A Ray Of Sunshine: March 2014

First off, let me say how sorry I am that it has taken this long to post a new chapter. My family has passed around the flu for the last two weeks and taking care of two kiddos with the flu is time consuming.

Besides sickness, I have been recently struggling with how I wanted to continue writing Jeff's story. I started second guessing what I was writing and what I wanted Jeff's story to look like in the future. After taking some time off from writing his story and venting my frustrations, ideas, worries, etc. I feel that I finally have a grasp on how I want to write Jeff's story and who all of these characters are. Thank you so much to LateKnightSimmer, Seera, and Amandralynn for listening to me vent and for helping me find the vision for this story! Jeff and I are indebted to you!

Onward we go with Jeff's story!

******

The past two days had been strained. Hell, I couldn’t remember the last time things weren’t strained between Rosamund and me, but the last two days had been even more so since she told me she was pregnant again. I was mad because she had told me about the baby in front of Star and Peter and she was mad for some reason that eluded me. Ever since I had asked about the ultrasound pictures from the first baby she had been upset. I didn’t understand it, and I really didn’t want to get into it with her since it meant we would have to have a lengthy discussion so I let it go.

We had gone most of the last two days without talking to each other, but as we were getting ready for bed, I knew that we needed to talk through some things before going home. It was either that or probably be sideswiped again by her exclaiming to our parents that we were having a baby. I had finished brushing my teeth and walked back into the bedroom, she was standing in front of the mirror inspecting her belly.

“Do you think I’m showing yet?” She asked me as I walked further into the room.

I sighed and then clenched my jaw as I looked over at her. In all honesty, I couldn’t imagine how she could look pregnant at a little over two months since she had never really shown at three months during the last pregnancy, but I figured I’d indulge her since I needed to talk to her and wanted the conversation to go smoothly. She really didn’t look any different to me than she did a month ago. “I don’t think so. If I remember correctly, Bridge didn’t start showing with the first twins until 3 months. Although, she was carrying two. . .”

She continued to stare at herself in the mirror, concentrating on her belly. It was funny how she was doing that this time but didn’t do it during the last pregnancy. I wondered what was going on in her head that had made her fixate on it now when she didn’t before.

“Rosamund, I think before we go home we should talk.”

“Hmm?” She snapped out of her belly fixation and looked at me. “You mean right now?”

I nodded. “There are a couple of things we should talk about.”

“Like what?”

“Had you planned on telling your parents while were in Appaloosa?”

“Yes, I figured it would be a good time.” I had no idea why I was surprised that she had planned on telling them without discussing it with me, but it did. Although, I could just envision eating Christmas dinner at her parent’s house and Rosamund announcing while we ate dessert that she was pregnant. I was really starting to wonder if she was going to include me in any announcement about this pregnancy.

“I wanted to make sure before you announced it, you know, have some kind of warning. . .” I had really tried to keep from sounding like I was picking at an old wound but once the words came out, I realized that I had.

“Jefferson, I know you’re still upset about the other day, but do you have to keep bringing it up?”

I looked away from her. “I just want to make sure that we are in agreement about what we’re going to tell our parents.”

“Fine.” She moved away from the mirror and stood at the end of the bed. “What do you want to do?”

“Well, I had also thought about telling my parents. I suppose we should just keep it to the basics; like how far along you are and due date. Why don’t you tell your parents when we’re having Christmas dinner at their place and then I can tell mine when we’re over there for dinner.” I suggested.

“That sounds fine.”

That had been the first night we had gone to bed and things between us had been civil. We woke up the next morning and saw that it had snowed the whole night and that there was a foot of snow covering everything. I stood on the front steps and looked out at all the snow.

“So, what do you think?” Peter asked as he joined me.

I looked around and then at him. “I just don’t see how we can make it. I talked to Mom about fifteen minutes ago and she said that it was even worse there. As much as I hate to admit it, I think we’re stuck here.”

Peter sighed. “I talked to my parents too and they said the same thing. I agree with you, I think we need to stay put.” I looked at him and nodded. We walked back into the house and Star and Rosamund were waiting for us in the kitchen.

“So, what’s the verdict?” Star wondered.

“Jeff and I both think it’s better for us to stay here. We can wait and see if some of it clears off by tomorrow or the next day. . .”

“But that’s Christmas Eve and Christmas!” Rosamund protested.

“We know that, Rosamund. We can’t do anything about the weather.” I argued with her. She glared at me and then stomped off to our bedroom.

