Chapter Thirty Two: My Happiness Lies with You - Part One

Couple notes:

- NSFW (I love being able to put that for a Jeff and Star chapter) :)

- The quote at the beginning of this chapter is the same one that is included under the title picture and sums up Jeff's journey. 

The best feeling in the world is realizing that you’re perfectly happy without the thing you thought you needed. - Unknown

****Star****

Eventually everyone started to settle down after learning about Jeff and me. As the questions started to dwindle, I glanced over at Mom and Dad and their genuine smiles reaffirmed what I already knew, they approved. I wanted so much for Jeff to know that, not just from me, but also from each of them and when Dad announced he needed to leave, I mentioned to Jeff that we should walk outside with him.  We talked about plans for the week and other light topics as we approached his car, but that stopped when we reached it and Dad turned around and looked right at Jeff. After several seconds of unbearable silence, Dad slowly smiled at him and nodded as he looked at me. “You both look happy, and I’m glad.” I noticed the subtle clues of the relief that had swept over Jeff; the way his arm and chest muscles slowly relaxed which caused his shoulders to slightly drop, and I quickly looked at his cheeks and saw those muscles relax too. 

We said our goodbyes and as I watched Dad’s car travel down the road, I couldn’t help but feel a little nostalgic and peaceful. Even after his car disappeared, I continued to glance around and let the memories associated with the sights, sounds, and smells to bombard me and when a light breeze began to blow, I closed my eyes and tilted my head up so I could feel the warmth of the sun on my face. At that moment, I felt completely relaxed; something that I had yearned for in the past couple of years, but hadn’t experienced very often.

As I heard another breeze start to ripple through the air, I took in a deep breath and another familiar smell caught my attention and the gentle touch of his hand on my arm pulled me out of my thoughts and I glanced back into his eyes, briefly noticing the tenderness in them before their expression quickly became more serious. He slowly moved closer until our bodies nearly touched and I felt the familiar effects of being so close to him, ones that I had tried for so long to deny but had occurred for so long that I couldn’t remember when I first noticed them.  My inability to breath, the rapid beating of my heart, how I felt the heat that radiated from him, and the constant pull that I felt towards him that seemed to originate in my heart and spread through the rest of my body; they all occurred simultaneously and completely overpowered me in such a way that I wondered how I could have ever willed myself to ignore them.

The slow movement of his head as it lowered towards mine made my heart beat even faster and as his lips gently started to touch mine, I closed my eyes and everything else faded away until I was only aware of him and his gentle touch.  I felt his hands rest on my back for a moment before he tenderly pulled my body closer and I wrapped my arms around his waist as our kiss deepened and I got even more lost in it. The return of a breeze seemed to bring both of us back to reality and as we slowly parted, a smile appeared on both our faces and we each let out a happy sigh. 

We stood for several moments holding each other, eventually looking away and as he glanced around, just as I had done after Dad left, I lightly laid my head on his chest and smiled as we both looked out over the two front yards that we had played in as children.

“I miss being here.” His voice broke the silence that had been between us and I lifted my head off of his chest so I could look up at his face.

“At the ranch?”

He shook his head and then thought for a moment. “Yes and no. I do miss the ranch, but it’s more so that I miss Appaloosa. ASU has never felt like home.  I don’t feel like myself there; but when I’m here, I feel more relaxed. I feel like. . .” He stopped and thought for a moment.

“Like you belong here.” I finished for him. He turned his head slightly so he could look down at me and nodded, looking somewhat surprised that I knew. “I feel the same.” I whispered and he lowered his head until our foreheads touched. I had noticed on this trip and previous ones that like me, he seemed more relaxed and unguarded whenever he came home. Now that I knew why, I wished we could stay at Appaloosa instead of returning to ASU and I let out a sigh that I hadn’t intended to which made him open his eyes. 

