Chapter Thirty Four: Plans and Admissions - Part Two

****Star****

The next morning we each had conflicting feelings about leaving our mountain retreat. We enjoyed having time to ourselves, but admitted that we were anxious to get back to Appaloosa to see Maggie. Halfway there, I noticed that Jeff stopped talking and I tried to patiently wait for him to tell me whatever he was trying to work through in his head.

“Maggie stayed at Robert and Regina’s last night.” His statement startled me; not because I was shocked from her staying with them, but from his sudden outburst of the information.

I nodded. “I’m sure she had fun.” I offered, hoping that it would help him reveal the reason for his declaration. The car filled with silence instead and I tried to remain patient as I waited for him to continue, occupying myself by watching the scenery that passed by my window.

“They’re bringing her to Mom’s and should arrive there soon before we do.” He finally continued his thought and I glanced over at him. I knew he still wasn’t thrilled that I wanted to talk to them alone, but by him mentioning that they would be at the ranch when we arrived I also knew that he’d accepted that I wanted to do it.

“Do you think that it would be better to talk to them there, rather than going to their house?” I hadn’t imagined having the conversation at the Hobble Ranch but the idea was more pleasing.

He quickly nodded. “Yes.”

“And you promise to stay out of the room, and not listen from the hallway?” I hinted. His head slowly turned and he studied me for a moment before turning his attention back to the road. The slow slump of his shoulders and sigh signaled that I thwarted his plan and he gave his complete surrender.

“Yes.” He whispered and I reassuringly patted his leg.

An hour later we pulled up to the ranch gate and the sight of Robert and Regina’s car on the other side made my stomach start to do flips. I completely believed that the impending conversation needed to happen, but as the time drew near I couldn’t stop my nerves from wreaking havoc on my stomach. Once Jeff parked the car, he hurried over to my door and the reassuring squeeze he gave my hand as I exited surprised me. I realized then that I must have done something for him to know that I was nervous.

“Look, Maggie! They’re here!” Amanda’s voice interrupted any thoughts that Jeff was about to voice and we turned our attention to the door. She walked out of the house while holding Maggie and the smile she gave us as we walked towards them made my heart feel like it might burst. She squirmed in Amanda’s arms as she tried to turn around and held out her arms towards Jeff as he rushed over to grab her.

“Maggie Pie!” He gushed as he hugged and kissed her. “We missed you!” He said right as I joined him and she immediately looked at me and held her arms out. The completely happy and tender smile that Jeff gave me as he released Maggie into my arms convinced me that my heart would indeed burst from my chest at any moment.

“Did you start walking while we were gone?” I playfully asked once I held her and she giggled at me.

“No, but I swear it won’t be long.” Amanda admitted and I looked up to see that my Mom, Chuck, Robert and Regina had also ventured out of the house. I hoped that as we each greeted each other that there wasn’t any awkwardness on my part, worrying that my nervousness would make them believe that I had an issue with them, and it reaffirmed the reason for the pending conversation.

Amanda ushered everyone back into the house and I almost immediately handed Maggie back to Jeff. I didn’t dare look at him as I did, afraid that his expression would extinguish the small flame of bravery that was left, and instead turned my attention to Robert and Regina. I discreetly asked to talk to them in the living room and as I began to follow them, I glanced one last time at Jeff and Maggie, not knowing what I’d see when I did. His nod and the reassurance I saw in his eyes gave me the boost of confidence I needed to continue into the room and I vaguely noticed Jeff leading his parents away as I sat down on the couch opposite of Robert and Regina.

Many times during the previous months I tried to envision what would happen when we sat alone. Sometimes my imagining was filled with nothing but pleasing words and expressions from everyone; other times it was of the two of them jumping up and screaming that I was a whore and how Rosamund was right about me, but not once did I take into consideration what I would feel as I looked at Regina. The resemblance between her and Rosamund was something that I never noticed until that moment and the realization made my heart race. With such a strong link between them physically, I couldn’t help myself from worrying about an emotional one.

