Chapter Seventeen: A Downhill Slide - Part Two

Star quickly turned around and tried to look like she was busy doing something in the kitchen but it was more than obvious she really wasn’t. I sighed what felt like the millionth sigh that day and put my pillow down on the counter. She heard me and she turned back around to look at me.

“I’m sorry, Jeff. I came downstairs to get a little snack and right when I was about to get something out of the fridge you were coming out of the door.”

I looked down at the floor. “How much did you hear?” I looked up at her and the fact that she looked away told me that she had heard everything. We stood there for several minutes in silence.

“Do you. . .want to talk about it?” I wasn’t sure and I really didn’t know if I should talk to Star about it. “It’s okay, Jeff. I’ll just grab my snack and head back upstairs.” I watched as she opened the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk. I then watched as she poured a second glass of milk. She returned the carton to the fridge and turned back around. She put a plate of cookies in front of me and then placed one of the glasses down. She grabbed one of the cookies for herself, picked up the other glass of milk and started to walk out of the kitchen. “I figured you could use a cookie.” She said as she went up the stairs.

I closed my eyes. “Star, wait.” I didn’t know if what I was about to do was a good idea but I needed to talk to someone. I turned around and she had stopped walking up the stairs.

“You might want to grab the cookies. I have a feeling this is going to be a long conversation.” I couldn’t help but smile at her insistence about getting the cookies. I turned back around and got my pillow, cookies, and glass of milk and I followed her as she walked upstairs. But instead of going into her room on the second floor, she kept walking up to the third floor and went into what used to be Bridge’s old art studio. We had turned the room into more of a den or study. I often came in here and did school work when the lower two floors were noisier. 

Star walked over to the couch and sat down. I placed the plate of cookies and my glass of milk on the coffee table and sat next to her. “Why did you come up here?” I wondered.

“I thought we’d have more privacy up here.” She admitted and she was probably right.

“Isn’t Peter going to wonder where you are?” 

She looked at me with a scolding look that only Star could give. “Jeff, just because Peter and I are dating doesn’t mean that we’ve slept together.”

I was a little embarrassed that I had brought it up or even thought about it. “I’m sorry, I guess I just figured that since I had seen you coming out of his room several times early in the morning that you and he. . .” I stopped myself from finishing the sentence.

She kept looking at me with a disapproving look. “Maybe that’s because we’ve spent many nights staying up late talking like you and I are doing right now and I fell asleep in his room. . .” Now I felt like an incredible jerk.

“I’m sorry, Star.”

She attempted to smile “It’s okay. I suppose most people would think that.

We sat there eating cookies in silence before I heard her chuckle. “What’s so funny?” I asked her.

“Do you remember when we were little and I would sneak out of the house and meet you in your tree house? You would sneak out of the house and grab a snack so we could share it while we talked. How many times did we fall asleep in that treehouse?”

“God, I don’t know. . .I can’t believe we never got caught. This does kind of seem like that, doesn’t it.” We both smiled at each other and then she suddenly got a sad look in her eyes. “What is it?”

She looked out the window and pulled her knees up to her chest. “Sometimes I just wish we could go back there. Before we got older and things got so complicated with growing up and life in general.”

I looked down at the floor and thought about what she had just said. Things were definitely less complicated back then. All we had to worry about back then was our parents catching us in the tree house when we weren’t supposed to be.

“Hey, we were supposed to come up here and talk about you. Not relive the past.” She commented and looked back at me.

I sighed. “I mean, you pretty much heard it all. There’s not much to add to it.”

“Damn it, Jeff. Stop. It’s me, I know you and as much as you want to try to shut me out and think that I don’t know you anymore, I still do. Underneath it all you are still the Jeff Hobble I knew when we used to climb into that tree house. I heard what happened but what about you, are you okay?”

I didn’t know how to answer that question. Was I okay? I had tried to shut off my emotions for so long I didn’t even know what I felt anymore; which made me believe that what Star had just said wasn’t true. “That guy doesn’t exist anymore Star. That version of me would have been able to talk about what I felt. Hell, I would have at least felt something. Most of the time I feel like I’ve lost all feeling; I’m either just here or upset. There’s not much in between.”

“Jeff, I know you still feel things. You’ve just started wearing a mask more so people won’t notice how you’re really feeling. You don’t have to do that you know. No one is going to think less of you if you show how you really feel.”

****Star****

I looked at him and I was saddened by the sight sitting next to me. He was slumped over and couldn’t even look up at me. When had he become this sad version of the guy I once knew?  The second I thought of that question, I knew what the answer was. It all went back to prom night.