“Geez Jeff, what’s her deal?” Peter inquired.

I had noticed the last couple days that Rosamund seemed to get upset easier than she had before; which meant that she was upset at something almost all the time. “I’m starting to think it’s pregnancy related; although she didn’t act like this before. It’s strange, everything about this pregnancy is different. She’s more emotional, she’s obsessed about gaining weight, she has nausea; she just seems to have more symptoms this time.”

“God, Jeff! If she’s even more emotional and touchy than normal, what are we all supposed to do? She’s going to want to kill us all by the time she has the baby.” Star feared.

I smirked and tried to assure her. “It will be fine, just try to stay out of her way for now.”

Rosamund came back out of the bedroom and was crying. “Now what are we supposed to do? We were going to tell our parents when we got home!” She complained. I looked over at Star and Peter and they were quickly leaving the room and going upstairs. I wished I could have joined them but instead I was faced with the task of trying to get Rosamund to calm down.

“We still may get home. Maybe the roads will be cleared by tomorrow, or the next day. And even if they aren’t, we can still call and tell them.” I tried reasoning with her.

“But I wanted to do it in person!” She whined.

“Rosamund, it will be fine either way. I know it would be nice to tell them in person but we can’t help that if we can’t get home.” She sat down on one of the stools and huffed.

“How do you stay so calm through this? This is driving me crazy!”

I sat down next to her. “I figure I can either accept the situation or I can get upset. Getting upset isn’t going to get us home any sooner, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d rather tell my parents in person but if we can’t get there then I’ll just have to accept telling them over the phone.”

She seemed to calm down and looked at me. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m acting this way. One minute I’m fine and then the next I’m crying over something that normally might upset me, but not enough to cry about.”

I chuckled. “Maybe it has something to do with you being pregnant. . .” I hinted.

She looked baffled and then thoughtful. “I guess that could be why. I had always heard that woman could be emotional when they’re pregnant.”

“I just remember when Bridge was pregnant with the boys that she was even more emotional than normal. I have no idea how Carson has done it with these two pregnancies.”

“Are you saying I’m acting like her?” She asked defensively.

“No. You know Bridge, she’s over emotional anyway. So being pregnant makes her even more so.”

She seemed to accept that answer. “I’m going to call Mom again and see if anything’s changed there.” She announced.

“Sounds good. Let me know what she says.” While Rosamund went into the bedroom and called her mom, I sat down on the couch and started watching TV. I turned on the weather and saw that they were forecasting that the snow was going to continue through the rest of the day and probably stop sometime the next morning. It didn’t sound promising that we were going to be able to leave tomorrow. Maybe we could on Christmas, but with that much snow, I was going to be surprised if we got home for Christmas this year.

Rosamund came back into the living room and sat down. “Well, it’s still pouring down snow in Appaloosa. I haven’t even bothered to look out the window. Do you know if it’s still snowing here?”

I was about to tell her I didn’t know but Peter answered for me as he and Star came back downstairs. “It is. It’s coming down even harder.”

I had never seen so much snow fall in such a short time. I was very thankful that we had some food in the house because it didn’t even seem like we could have made it to a store. “At least we still have power and we have food.” I admitted.

We sat around most of the day watching movies and occasionally checking the weather. There was one point where it seemed like the snow was letting up but it just kept falling. By the next morning it was obvious that we weren’t going to be going home to Appaloosa for Christmas. They had a total of three and a half feet of snow and we had three.

Once we realized that we weren’t going home, Rosamund started her complaining and worrying again. “Now what”?! We don’t have food for a Christmas dinner, we don’t have a Christmas tree, we can’t tell our parents about the baby in person!” Rosamund was on her way to another melt down.

“Actually, I’m pretty sure I saw a fake tree in the attic that Bridge and Carson must have left behind and I wouldn’t be surprised if there was some decorations up there. We do have food, just not for a big Christmas dinner, and as far as telling our parents, we could always wait a little longer if telling them in person is that big of a deal to you.” I offered. She seemed to calm down a little.

“I don’t want to wait. I’d rather go ahead and tell them on the phone.”

“That’s fine, we can do that maybe on Christmas. Kind of a long distance Christmas present for them.” I suggested.

“Oh! That’s a wonderful idea!” Before I knew what was happening she was kissing me and then running off to the bedroom. I watched with confusion as she made her way to our bedroom. I couldn’t keep up with her mood changes. She was literally going from acting devastated one minute to being ecstatic the next. The more I witnessed of her mood swings, the more I kept wondering how Carson dealt with Bridge’s. I made a note to call him at some point to get advice.