The urge to run away threatened to make me forget all the reasons I wanted to have a meeting with them, but the sound of Jeff’s muffled voice from the kitchen reminded me of those reasons. I slowly glanced up from the coffee table and was further settled by their looks of worry, not of hatred. They looked as uncomfortable as I felt and it prompted me to start the terrifying conversation.

“I know that the three of us have briefly talked during the last year, but with Jeff and I getting engaged, I thought now would be a good time to sit down and really talk, because I know if I was either of you, I’d have a lot of worries and questions.” They each nodded and I took a moment to breathe deep and tried to calm my racing heart. “When Jeff and I visited here during Spring Break, we started to talk about what our possible future would look like. With both of us graduating, we began to wonder about where Jeff would go to law school and, consequently, where we would live.” They nodded again. “And as we talked more about our future, I began to think more about Maggie, specifically my hopes for hers and my relationship. And while I’ve talked with Jeff about them, I felt that it was only the right thing to do to reveal them to you and answer any questions or worries you have.”

They slightly leaned forward at my last statement and even though I didn’t know them well enough to confidently read their body language, I took it as a sign that they weren’t opposed to hearing what I had to say. “I have no doubt that the two of you would agree that Maggie’s. . .well, she’s special.” A small tender smile appeared on both of their lips as they nodded. “There’s not one thing about her that I don’t love and I don’t ever want her or anyone to doubt that. As she gets older, she’s going to start to have questions, but there are two things that I never want her to question. One is how much I love her and the other is how much the two of you do as well.” I paused to watch each of them for a moment and immediately had to look away from how much their reactions affected me. Robert completely froze, just like I had seen Jeff do the day before, and Regina’s eyes began to fill with tears.

“I say that,” I continued as I looked at the floor. “in hopes that what I’m about to say  won’t alarm you too much and I hope you’ll let me explain so that I might calm any fears or worries you have.” I peeked back up at them and they eagerly nodded. “I want to adopt Maggie after Jeff and I marry. There are many reasons why but the most important is for the reason I gave before. I love her and I can’t imagine loving her more. But I don’t want the two of you to worry that my adopting her will affect your relationship with her. It may not be a worry of yours, but I wanted to make sure that I calmed any of your fears of that happening.” They each let out a small sigh of relief and I let one out as well, glad that they seemed to take what I said well.

“So you’ll adopt her but she’ll know that you’re not her. . .biological mother.” I noticed the slight pause of Robert’s as he tried to understand what I would be to Maggie.

“Eventually, yes. Because she’ll have an extra set of grandparents that other children don’t have. And I know she’s not even one yet, but she’s smart. It won’t take her long to figure it out. Maggie will know from an early age that I’m not her biological mother, but I also don’t want her to question that because she has a different biological mother than Jeff’s and my children, that I see her any differently; because I won’t. I’ll care for her, hold her, and love her the same as any other children that Jeff and I raise in our home.”

“What about with Rosamund? If Maggie wanted to meet or even have a relationship with her, would you advise against it?” Robert cautiously asked once they had a moment to process my admission about adopting her.

I thought carefully about my words before I spoke them. While I couldn’t imagine any outcome besides disappointment from Maggie meeting Rosamund, I didn’t feel that the decision was mine to make. “Any decision about whether or not Maggie has any contact with Rosamund is one that Maggie, Jeff, and ultimately Rosamund will have to make. I won’t persuade her either way.” As I finished, they stared back at me and appeared to be frozen from shock. I wondered if I needed to say more, that maybe what I said wasn’t enough and wracked my brain trying to think of what else I could say.

“I think. . .” Regina started and I quickly looked up from the spot on the coffee table that I’d been staring at. “I think that we’re both in shock right now.” She looked at Robert and he slowly nodded. “We did start to have some questions and worries about our relationship with Maggie once we learned that Jeff might soon propose, but I don’t think either of us expected him or you to sit down with us.” Robert again nodded. “None of this is easy, for any of us, but I like to think that if we all put Maggie first and work together, we can make it easier for her.”

I nodded. “I agree.”

