do. If she wasn’t getting upset about staying home alone, it was that I didn’t want to spend my time with her.







I had started to try to ignore her when she got like that but it just made her madder. It was the craziest thing to me; if I argued with her she would calm down, if I ignored her she got madder. It made no sense to me. Most people thought we had a great relationship; my parents, even Star and Peter but Bridge knew the truth. How could she not since she lived with us? Rosamund and I would have an argument in our room and then I would run into Bridge afterward and she would just look at me biting her lip. I had no idea why she never took the opportunity to say something to me or Rosamund, or why she didn’t tell the rest of the family that Rosamund and I were arguing, but she didn’t. 






As I walked up the stairs to the house I let out a sigh and squared my shoulders to prepare myself for the yelling fest that was about to happen.  I turned the knob and pushed the door open to. . .nothing. No one was in the kitchen, the dining room, nowhere.  “Hello? Is anyone home?” I knew that Carson still had class and I thought I had remembered Bridge talking about going to check on the house they were building in Appaloosa, but I had no idea where my wife was.





I threw my keys on the foyer table and called out again. “Hello?” Nothing.  I walked into the kitchen and saw a note on the fridge.





  

I stood looking at the note in disbelief. Had she really after almost a whole school year gotten out of the house? It didn’t seem real. She had complained for months that she didn’t know anyone and I kept trying to explain to her that she wasn’t going to meet anyone new if she stayed at home. Maybe she had finally taken my advice. Just then I heard the front door open and saw Rosamund entering.


“Hi! You went out?” I asked her as I walked up to her and kissed her.





“Yes, it was so pretty out that I decided to go to the park and take some pictures.” When Rosamund and I first started dating she had told me how she loved taking pictures. I had recently tried to get her interested in pursuing her love of photography; it seemed she had listened.





“That’s wonderful! I was surprised when I came home and no one was here. Did you enjoy yourself?”





“I did. It was nice to get out of the house. It’s usually quiet here but with Bridgette being gone more and more with wedding planning and them getting ready to move back to Appaloosa it’s been horribly quiet here. Which reminds me, we still haven’t figured out what to do about the roommate situation; I had an idea.”





“Really?! What’s that?”


“Well, since you and Peter and Star are all friends again, maybe we could ask them to move in with us.” She smiled like she was proud of her idea. I wasn’t too sold on it though. 


“I don’t know, wouldn’t that be. . .awkward?”





“Why would it be awkward? It can’t be any more awkward then us living with your sister who bites her lip whenever she sees me; and don’t try to deny it because I see her do it all the time. If I can get along with her then surely I can get along with Star and Peter.”





I sighed and thought about what she said. I knew that living with Bridge had been difficult for Rosamund and I knew Star and Peter well enough to know they would never act the way that Bridge acted toward Rosamund. But I still wasn’t sure this was a good idea especially since it meant we would be letting others see inside our relationship.


“I don’t know, Rosamund. . .We like our privacy and this wouldn’t be like living with Bridge and Carson who are family. We would be letting others in. I don’t know if I’m comfortable with that.”





“Why? What are you afraid of? This is Star and Peter were talking about, and even though I may not be their best friend, I do know them well enough to know that they wouldn’t spread our business around town.  And what exactly are you afraid of people finding out?! You make it sound like our relationship is top secret and you’re afraid of people seeing us together!”





“No, that’s not what I meant.” Although it kind of was since we had been arguing so much recently. “I’m a private person Rose, you know that. I just think we need to be careful who we let live here.” 


“Well then who better than Star and Peter? We trust them, you’ve known Star forever, Peter wants to help you become mayor of Appaloosa one day; who better than them?” She asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. She had a good point, but there was still something about letting Peter and Star seeing us fight that bothered me.  I couldn’t think of any excuses to give her though.





“I guess, maybe that could work. . .”





She smiled and let her arms down. “Why don’t we invite them over for dinner one night and see what they think?”


I tried my best to give a genuine smile. “Sounds good!” I was glad when she walked triumphantly away, not really noticing that I had just faked my smile.







Two days later I was in the kitchen helping Rosamund get things ready for dinner with Star and Peter. Since it was a Friday, Bridge and Carson had traveled back to Appaloosa to check on their house so it was just the two of us.  I had never seen Rosamund this happy since we had moved here. The last two days she was humming as she walked around the house and we hadn’t argued once. It was like a switch had been flipped. My curiosity was getting the better of me.





“You seem really cheerful these last two days. Any particular reason?”


She turned around and gave me smile. “Why wouldn’t I be happy? I’m married to a wonderful man, we live in a beautiful home; what more could I want?” She flashed me another smile and went back to cutting up vegetables. I stood there staring at her. I had no idea who this was standing in front of me but it surely couldn’t be my wife. She was happy and even humming which I had never heard her do. I was about to probe her a little more when the doorbell rang. 