“What’s wrong?”                                                                                                   

I hesitated a moment, something that made him reassuringly smile at me and I sighed again. “I just wish that we could stay here, stay home. I hope someday we can.” I hadn’t expected to see the huge smile that swept across his face and I couldn’t help but wonder at it. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“You said we.” Hearing it come from his lips made my heart skip a beat and I too smiled.

“I did, didn’t I?”

He nodded before his eyes quickly darted to the living room windows. “I thought I saw movement. . .How much do you want to bet that we’ve been spied on?”  He smirked as he turned his attention back to me.

“I’d say that’s a safe bet. Should we head back inside and face the music?” He chuckled as he lowered his head down to kiss me again and then held my hand as we walked back into the living room.

Soon after we returned inside, most of the children took a nap and everyone began to discuss summer plans. Ms. Amanda was determined to have a birthday celebration for everyone that had a July birthday which seemed to be half of the people in the house. As everyone announced their plans, the attention soon shifted to Jeff and me.

“Will both of you be available sometime in July?” Ms. Amanda wondered.

As she asked the question, I realized that while Jeff and I had an idea of what the other had planned for the summer, we hadn’t sat down to really discuss it. "I'll be interning at a design firm near ASU, but as long as it's on a weekend, I think it would be doable." I admitted.

Everyone turned to look at Jeff. "I'll be making up the fall semester this summer and will hopefully graduate at the end of it. But like Star said, a weekend would work." A weekend was agreed upon and while the conversation changed to what to do during the celebration, an uneasy feeling started to form in the pit of my stomach as I thought about what the end of summer would bring. I would need to get a job and Jeff would need to go to law school; those were certainties, but everything else was unknown.

Where did he want to go to law school? Would it be close to ASU, close to Appaloosa, or somewhere far away? As I thought of the next question, it felt like someone reached into my chest and twisted my heart; would we be able to be together or would the pursuit of our careers take us in opposite directions? From the conversation outside, I felt pretty certain that neither of us wanted to be separated but I also knew that Jeff’s political dreams were important to him and I didn’t want to hold him back from achieving them.

With so many people in the house together, it made it difficult to find any lengthy moments alone with Jeff, making any conversation about future plans and dreams impossible.  Eventually, Mom mentioned going home and I decided to go with her since it had gotten late.  As we said goodbye to everyone, Jeff mentioned walking Mom and me home to his parents, and on our way out, he grabbed my bag from the car.

The walk back to my house was nice and short and after Jeff carried my bag upstairs and into my bedroom, he returned into the family room and soon mentioned returning to the ranch.  He and Mom said goodnight to each other and as I followed him to the door, I realized that I could finally claim a moment alone with him. The door had barely closed when he quickly placed his hands on my waist and pulled me closer, the suddenness of it completely shocking me.

"I wanted to spend some time alone with you, but I should have known better with both our families being together." He somewhat complained and I smiled sympathetically at him as I reached up to caress one of his cheeks.

"I know." I admitted and thought back to the decision I had made about sleeping separately. After everything that had gone through my mind about the uncertainty of our futures and the heartbreak I felt when I thought of being separated from him again, I realized that my desire to be with him overshadowed any uncertainty I felt about how our families would react. I opened my mouth to tell him I changed my mind, but was stunned into silence. 

"The tree house!" He excitedly whispered.

"What about it?"

"We could meet at the tree house later tonight like we used to do when we were younger." He suggested and a slow smile crept across my lips.

I closed my eyes as I visualized the image of the tree house and felt a wave of happiness sweep over me.  It had always been our place; the place where we had talked and relaxed and hadn’t had a care in the world.   I loved the idea of meeting him there since it provided some much needed time alone. We could meet there and then whenever we decided to leave the tree house; we could stay at one of the houses together. "And we don't even have to use flashlight code to do it. . ." I thought out loud, remembering our old method of communicating. "You could just text me." He nodded and smiled down at me for a moment before I noticed an eyebrow rise as he smirked down at me.  I knew he had found something to be humorous but couldn’t think of what it could be.