“I think that Regina would agree with me,” He paused as he turned his head towards Regina. “that while we didn’t expect you to sit down with us, we do very much appreciate it.” Regina nodded and his attention returned to me. He didn’t say anything for a moment, but opened and closed his mouth several times as he thought about what he might say. As I waited for him to speak, I puzzled over several of his expressions, but his last one, the fighting of tears and the relief, made any lingering uneasiness that I felt melt away. “Thank you.” His normal, confident voice shook with emotion and my throat closed up as I tried to respond. I nodded instead, and realized then that the two of them might want a moment alone and stood up to take my leave.

“I’ll let both of you have a moment alone.” I quickly offered and turned to leave the room. My feet traveled at most a handful of steps when Regina suddenly stood up and I barely had any time to realize that she was moving towards me before I felt her hug. In all the scenarios of me telling them that I wanted to adopt Maggie, none of them involved either of them hugging me and the inconceivable reality of it happening made me freeze.

“Thank you.” Her whispered words broke through my surprise from her gesture and I lightly returned her hug. Not knowing what else to say when it ended, I quietly walked out into the hallway, planning to head to the kitchen, but a small movement in the family room made me stop and change directions.

Our eyes met and I felt my breath catch as the events in the precious room started to sink in. I rushed towards him and let his outstretched arms surround me as the stress, agony, nervousness and stomach turning worry, finally burst free.  My head buried into his shoulder as the tears started to fall down my cheeks and for a moment I wondered how I found the courage to talk to them.

Jeff’s arms squeezed me even more and I didn’t wonder anymore about how I found my courage. It came from the fact that I would do anything for Jeff and Maggie, including sitting in a room with the parents of the person I feared the most and consequently had feared too. “You are an amazing woman, Star Randall, and I have no idea what I’ve done to be so fortunate that you’ve chosen me to spend the rest of your life with.” He whispered into my hair and pulled me even closer. I rested my head against his chest and let the calm I felt from his heart pounding seep into every part of my body, wondering like him what I had done to be lucky enough to share my life with his.

****Jeff****

The fact that Star was an amazing, strong and incredible woman shouldn’t have continued to surprise me, not after all the years I’d known her, but it did. Just when I thought I knew everything about her and what she was capable of, another situation would present itself and she would once again show me how wrong I was; just as her conversation with Robert and Regina did. Even after her pleas to talk to them alone and my agreeing to it, I still couldn’t bring myself to let her face it completely alone. The brave face she put on the day before slowly started to melt away as the morning wore on and by the time I pulled into the gate at the ranch, I knew she was more nervous than she wanted me to believe. I promised her I wouldn’t stay in the room with her or listen from the hallway, but when I realized that she meant to talk with them in the living room, I couldn’t stop myself from standing in the nearby family room.

With each passing minute that I stood there listening, my amazement at what I heard her say and my guilt from eavesdropping increased. The shame I felt eventually convinced me to stop, but I didn’t want my leaving the family room to distract either her or Robert and Regina and decided to move to the opposite side of the room. From there I only heard the mumbles of each voice and eventually got lost in my thoughts, wondering what was being said. It wasn’t until I heard the shuffle of her feet from the hallway that my eyes stopped staring at the wood floor and darted up to meet hers. I saw the last of her courage melt away and I took a step towards her, wanting to rush over and comfort her. She was quicker than me though, and as she rushed towards me I opened my arms to wrap them around her, once again struck by how amazing she was.  

Time passed as I continued to hold and comfort her, I had no idea how much, but it was only after I was convinced that she felt comfortable enough that we joined everyone in the subdued kitchen. The light chatter of our getaway weekend soon led to inquiries about any decisions we made about our future.

“Do you know where you’re going to law school?” Mom hinted.

I smiled at Star before turning back to Mom. “We just found out that I got accepted to Benedict University.” I noticed Robert straighten at the name.

“Did you know that I went there?” I nodded and he gave me a knowing smile.

Where Robert’s attention centered on the name of the university, Mom was more concerned with the location. “Benedict is closer to Appaloosa, isn’t it?” I knew instantly what she was getting at and as Star and I nodded, I gave Mom a knowing smile. “So you’ll be living. . .?”

“In Appaloosa.” I finished for her. Her smile couldn’t have gotten any wider and after a quick glance around the room, I noticed that everyone else wore the same expression.