“Are you going to get that, Sweetie?” Sweetie?! At that moment I was convinced someone had switched my wife with someone else. Never in almost a year of marriage had she called me Sweetie; it was always Jefferson. 





I walked towards the door and tried to get the shocked look off my face before I opened it. “Hey guys! Come on in!” Star and Peter came in and we made our way to the kitchen.





“Hi Star! Hi Peter! We’re so glad you could come over!” Rosamund gushed. Star and Peter smiled politely.





“Thanks for inviting us.” Peter offered. Rosamund smiled and went over to another counter to grab a bowl. While her back was turned, Star looked at me with a baffled expression. I pretended that it was all normal for her to be acting the way she was. Star turned her attention back to Rosamund.


“Can we help you in anyway?” Knowing Star’s sense of humor I wasn’t sure if she meant with dinner or in some other way.





“Oh, how sweet of you to offer! That’s nice of you but it’s just about ready. Jefferson, honey, can you put the plates on the table.” Something was definitely up. I had now been called sweetie and honey.


“Sure.” I got the plates and placed them on the table. As I was placing the last one, Rosamund told us that dinner was ready. As we started to eat, Rosamund broke the silence.


“So, how has school been for both of you? Have you had any interesting classes?”


Star looked over at me and then Rosamund. “It’s been good, nothing real interesting since it’s not classes for my major yet. Hopefully next year will be better.”





“What about you Peter?” Rosamund asked.


“Same as Star. It’s like a review of high school almost.”





“Do you like ASU, though? You’ll be coming back next year, right?”


“Definitely.” Peter admitted.


“Yup.” Star said.


“Good! We’re both glad to hear that.” We were?  I was absolutely confused by how she was acting. Before I could say anything she was continuing. “I guess you both know that Bridgette and Carson are moving out at the end of the school year.  As you can see, this house is just too large for two people to live in. We had kind of hoped that the two of you would think about moving in with us.” As Rosamund said the last word Peter started chocking on his food.


“I’m sorry, did you just ask us to move in with you two?” Star said as she patted Peter’s back.





“Yes! Jefferson and I both think it would be wonderful. We all know each other, you both have been friends with Jefferson for a long time, and we know you well enough to know you’re not going to throw any crazy parties. I was joking on that last part.” She said with a smile. “The three of you like to spend time together; wouldn’t it be easier if you just lived together? I know that in the past we haven’t been the best of friends and that may sway your decision but I’m confident that we can move past that. The three of us all care about Jefferson and want to see him achieve great things. I think that alone can help us to live in unity.” I was staring at her with my mouth hanging open at this point. I turned to look at Star and Peter and they had the same expression on their face.







“Take time to think about it and let us know. We’d love for you to live here though, wouldn’t we Jefferson, honey?” She looked at me and I looked at her blinking for a couple of seconds before I regained my composure.





“Yes! Yes we would.” We spent the rest of dinner making small talk and then I helped Rosamund clean the dishes while Star and Peter sat in the living room watching tv. Once we finished the dishes Rosamund and I walked into the living room. “I’m going to go up to the bedroom and give the three of you some time alone.  It was nice seeing you again. I hope you’ll decide to move in with us.” She turned and gave me a kiss on the cheek and then walked up to our room. Once she closed the door Star couldn’t contain herself any longer.





“Who was that? That is not the Rosamund Carter, I mean Hobble, that I know.”





“It was like, she was nice, and warm, and just weird dude.” Peter added.





Once again I pretended that everything was normal. “What do you mean?”


“Are you both serious about us moving in? She really doesn’t have a problem with it?” Star asked.





“She’s the one that suggested it.” I admitted. They both looked completely shocked.





“You don’t think it would cause any problems?” Peter wondered.


“She and I have talked about it, and although I have to admit that I was a little surprised that she suggested it, I think it’s a good idea. I mean if you two say no then we’ll have to live with people we don’t know at all.”





“Well, I know I’ll have to talk to my parents and I’m guessing you will too, won’t you Peter?” Star asked and Peter shook his head. “I guess we’ll let you know once we’ve thought about it and talked it over with them.





“Sounds good.” I admitted.


“Hey, if we move in can we have a “Cave Raiders” video game marathon like we used to?” Peter excitedly inquired.





I laughed. “Sure.”






Peter and Star got up and I walked them to the door. “Tell Rosamund thank you for dinner.” Star said.





“I will; thanks for coming!” We all said goodbye and then I made my way upstairs. I didn’t know what had gotten into Rosamund, but I intended to find out.









****Rosamund****






I heard Jefferson walking up the stairs and I sat up in bed. I knew he was going to be curious about how I acted in front of Star and Peter and I was more than prepared to answer his questions. I heard the door knob turn and then saw him walk into our bedroom.


“Star and Peter just left; they wanted me to thank you for dinner.”





“That was nice of them.”


“Okay, Rosamund, what’s up?”


“What do you mean?” I said purposely trying to sound as sweet as possible.