“What’s so funny?”

He chuckled and briefly looked down at the ground before answering. “You’re usually not so. . .easily convinced.”

“Are you saying I’m difficult?” I placed my hands on his chest and jokingly pushed him away but didn’t succeed in placing any distance between us since his hands still held on to my waist.

“No. . .” He said as he continued to smile and look down at me. “But there have been many times when I’ve had to find ways to convince you to do something. Granted, some were probably horrible ideas. . .like the time I thought it would be fun to hide in a pile of hay.”

I laughed at the memory of picking hay out of everywhere imaginable. “Definitely not one of your better ideas.”

He laughed too and then smirked again. “With ideas like that, I’m surprised you listened to anything I suggested.”

We both chuckled and then a silence fell between us as we seemed to each get lost in our own memories. I thought of several more instances where Jeff had twisted my arm and tried to convince me to do what he suggested, smiling as I realized that in every instance he had succeeded and I had listened to him. I glanced back up into his hypnotic eyes and I smirked as my curiosity got the better of me.

“I still haven’t said yes. . .” A small smile appeared on his lips and his eyebrows rose as he waited for me to continue. “What would you do to convince me to meet you there?”

The smile that had appeared faded and he pulled me even closer.  He slowly lowered his lips and very softly brushed them over mine, sending a shiver down my spine and I immediately felt his arms start to wrap around my waist.  As his arms continued to embrace me, he deepened our kiss and pulled my body closer until there was no space separating us. I felt the rapid beating of his heart against my chest and wondered if he could feel my heart beating against his. When his tongue started to lightly trace my lips, my breath caught and my arms found their way up until they wrapped around his neck. His hands started to slowly travel down from my waist but the unexpected sound of a trash can overturning filled the silent night air and we both jumped.

"Stupid raccoon." I whispered as I looked over to where the noise had come from and tried to catch my breath. He chuckled and I slowly turned my attention back to him. I hadn’t expected to see the intensity in his eyes as he looked back into mine or the smirk that appeared on his lips.

"Did I convince you?" He teased me and I was once again reminded of his wicked sense of humor. I playfully narrowed my eyes at him and then looked at the door.

"I should get back inside." I said as I lowered my arms and started to step away, but he didn't take his hands away from my waist and I wasn't able to go far.

"Do I need to do more convincing?" He hinted.

I grinned as I undid his hands from my waist and walked closer to the door. "You may have convinced me. . ." I joked as I opened the door and walked back inside. Right before I completely closed the door, I looked back outside and gave him a smile that left no doubt that I would meet him later.

As the next hour crept by, Mom went to bed, I changed into more comfortable clothes, and I attempted to read a book as I sat on the couch waiting for Jeff’s text. The more I tried to concentrate on the words, the more my mind kept wandering and thinking about meeting Jeff at the tree house and when my phone chirped around midnight, I realized that I had been reading the same two pages for over a half hour. I quickly read the text and put my shoes on before I texted him back and headed to the gate that connected our yards. As I passed through it, I smiled and wondered how many times he and I had walked through it to meet each other; sometimes even running into each other as we each sought the other out. It didn’t take me long to walk behind the barn and as I turned the far corner I saw him waiting for me next to the ladder.

A huge smile spread across his face as he saw me, and my breath caught from the way the moon light shined on his face and highlighted his smile and beard. Jeff had always been good looking, I would have even admitted that before my feelings for him changed.  But ever since he had grown his beard I would find myself staring at him. The contrast that the darker color of his beard provided against the fairness of his skin seemed to make his eyes an even more piercing blue and his smile even more captivating. I continued to walk and admire how the he looked in the light and I noticed his gaze moving slowly down my body, an action that caused my heart to once again race.  I took the opportunity to do the same, and my attention moved from his face to his chest. He had lost a lot of weight in first months after the shooting, but he had gained it back since and that combined with exercise had made his chest appear even broader and more muscular. I let myself fantasize for a moment about the muscles that his shirt covered and even though a cool spring breeze blew, I felt as hot as I would have standing underneath a mid-day summer sun. As I stopped in front of him, I tried to clear my mind, but his bright smile once again distracted me.