“Really?” Everyone knew that Mom couldn’t fake innocence and as she looked down at the counter, Star and I exchanged a quick smile, feeling certain that we knew what was coming. “It’s funny,” She paused and looked up at us. “Just yesterday I was talking with someone and they mentioned a house that just came on the market. Good location, reasonably priced. . .” She heavily hinted.

Chuckles echoed through the kitchen. “Two days. We’ve been engaged two days and you’re already looking at houses for us?” I teased her and she blushed.

“I haven’t looked at it, I just heard about it.”

“Of course you did.” Dad continued the teasing. “I sometimes wonder if you should’ve been a real estate agent instead of a composer.” She playfully smacked his arm and glanced back at Star and me.

“We could go look at it if you’re interested. . .” Everyone’s attention turned to us and I raised an eyebrow at Star.

“It would at least give us a starting point.” She acknowledged and I nodded.

“Great! I’ll text the agent and have her meet us there.”

“I swear, sweetheart.” Dad again joked. “You should ask for half the commission for whichever property they buy since you’ll probably have some hand in it.” A half hour later, Star, Maggie, Mom, Dad and me pulled up to the house and I shook my head as we stepped out of the car.

“Someone mentioned this house to you?” I looked over at the dirt road that led to Bridge and Carson’s house and continued to shake my head. “I should have known Bridge had some part in this.” I added under my breath.

“What does it matter who mentioned it?” Mom tried to defend herself. “What matters is what you think about it.” She walked up to me and grabbed Maggie, giving Star and me a better opportunity to look at the front. I personally liked the look of the outside; it had more of a rustic feel about it, just like the house we stayed at during our getaway and I hoped that the fact it wasn’t completely covered in wood would appeal to Star.  The covered front porch particularly interested me and I had no trouble envisioning Star, Maggie and me sitting on a swing during summer nights. The other feature that I liked was a small pond on the front corner of the lot. I didn’t see much evidence of fish swimming around, but the thought crossed my mind that we could stock it and maybe even teach Maggie and our other children to fish.  I smiled as I thought about the possibility of other children and glanced at Star.  Her attention was back on the front of the house and I tried to envision how she viewed it with her critical eyes.

Whereas I was a fan of rustic, Star wasn’t. She tended to appreciate more modern design and from her expression, I could tell she was trying to make up her mind about the stone and wood exterior. “It’s definitely more rustic.” I suggested, hoping she would share her thoughts. She nodded and I knew from the concentrated look on her face that her designer orientated mind was rapidly processing what she was viewing.

“It’s. . .a very typical Appaloosa house.” Her comment said more than the words she shared and I processed her statement as: It’s very rustic, just like every other Appaloosa house, and I’m not sure if that’s what I want. “The trim around the windows and doors is light.” She added and I heard her really saying: I don’t like lighter trim and I would want to change that. But the one thing I wasn’t hearing was that she didn’t like it, meaning it was still a possibility.

The realtor showed up then, and after unlocking the front door for us she chose to stay outside while we continued into the foyer. Wood began to surround us from the floor, walls, beams and ceiling and I instantly felt at home. We stepped into the kitchen and even with my untrained eye I knew it was outdated, but I could still imagine Star and me cooking a meal in it and children sitting along the island doing homework or eating a quick meal.

While I had visions of the future, Star walked back into the foyer and looked between the kitchen and the connecting wall. “What’s on the other side of this wall?” She pointed to it and I soon heard the squeaking of a door. I quickly followed but froze next to her after entering the doorway. “Wow. . .” I said in disbelief as we stared at the very formal master bedroom. “Did we teleport to another house?”

Star shook her head as she walked further in the room. “There’s no door to the bath!” She said with wide eyed horror. “Why would someone do that? And the tub’s right in the middle so the person taking a bath would be completely visible from any view point in the bedroom!” From a design stand point it probably didn’t make much sense, but the mental image I had of seeing Star in it made me appreciate its placement.

“Maybe that’s the point.” I suggestively breathed in her ear and watched the olive skin on her neck and face redden as she mouthed an “Oh.”