“That, what you’re doing there. That’s not you.”


“What do you mean? Are you implying that I’m not sweet?” I asked and pretended to pout. He stood there looking at me with one eyebrow cocked and his eyes squinted at me. “Fine.” I got up off the bed and walked to him.


“The other day you voiced your concern about other people living with us because you are a private person. We both know that was a load of bull. You were afraid that people would see that right now things aren’t smooth in our marriage and people would start talking.” He started to say something, like he was going to deny it but I stopped him. “Don’t bother denying it Jefferson. I know you, what I don’t get is that you act like after being married to me for almost a year that you don’t know me. Do you remember right before we got married you and I talked about how your political career might never happen because of me being pregnant?” He nodded. “More accurately, it was you who proclaimed that you couldn’t have a career. I then suggested we could lie about it, and say I got pregnant after we got married and the baby was born premature, do you remember that?” 





“Yes, but I don’t see what this has to do with tonight.” 


“When are you going to realize that I’m on your side? I’m for you, not against you. You want to be mayor of Appaloosa Plains someday, maybe even more than that. I am your wife, I want you to be mayor one day. If I have to act sweet to people, smile when I don’t feel like it, hold babies and kiss their heads then I will do whatever it takes to get you into that mayor’s chair one day. And honestly Jefferson, you’re going to have to do the same. That’s part of being a politician, you have to act sometimes.”





“Not all politicians are like that.” He argued with me.


“Really?”


“Yes! I have never been nor will I ever be like that!” He yelled.





“Jefferson, you are like that. You already think that way. You want your home life private, you don’t want people to know we’re having a difficult time in our marriage, you have a completely different personality when you walk out of this house then when you’re in this house. You have a public and a private you.” He looked shocked, like he had been slapped across the face and then his expression changed; like he was remembering something. “That expression, you’ve heard this before, haven’t you?”





He looked at me and then down at the ground. “Yes.” He whispered.


“Who?”


“Star; at the beginning of our senior year.”





“Did you deny it to her then?”


“No, I knew she was right.”


“So you think you’ve changed in the last year?” He looked almost like he was defeated which was good in a way so I could build him back up like I wanted. “Jefferson,” I walked closer to him. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad. Maybe that’s what Star did, but that’s not my intent. I know who you are, I know how you think, and I also know from being a politician’s child what it takes to make it in the political world.  You can’t shy away from having a private and a public you. You have to embrace it!” He kept looking at the ground. “Think of it this way, what are you going to do if we ever live in the mayor’s house and there’s people around and we’ve just had a fight about something that every couple fights about. Maybe you came home and we’re both tired and we snap at each other. Do you think it would be better for both of us to act like we just had a fight or to show a united front? Because if we show that something is wrong, someone could blow it way out of proportion and rumors could spread that we’re having marriage trouble when really, all that happened was we lost our tempers.”  He slowly lifted his head and looked at me.





“How bad do you want to be mayor of Appaloosa?” I asked him forcefully.


“You know how much I’ve wanted it.” He said softly.





“Then embrace who you are, what you have to do, and realize that I am behind you one hundred percent. That’s what I was doing tonight; I was showing you that no matter what, I have your back. Star may not be my favorite person in the world but I know she can help you get where you want to go in life. She’s not my friend, but she is most certainly my ally because she wants you to succeed too. We, the four of can be a united front. We did it once in high school our senior year to get you elected to class president and I have no doubt that we can do it again on a larger scale. If I have to win them over to help you, I will.”





He stood there looking at me while clenching his jaw. For months now I had tried to think of a way to bring out the old Jefferson, the one that was confident, self-assured, and driven. He seemed to have lost all of those things after the miscarriage which hadn’t been my intention at all. I hadn’t thought about the effects afterward; I had faked the pregnancy because I knew him well enough to know that he would marry me if he thought I was pregnant and I figured the miscarriage wouldn’t affect him too much but I had greatly miscalculated.  All the time, planning, and energy that had gone into faking the miscarriage and then, once it was done, I had to keep living with it when all I wanted to do was for both of us to move on. Sometimes I just wanted to scream at Jefferson how it wasn’t real; that all it had been was me not eating and drinking so I could get weak and dehydrated and then smearing blood from my period on my pants and the floor. But I couldn’t do that; I had to pretend that I was upset over a miscarriage that never happened and I was tired of it. He needed to get over it and the only way I could think of was to center his attention back on his future.





“You act like we’re going to battle.” 





“Jefferson, any campaign is like a battle, even in high school it was, just on a much smaller scale. You have to be prepared and you have to have a wall of protection, your wall is Star, Peter and me. With the four of us together, I have no doubt you’ll be the youngest person elected as mayor of Appaloosa Plains. You took this year off from school politics but you have got to get back in the game next year or your dream isn’t going to become reality. I’m behind you and I know Star and Peter will be too. The question is, do you want to sit back and wish for it to happen, or do you want to make it happen. . .”