****Jeff****

I spent the next hour after I returned from Star’s house counting down the minutes. Bridge and her bunch left soon after I returned and Mom offered to put Maggie down for bed, but it wasn’t until close to midnight that everyone had given into their sleepiness.  Once everyone had made their way upstairs, I snuck back down and grabbed some things to place in the tree house. As I walked out the door and towards the tree house ladder, my mind wandered to my attempt to ‘convince’ Star to meet me.

What started as a tender kiss had quickly turned into a heated, passionate exchange and I couldn’t say it surprised me.  There had been several times in the previous days that I held myself back from getting completely lost in the moment. I had hid the feelings that I felt for her for so long; and now that they could be expressed, they threatened to erupt every time I started to show them and it seemed to be the same for Star.

I reached the ladder and smiled as I thought about the effort I was then taking to ‘convince’ her to stay there once she arrived.  I hurriedly climbed up the tree house ladder and after I finished placing the last item, I texted Star. She almost immediately texted me back and I climbed down to wait for her. 

She soon appeared from around the corner of the barn and it felt like my lips spread into a smile that was a mile wide. I had noticed recently that she had started to wear her hair with its natural waves and as she continued to walk over to the tree, the light wind blew wisps of hair across her neck, drawing my attention to it. I had gotten to nibble on it once, the night before when we had tried to watch the same movie again but instead spent more time looking at and kissing each other than actually watching it. As I continued to gaze at her long, enticing neck, I dreamed about nibbling on it again, especially the spot that I had learned was ticklish.

The light wind continued to blow and caused the shirt she was wearing to press closer to her body, showing even more of the outline of her form and I started to feel the effects of admiring her. I had fantasized many times about the hidden parts of her body being revealed and had recently started to wonder if she had done the same with me. As she came within several feet of the tree, I attempted to regain some composure and once again smiled at her as she stopped walking.

"I guess I convinced you to come." I said as I reached up to stroke her arm, noticing she shivered a little from the touch. "I might have figured out a way to convince you to stay for a while too. . ." I hinted as I glanced up at the tree house and she smiled as she raised an eyebrow.

"And what might that be?" She playfully asked.

I shrugged. "I guess you're going to have to climb up and see." I motioned toward the ladder and after several moments of us gazing at each other, she slowly walked up to it but stopped to glance back at me with a smile that almost knocked me over, and then started to make the climb up to the tree house.

I followed close behind her and smiled as I heard her quietly gasp as she reached the top. I finished climbing up the ladder and stood next to her as she looked inside the room. Her eyes swept across it taking in the dim lights, the blanket that I had put down on the floor, and then finally on the plate of chocolate chip cookies.

"You found some cookies!" She excitedly whispered.

I couldn't help but laugh. "World peace could be negotiated with Mom's cookies." I was half joking. Anyone that had ever had them swore they were the best cookies in the world and they had always been a requirement whenever Star and I had snuck out to meet in the tree house.

"You've definitely convinced me to stay for a while." She grinned as she turned her head to look at me.

"Because of the cookies?" I paused and pretended to be hurt. "Nothing to do with the view, comfy blanket. . .the company?"

"All of the above." She said as she grabbed my hand and led us into the tree house.

We sat down on the blanket and immediately started munching on the cookies as we silently looked out at the moonlit view. As much as I had missed our conversations the last several years, I had also missed moments like this where we were content to just be with each other in silence; taking comfort in knowing that between us, sometimes words hadn't been needed.

"How many hours do you think we've spent up here?" I asked eventually breaking the silence.