“Jeff, how are you going to deal with that for however many months?” Peter wondered.

I turned around and looked at them. “I’ve been wondering the same thing. I thought about calling Carson and asking for some advice.”

“That might be a good idea because we’re all in uncharted territory. I’m afraid if I breathe wrong she’s going to flip out.” Star expressed.

“I know, I feel the same way. I keep hoping that she’ll even out more as the pregnancy continues on.” I looked at Peter. “Hey, you want to help me get that tree out of the attic and help me look for decorations?”

“Sure!” He agreed and gave Star a kiss before we headed up the stairs. For a moment it felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I had been feeling more and more like that whenever I saw Peter and Star together. Especially after the night Star and I had talked in the upstairs office area. That had been the night that I had realized just how sad my marriage was to Rosamund. It seemed like ever since that night I had noticed how great their relationship was and I always felt some level of pain each time I witnessed them being affectionate with each other. I started walking up the stairs and Peter started following me. I turned on the light when we arrived at the attic. There wasn’t too much in up there, mostly broken down boxes from when each of us moved into the house and some left over items that Bridge and Carson had left behind for some reason. I walked toward the back where I thought I had seen the Christmas tree.

“So. . .how are you really doing?” Peter asked.

I continued to walk and look forward. “I’m fine.”

“Bullshit, Jeff. I know you better than that.”

I stopped and turned around. “Really, considering the circumstances, I’m fine.”

****Peter****

“You know, most of the time I don’t bug you about things, because I know you. I know what’s going on in that head of yours even if you don’t show it. People think because I don’t say much that it’s because I’m not paying attention or that I don’t know what’s happening when in reality, it’s the opposite. I know why you’re still with Rosamund. I also know that you’re still upset about the first pregnancy, and that this one was a shock for you. I know she’s annoying you beyond belief but you wouldn’t admit that to anyone. I also know that even though you don’t show any of these things to others, that you would have to be the most unfeeling and uncaring human being on the planet for none of this to affect you. Hell, you’d have to be a robot for any of this not to; and that’s not you. You feel things, you just don’t like to show people.”

“You’re just listening to what Star’s telling you.” He half joked and smiled. I didn’t return his smile though.

“Even if I do, she’s exactly right. I don’t get it, Jeff. When we were all in high school there wasn’t anything that we didn’t know. You shut everyone else out, but not Star and me. Then Rosamund came along and you shut the two of us out; Star more so than me. And in all honesty, that’s when things started getting crazy with you. You might think that’s a coincidence, but I don’t. You’re a logical guy. You like facts. Well, that’s a simple fact that I don’t understand how even you can possibly convince yourself isn’t true. You started listening to Rosamund, and things got messy. Now you feel stuck because of your future career. I get it; and I get that she’s your wife and going to be the mother of your child and you can’t shut her out, but damnit Jeff, at least let Star and I back in. You can’t face all of this alone and Rosamund sure as hell isn’t going to help you.”

I watched as he processed what I said. I knew he probably wouldn’t listen to me and would continue doing what he had done because that’s what Jeff did. I admired many things about him but the one thing that I had started to realize about him was that he was prideful. He hated admitting when he made mistakes and him getting together with Rosamund had been the biggest mistake he could ever have made. He might every once in a while admit that some things were not ideal but he wasn’t about to admit that he had made a mistake.

“I do feel bad about what happened between Star and me. I wish things had happened differently with her after Rosamund and I got together and I’ve tried to be more open with her, hoping to repair the damage that had happened to our friendship, but I had no idea you felt that I’ve been distant towards you. I’m sorry Peter. I guess I figure that since you live here that I don’t need to talk about what’s going on with me. I appreciate that you and Star have stuck by me through some interesting times and I don’t ever want either of you to feel that I don’t. . .”

“God, Jeff! This isn’t about that! Throw us a bone! You can’t even admit to your best friends that you’ve made mistakes and now you’re friggin’ miserable!”

“What are you talking about?” He looked really confused.

“Just what I said. We can be here for you but you’ve got to let us in and honestly share what’s going on with you, how you’re feeling.”

“I’m. . .confused. I have been doing that. That’s what I meant by me being more open with Star. She and I talked about Rosamund’s and my relationship and how I’m feeling a couple of months ago and the other night when she found me at the bar.”