We spent the next twenty minutes looking at the rest of the rooms, including a dining room, great room, guest bath and two bedrooms that, unlike the master, fit the rustic theme of the house.  As we exited the second spare bedroom and made our way to the middle of the great room, Star’s quiet observations turned into an onslaught of questions. She asked the realtor about the structural need for all the beams, the overall square footage, the possibility of adding a second story if we wanted to add to the house or even the ability to add to the one level. The realtor patiently answered all of Star’s questions and she again looked around with the benefit of the new knowledge.

“Have you been in the backyard yet?” The agent pointed to a back door. Even with our close inspection of the house, we missed the presence of it. I held the door open for Star and heard her chuckle as she stepped outside and looked in the direction that she waved, spying Bridge in her front yard.   

“You’re kidding.” I said as I waved and turned around to look at Mom and Dad. “Her house is right behind?”

“Oh would you look there! It’s Bridge!” Mom again did a poor job of acting innocent and made a comment to Dad that they should give us a moment to talk about the house. They went back inside and as if by design, Bridge also vanished from sight.

Since we hadn’t had a chance to look around the backyard, we took a moment to and there was one structure that brought a smile to my face. In one corner of the yard was a treehouse that reminded me of Star’s and mine and my mind soon conjured up images of children using it as a hideout, playing princesses and knights, and having sleepovers in the starlight.

“You’ve already moved us in, haven’t you?” Her voice brought me back to the present and a guilty smile appeared on my lips. She chuckled and I peered at her out of the corner of my eye. “Maybe. . .” I hinted. She smiled as she shook her head at me. “I know you like the rustic feel.” She offered and started the discussion.

“I know you don’t.” I countered but she didn’t readily agree.

“I don’t mind rustic as long as it’s not overdone. Like the mountain home. It was rustic but also felt modern.”

“So if we lived in a house designed like that you’d be okay with it?” She nodded and I agreed.

“What do you think we’d need to do to it?” I asked and her demeanor immediately changed as she put her designer hat back on. She mentioned moving the kitchen to where the master bedroom sat, making the two guest rooms into offices one for each of us since we each would have careers that would bring clients to our house from time to time, and moving the guest bath.

“So we’d have to add a second story.” I thought out loud.

She nodded and looked at the roofline. “I’m not an architect, but I’m pretty sure it can be done. It wouldn’t be a huge second story but it would be big enough for several bedrooms.”

I smirked at her last comment and inched towards her. “How many?”

A teasing smile appeared on her lips as she looked at me. “That would depend.”

“On. . .?” I encouraged her to continue and she focused her attention back on the roofline.

“We could have a very spacious master suite with possibly three large rooms, or we could have a smaller master with probably four smaller rooms.”

“We could always opt for the larger rooms. That way if there was a need to double up in one or two of them there’d be enough space.” She immediately turned and looked both shocked and amused.

“Double up? How many are you wanting to fit in this or any house?” I placed my hand on her arm and coaxed her to completely face me. She still looked up at me with an expectant raised eyebrow and I took a deep breath before answering her.

“Two, maybe three more?” I was happy to see a small, warm smile appear on her lips as her eyes quickly glanced down, but I still worried about her not agreeing with me. We knew we wanted to have more children, but before that moment we’d never discussed how many and as I watched and waited for her to answer, the seconds that passed felt more like hours. When her eyes returned to mine, I noticed that the warmth of her smile had spread across every inch of her face and I chanced to hope that like me, she wanted a larger family.

“I think that would be perfect.” She whispered as she tenderly placed her hand on my chest. The happiness and relief I felt at that moment overwhelmed me and I swept her into my arms with such force that I almost lost my balance from the unexpected shift in our weight from her feet leaving the ground. I managed to steady my feet and safely placed hers back on the ground, noticing a glint of playfulness in her eyes. “I wonder what the response would have been with a different answer.” She joked. “What if I had said I wanted a house with ten bedrooms?”

I cupped her face with my hands and admitted to her what I was sure she already knew. “If it would make you happy, I’d find us a house with ten bedrooms and we’d endeavor to fill them; because I can’t possibly say no to you.”

She smiled as she shook her head. “Really? I seem to recall numerous times that you’ve said no to me.”