She happily sighed. "Hundreds? I don't know, but most of them were with these cookies." She popped a bite into her mouth before she looked down and fanned her fingers across the blanket. "And none of them involved a comfy blanket." She joked.

"The thought of sitting for an extended period of time on a hard, wood surface didn't really bother me when we were little, but it's not as appealing now." I half joked and I soon felt a crumb hit the side of my head. "What was that for?" I wondered as I smiled at her.

"For saying that sitting in here, with me, wasn't as appealing as it used to be. . ." I started to argue with her but she threw another bit of cookie at me. ". . .and for assuming that we'd be sitting here for an extended period of time. I didn't agree to that until well after you placed the blanket down; you just assumed." She pretended to be annoyed but had to try very hard to keep the smile that was threatening from spreading across her lips.

"First off, I never said that sitting here with you wasn't appealing. I said sitting on a hard, wood surface wasn't, and I fixed that by placing this blanket here. And secondly, you're correct, I did assume that we'd be sitting here for an extended period since that's what we've always done in the past. And thirdly, you should know better than to throw food. I believe both of our mothers gave us a long lecture about having food fights when we thought it would be fun to have one when we were six. And plus, it's my Mom's cookies you're throwing; that's like declaring war." I teased her.

"I would have to disagree with you, we were not six when we received that lecture, and we were in third grade so we were eight." She jokingly corrected me.

"A technicality." I smirked.

"Ah! But if you're going to argue a point, you should have all of your facts right. Isn't that taught in 'Introductory Lawyering' or something."

I let out a loud laugh and shook my head. "'Introductory Lawyering? You mean like Lawyering for Dummies?" I was laughing so hard that I could feel tears in my eyes. I noticed her raise her arm in the air and saw the small bit of cookie in her hand.  "I wouldn’t throw that if I were you." I warned her. "I'll have to tell your mom that you didn't learn your lesson 13 years ago and you'll have to sit through another lecture." I continued to tease her. "Plus, I'll take the cookies away from you."

"You did not just threaten me like were kids." She started chuckling. "And you can't take the cookies away."

"Really?"

She nodded and pulled up an area of the blanket to expose a burn mark on the floor. "Take the cookies, and I tell your mom how this burn mark really got here." She smirked triumphantly as she placed the blanket back down.

"It's not like she can ground me now for accidently setting fire to the floor." I reasoned.

"No; but is taking the cookies away from me and then having to listen to her lecture you for who knows how long about lying to her all those years ago worth it?" She jokingly threatened.

I shook my head and smiled as I looked away for a moment, realizing that this was what had been missing in my life since the end of our junior year in high school; the easiness, playfulness, and friendship that came from the two of us knowing each other our whole lives. I turned to look at her and stared into her eyes and after staring back at me her brows furrowed.

"What?" She asked in a hushed voice.

"I've missed this." I admitted to her. She sympathetically smiled and moved the cookies to the edge of the blanket. "You just gave me a hard time about taking your cookies away and now you're tossing them to the side." I joked but there was no joking in her eyes as she crawled over to where I was sitting.

She snuggled next to me and rested her head on my shoulder. "Me too. I've missed this too." She whispered. We sat there again in silence for what felt like hours until I heard her softly speak. "Jeff?" I lifted my head off of hers and looked over at her. "What are you going to do after you graduate?" One of the reasons I had wanted to meet her there was to talk about that, but it had been forgotten about in the enjoyment of being there with her.

"I've applied to several law schools; four are far away, but the one I want to go to is thirty minutes away from here.”

“Is it Benedict University?”

I nodded.  “I’m hoping that I'll eventually get my law degree and practice law, preferably here in Appaloosa." I admitted.

She was quiet for a moment and was obviously thinking. "What. . .What about your political career?" She wondered, and I couldn't figure out what she was feeling or thinking from her expression.

"Are you. . .disappointed? Upset. . .?" I asked her.