Now I was the confused one. Star had never mentioned to me that they had talked about any of those things and I had no idea why she had done that. I had never known her to keep things from me.

“I did just talk to her about how limited I thought my choices were with leaving or staying with Rosamund because of the baby. A lot has been going on the last couple of days so maybe she hasn’t had a chance to talk to you about it. I mean, I don’t mind talking about it with you if you want. . .”

“No, that’s okay.” I said quickly. I already felt strange that Jeff knew that Star and I hadn’t talked about the conversations that he and Star had and I definitely didn’t want to let him know exactly how little I knew. “I’m sure she’ll fill me in on what I don’t know at some point. No point in you rehashing what you’ve already said. Plus, I’m sure the girls are wondering what’s taking us so long to find a tree and ornaments in a not very crowded attic. As a matter of fact, isn’t that the tree over there?” I pointed to a dark corner of the attic and Jeff turned around.

“Yup, that’s it! I knew I had seen one up here; and there’s even a box of ornaments and lights. Hopefully the lights still work. Why don’t we grab the tree and then come back up for the ornaments and lights.” He suggested. We each grabbed an end of the tree and carefully made our way down the stairs to the living room where Star and Rosamund were waiting.

“Oh yay! You found it!” Rosamund exclaimed.

“We did. Hey Peter, I’ll grab the box of ornaments and lights.”

“Are you sure? Don’t you need help with the box?” I argued with him.

“No. I’ll be fine.” Before I could argue with him anymore he was climbing back up the stairs.

“Thank goodness you found one. She’s been going on about it since she came back into the living room. I think she would have lost it if there hadn’t been one.” Star said as she stood next to me.

“I bet.” I started moving some of the sitting area furniture around so the tree could sit near the front windows.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Did Jeff say something that upset you? You were kind of gone for a while.” She put her hand on my arm and I stopped what I was doing to look at her. I started wondering if I should be upset at all that she didn’t tell me about the conversations she had with Jeff. It had never bothered me before, but Star and I hadn’t been dating before. I wasn’t sure if I was upset because I was excluded as a friend from their conversation or if somehow, I was upset that Star, as my girlfriend had kept something from me.

“What is it?” She asked with a little more urgency.

“I don’t want to talk about it here. I’d rather wait till we are alone.”

“Okay. . .” She said with quite a bit of uncertainty in her voice. I was thankful that Jeff came back down stairs with the box of ornaments and lights at that point. Rosamund eagerly opened the box and started sorting through the ornaments and lights. Star went over to help her while Jeff and I moved the tree.

“Everything okay?” Jeff asked.

“Yeah, just kind of bummed about not going home; I’ll get over it.” I lied to him and hoped he’d buy it.

“I know what you mean. It would have been nice to go home and see the family. I really miss seeing everyone.” I was relieved that he seemed to believe me.

Jeff and I started placing the lights around the tree and then we all started placing ornaments on the tree. As Star and I kept passing each other and standing next to each other I noticed her trying to exchange glances with me. I tried not to make too much eye contact, fearing that my facial expression would give away what I was feeling. It was times like this that I wished I could hide how I felt like Jeff did all the time.

We placed the final ornaments on the tree and stepped back to look at it. Considering it was an older fake tree, it looked really good.

“So, whose going to put the star on the tree?” Rosamund wondered out loud.

“I don’t want to speak for Star, but I don’t think she would want to be put on top of the tree.” Jeff joked.

We all chuckled. “Yeah, that might be a little uncomfortable.” Star joked too.

“Why don’t you put it on Jeff. You’re the one that thought of getting it out of the attic.” I offered.

Jeff looked at all of us, making sure that we all agreed and grabbed the star once he was convinced. As he walked up to the tree I looked over at Star; she was watching him but there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary about her expression. Maybe I was trying to make something out of nothing. Jeff placed the star on the tree and we all clapped. I noticed that Rosamund grabbed his hand after he went to stand next to her again. He actually held her hand which was the first time I had seen him show any affection towards her in weeks.

“Hey, can we go somewhere now and talk about whatever is bothering you?” Star interrupted my thoughts.

I looked over at Jeff and Rosamund again and noticed them having their own private conversation. “Sure.” I followed Star as she walked up the stairs and then into my room. After walking through the doorway, I turned around to close the door. I still wasn’t sure what exactly was bothering me but there was one thing that I knew I wanted to know the answer to.