“I have,” I stared deep into her eyes as I inched my lips towards hers. “but I can’t think of one single time that I didn’t eventually listen to you and said yes, even if it took me longer than it should have.” I stopped my lips within a breath of hers and continued to stare into her golden eyes, letting the truth of what I said sink in before I closed my eyes and gently brushed her lips with mine.

She glanced at the house when our kiss ended and let out a determined sigh. “In that case,” A small smile turned into a grin. “We should look into buying the house.”

Her absolute statement made me shake my head in disbelief. “Buy the house?” She continued to smile and nod. “But we haven’t even talked about it, besides the changes we could make to it.”

“What else is there to talk about?”

“I. . .” I looked around as I tried to think of something and saw Bridge’s house. “What about Bridge’s house?” I quickly looked back at her, seeing her shrug.

“What about it?”

“It’s right there! Could we live that close to Bridge? She’d be here all the time.”

She chuckled. “And you think that’d be different if we bought a house a couple streets over?”

“Probably not. . .” I conceded as I looked down at the ground, wondering if moving to Appaloosa was such a good idea. As long as we lived there, a steady flow of visitors from each of our families would infiltrate the house. But Bridge would more so than anyone; maybe not every day, but probably most days and I worried that it might become annoying to Star after a while.

I felt her hand on my arm and looked up to see a gentleness in her eyes. “Jeff, you and Bridge have a special relationship and I while I might not understand it at times, I would never want to do anything to deter you from seeing each other.” Her thoughtfulness once again astonished me. I hadn’t even told her how much I missed Bridge in the last several years since she and Carson moved back to Appaloosa. I missed all of my family, but none more so than Bridge. She annoyed most, seemed meddling to some, and was undoubtedly the most overprotective sister a little brother could imagine having, but I’d missed her; though I wouldn’t have necessarily wanted to admit it to Bridge. “Plus, I like watching you squirm when she says something that makes you uncomfortable.” She joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“I do not squirm.” I defied her with a smile and she laughed. “How long do you think it would take to make the changes we want?” I wondered, changing the subject back to the house.

She looked back at it and scrunched her nose as she thought. “If the work started soon. . .we should be in by the end of the year, November or December depending on delays that always come up.”

That meant we were looking at six to seven month process. “That long?”

“Between the process of buying the house, finding an architect to create blueprints for the second story, and then the construction, along with the reconfiguring of the lower level, all while we’re still at ASU for the summer and then you starting law school in the fall. . .that would be my guess. It wouldn’t be much different than us building a new house and we’d have to furnish the whole thing since we really don’t have furniture of our own. It would be a very expensive process.” She seemed unsure as she added the last part and I looked at the back door.

“Then I guess we need to start finding out how much that would be.” I grabbed her hand and took a couple steps before I realized she hadn’t. “I didn’t misunderstand you when you said you wanted to look into buying the house, did I?”

She shook her head and looked a little concerned. “No, but you didn’t really tell me what you thought about it.”

I felt an ear to ear grin spread across my face as I turned to completely face her. “I already had us moved in when we were standing in the front yard.” She triumphantly beamed back at me and we walked back into the house to make more inquiries about the property.

We made an offer on the house and for the next two months we split our time between Appaloosa and ASU as we tried to balance Star starting her internship, me finishing up my undergrad, house inspections, meetings with architects, and looking over financial numbers for the work we wanted to do.

By early July, all our thoughts centered around the start of the second story addition and the upcoming birthday celebration weekend, especially the party we planned to have for Maggie’s first birthday. We had just sat down to dinner two nights before our scheduled departure, excitedly discussing the upcoming events, when the sound of the doorbell interrupted us and I quizzically looked across the table at Star.

“I wonder who that could be?” I mumbled to myself as I stood up and walked to the door. Not expecting someone, I glanced out the peephole and froze from the image of the face that stared back at me.

“Who is it?” I could hear the worry in Star’s voice but my shock kept me from answering her. Instead, I opened the door and shook my head in disbelief at the person who stood on the other side.

“Peter!”

******

- If you're curious and you haven't seen them on Tumblr already, you can find pics of the work in progress Appaloosa house here.