She shook her head quickly. "No; I'm surprised. You've talked about being involved in politics. . ." She paused as she thought for a moment. "I honestly don't remember a time that you didn't want to be in politics; but that doesn't matter. You should do what makes you happy; whether it's politics or being a lawyer."

I looked back out at the stars and took a deep breath before admitting to her what I had only recently figured out. "For years I chased that dream, of having a career in politics, and did everything I could to make sure that it became a reality. I said all the right things and tried to make sure everything lined up so I could have a successful political career when I graduated. For years I thought that's what would make me happy." I looked at her before continuing. "I wasted so much time chasing after the thing that I thought would make me happy, when the one thing that really could was right in front of me the whole time." I reached down and placed my hand over hers as I continued. "Politics, law. . .those are things that interest me. What I care about, what makes me happy, what I love, is you. My happiness lies with you."

I noticed her lips quiver right before a tear started to fall down her cheek and I gently placed my lips on it, kissing it away. As I pulled back slightly I spotted another lone tear falling down the other cheek and repeated the soft kiss on that one. By the time I had finished kissing that tear and looked back into her beautiful brown eyes, there were waterfalls of tears escaping from both and it wasn't until she started wiping away my tears that I realized that I too had been crying. I cupped her face in my hands and did the same, wiping her tears away and my heart started to break as she cried harder.

She swallowed hard and in between sobs pleaded. "Tell me we'll be together. . .always. . ."

There wasn’t anything that I wanted more and hearing her plea caused a pain that reached deep into my heart. After all the years of uncertainty I never again wanted her to be uncertain about our future and I never wanted her to have any doubt  that the only thing I wanted was to be with her until the day I died. I looked deep into her tear filled eyes and tried to put her fears to rest. "Always. Until the end of time; we will always be together."

She cried even harder and I wrapped my arms around her as my lips crushed hers. Her hands continued to firmly hold my head as she pressed her lips hungrily against mine. The long passionate kiss eventually turned into many forceful, yearning ones as we desperately sought out the other and the years of longing, heartbreak, desire, and love poured into each kiss. The room started to spin more and more from the combination of the feelings of ecstasy and lack of oxygen and I forced myself to break away in an attempt to catch my breath. My lips started to trail kisses from her jaw down to the ticklish spot on her neck that I had earlier fantasized about nibbling on and as I arrived at that spot, I savored the sweet smell that was uniquely hers. My lips started to caress the venerable spot and she instinctively turned her head to try to protect it until my tongue started to trace circles on it and then she moaned defeat, giving me full access to it. 

Her hands had traveled down to my chest and had started to caress it, but as my tongue teased her neck, the caresses began to involve her nails and I became frustrated that my shirt was stopping me from feeling her touch on my skin. I tore my lips and tongue away from her neck and frantically pulled my shirt off and yearned for her to return her hands to my chest. When she did, I moaned from the relief and once again my lips sought hers. Her soft, swollen lips started to part and I began to trace them with my tongue and I felt a shudder move through her body and a moan escaped from her mouth. 

As her mouth opened even more, I slowly moved my tongue further and swept it across hers and our tongues started to dance around, seeking and tasting. While our tongues explored each other's mouths, her arms eagerly wrapped around my neck and her hands moved through my hair. The room started to spin again but instead of relief coming from me tearing my lips from hers and exploring her neck, this time it came from her exploring mine. Her perfect lips dotted kisses from my lips, down my jaw, my neck, and then rested once she reached the curve of it. I held my breath as she kissed there, but when her tongue started to tease the sensitive skin, a moan escaped from deep in my throat and I had to use every ounce of self-control to keep myself from ripping off her clothes.

I somehow succeeded in keeping my hands from gripping her clothes, but as she continued to lick and kiss my neck, my hands slowly traveled under her shirt and I cautiously rested them on her sides, feeling a burning sensation run through my hands as they touched her skin.  Her hands slowly traveled from my hair, down my shoulders and stopped their decent once they reached my chest where they began to explore every inch of it. As her hands roamed freely over my chest, one of mine slowly moved from her side to her stomach where I cautiously rested it for a moment before continuing up until it was cupping one of her breasts. She quickly moved her lips from my neck to my mouth and I took the frantic yearning kisses that ensued as a sign that she wanted me to conitnue.

As I continued to cup her breast, I lightly grazed my thumb over the front of her bra and as it swept over her nipple, she shuddered and her breath caught. I repeated the motion and her arms flung up around my neck again, almost as if she needed to hang onto me. With each pass of my thumb over her bra, I felt her nipple harden and the desire to feel the skin underneath was becoming too great to deny. My hands moved from underneath her shirt and she immediately stopped kissing me and looked at me with a confused expression. I met her concerned eyes with my reassuring ones and as I started to lift her shirt I saw what appeared to be relief flash across her face. I continued to pull her shirt upward and she willingly raised her arms above her head, and once her shirt was removed, I took a moment to look at her breasts that were being held captive by her bra. 

The sight was enough to drive me over the edge and the effects on my body were almost completely overwhelming. I looked back into her eyes, trying to gain some control over myself and she slowly lowered her head until her lips once again claimed mine. The sensation of her tongue licking my lips caused a jolt to run from my lips down to my toes and I had to wrap my arms around her waist as the feeling traveled through my body. My hands were resting on the spot where her bra clasped and I once again fantasized about seeing her breasts freed from it. I slowly undid each one to allow her time to stop me if she wanted, and once the last one was undone the bra straps slowly started to fall down her shoulders and as she pulled away, it completely fell to reveal her magnificent breasts. 

I casually tossed the bra aside as I continued to look at her completely naked torso and for a moment, everything slowed down and I questioned if I was having some incredibly realistic, glorious, erotic dream; one that I had dreamt many times and then woken up from in complete agony. When I looked back into her eyes I saw the shy expression on her face and the blushing on her cheeks and it snapped me back to reality. As much as I wanted to continue to admire her, I also wanted to reassure her. I reached a hand up to caress one of her cheeks and watched as a loving smile spread across her lips before she leaned closer to kiss me. My hand lazily moved from her face down her neck and rested in between her breasts and I felt her stiffen a little from the anticipation of my hand moving to caress one of them. As I moved my lips to her neck again, I moved my hand and gently held her breast in my hand and marveled at how it fit perfectly. I became curious and cupped her other breast with my free hand and once again found that it fit perfectly and I found a surprising comfort from the realization.

My thumbs started to rub against her nipples and her whole body started to shake and I worried about her continuing to sit up. I quickly maneuvered my legs around and placed my arms around her, lowering her down to the floor before resuming the caresses to the perfect mounds of flesh that I was obsessed with. As I continued to touch and rub them, it became obvious that they were incredibly sensitive from the moans that were coming from her mouth and the shutters that were traveling through her body. Her reaction encouraged me to continue and my lips began to trail down her neck and to one of her breasts until it reached her nipple where my tongue began to tease it.

"Oh God, Jeff!" She half cried and half moaned. I hastily kissed my way back up to her mouth and started to slide one of my hands in her pants, moving slowly to give her an opportunity to stop me. As my hand glided over her panties and closer to the sensitive spot between her legs, she started moving her hips and when my hand finally rubbed in between her legs, she arched her back and tightly closed her eyes. I continued to tease her until it seemed like she couldn't take it any longer and then slid my hand under her panties. She moaned loudly as my fingers stroked the sensitive spot and her hands violently grasped at the blanket. As I continued, her breathing became ragged and I was quickly losing the battle to control myself. I removed my hands from inside her pants and quickly pulled them and her underwear off before doing the same with mine when she whispered my name.

"Are you okay?" She nodded and pulled me closer. "Do you want to stop?" She shook her head quickly back and forth and after finding protection, I slowly positioned myself on top of her. She immediately wrapped her arms around me and I placed my hands on her hips as I rubbed in between her legs. A shudder traveled through her body and she whispered my name again before another moan escaped from deep in her throat. As I slowly entered her, I saw her eyes fly open with shock and then what appeared to be pain.

"Am I hurting you?" I worried.

She shook her head but I could tell she was lying. I stopped for a moment and between the pain she was obviously in and how tight she felt down there, I started to wonder.

"Star. . .are you. . ." I could feel the blood draining from my face and I started to pull out of her but she wrapped her legs around mine to keep me from moving.

"Star. . .I don't want to hurt you." I looked down at her and expected to see hurt, but instead I saw pleading.

"Jeff, please." She whispered and I was at a loss about what to do and looked away as I thought, vaguely aware that she forcefully wrapped her arms around me. "Look at me." She said breathlessly and I slowly turned my head to meet her gaze. "I love you and I want to be with you."

I felt the blood slowly return to my body and looked deep into her eyes. "If I hurt you. . ." I didn't think I could live with myself if I did. She pulled me even closer so she could whisper in my ear.

“You won’t.” She started kissing my neck as I turned my head to whisper into her ear. "Let me know if I hurt you. . ."  She nodded as she continued to kiss my neck and I slowly started to move inside her again. She kept her arms tightly wrapped around me and her head buried in my neck so I couldn't see her facial expressions, leaving me only with how her body was responding to know if I caused her pain. I went slowly until I wasn't able to contain myself anymore and with one thrust, I felt her body tense up and a small whimper escaped from her lips. I wanted to cry when I heard her try to hold in the sound from the pain that I caused her and only felt some relief when as I neared my moment of release, I noticed that her body relaxed a little and her whimper changed into a low moan. As I finally reached the climax and then release, I moaned and felt my body start to shake and was surprised when I heard her let out a loud moan right after I did. I fell on top of her, my head foggy for several seconds before the full impact of what had just happened hit me. I rolled off of her and quickly pulled her against me.

"Star. . ." I kissed the top of her head as I cradled it against my chest. ". . .Why didn't you tell me?"

She rubbed one of her hands on my chest. "I was going to. . .but I got a little distracted." She admitted and a sad smile crept across my face before I started worrying again. I pulled away slightly and looked down at her and she instantly turned her head to look into my eyes.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did I. . .hurt you?"

She reached up and stroked my cheek. "I'm. . ." She stopped for a moment thinking about what to say. ". . .a little sore, but please don't feel bad, Jeff." She begged me as I started to feel the tears in my eyes that I was sure she could see. "I should have told you but it’s not something that comes up in everyday conversation.” She tried to joke but I didn’t laugh.  “I might have been a little embarrassed too. . .but I wanted to be with you.  Please don’t feel bad." She again pleaded as she caressed my cheek.

As I looked down at her, I placed a hand on each side of her face and tried to determine if she was okay. Once I was satisfied that she was, I let out a sigh of relief and wondered how it was possible to love someone as much as I did her. The experience of holding my best friend, kissing her, caressing her, our bodies becoming one. . .the feelings overpowered me. I gently kissed her and felt a euphoric calm spread through my whole body and heard her sigh right before her body shivered. Worried about her being cold, I pulled the blanket around us and tenderly brushed a hair away from her face as I looked deep into her eyes. She smiled up at me before resting her head on my chest and I kissed the top of her head only then allowing a small smile to appear on my lips as I looked around at the room. The tree house had always been our place; the place we hid from our parents, where we pretended we were pirates, knights, explorers, and had become our secret meeting place when we had gotten older. It was a place that held many memories for us, and as I closed my eyes and felt the sleep claim me that had already claimed Star, I pulled her even closer and smiled once again thinking about how we had added one more memory to our special place.