“Jeff, why did you marry Rosamund?” He looked at me and had a defensive look. “I don’t mean it that way; I’m just asking, not judging.”

He took a minute before he answered. “Well, I’m not going to lie, one of the reasons was she was pregnant. I felt that I needed to do what was right and be there for her and the baby. I know that I could have done that without marrying her but to me that just wouldn’t have been right. Then there were the less than noble reasons.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I thought that if I married her that even if it became known that she had gotten pregnant before we got married, that I might have a chance at a political career. I hate to admit it, but that was one of the reasons.”

There was another lengthy silence before I decided to push my luck.

“Jeff, I know that being in politics has always been a dream of yours but is that dream making you happy anymore? Is that really your dream now? Is that what your heart is telling you to do?” I was praying at this point that he would open his eyes and see that what he was holding onto wasn’t giving him happiness but instead was causing him sorrow that if he didn’t pull away from now, he was going to regret it for many, many years if not the rest of his life. 

“It’s basically all I’ve got left. I mean, I’ve been holding onto that dream for as long as I can remember and I’m more determined now to hold onto it. Nothing else has turned out the way I thought it would and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this dream slip out of my hands.”

While I admired his tenacity I still couldn’t understand his obsession and I often wondered if my helping him achieve his dream was causing him more pain than happiness. I always came back to the reasons that I told myself were why I was helping him.  One was that I knew Jeff would be great as mayor. He would do great things for the people of Appaloosa or where ever he wanted to serve people. Another reason was that even though I thought that him pursuing his dream was going to bring him misery, some part of me wanted to believe that he was right and that this was his last chance at being happy. I really hoped he would find happiness at some point. But my biggest reason for sticking by him and helping him was I had started to feel that no one, not even Rosamund had Jeff’s best interests in mind and that I wanted to try to protect him as much as possible. I couldn’t explain it, I knew it sounded crazy but I just couldn’t leave him at the mercy of Rosamund and anyone else that could possibly take advantage of him. It was like I knew at some point he was going to need someone to be by his side and I knew it wasn’t going to be Rosamund.

“I really appreciate you and Peter helping me with my run for student council president. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.”

“I know. We’ve all been friends for a long time now, Jeff and there’s not a whole lot that Peter and I wouldn’t do for you.” I gave him a little smile and he smiled back at me. We sat there for several seconds just staring at each other. I don’t know what was going on in that head of his because he had once again made his face have no expression, but I was having trouble catching my breath.  He was about to say something when we heard someone’s voice coming from outside the door.

“Jefferson, where are you?” It was Rosamund and I knew if she saw Jeff and I in a room alone, she would get the wrong idea. 

“You stay here. I’ll go get her to go back in our bedroom and you can come out in a little bit.” Jeff knew as well as I did that she would have had a fit if she saw us both in the room. He picked up his pillow and quickly headed out the door. I heard them talk for a minute and then it was quiet. I sat there waiting for what felt like an eternity before I ventured to the door to peak outside. I was relieved when I saw no one there. I grabbed the plate of cookies and glasses and headed downstairs to the kitchen to clean up. While I was in the kitchen I heard them arguing again. All I could do was shake my head and hope that somehow this horrible situation worked itself out. I sighed as I walked upstairs and headed to bed but I was sure I wasn’t going to sleep.

****Jeff****

I got Rosamund to go to our bedroom and hoped that Star would be able to go to bed soon. As soon as we got in out room Rosamund was trying to talk to me about the whole birth control and baby thing.

“Jefferson, please try to understand. I wasn’t doing it to be deceptive, I honestly thought that we didn’t want to have a child right now. I was wrong.  But you never gave me an indication that you felt differently.”

“You really don’t get this, do you?” She looked shocked that I was still upset. “This is about you making a decision like taking birth control or not taking birth control without me. You made a decision like that without me. If you had explained it then, I might have agreed; but you waited till after the fact. How long would you have gone without telling me you were on birth control?! It’s seems pretty clear that the only reason you told me was because I flat out asked why you hadn’t gotten pregnant!” 

“I’m so sorry, Jefferson! I know I made a terrible decision and I wish now I hadn’t but I can’t go back and change it. What do you want me to do? I’ll do anything to make this right.” She was crying hysterically at this point. I rubbed my chin and closed my eyes. Something was going to have to give and once again, it looked like it was going to be me. Even though she was the one who had hid something and made a decision like that without me, I was going to be the one that had to make it all better. 

“Are you going to keep taking it?” She looked up at me surprised.

“Do you want me to?” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Now she asked me what I wanted. 

“I think you’re right, having a child now would be a horrible idea.” I got into bed, turned off my lamp and rolled over so I didn’t have to look at her. The truth was that I did want to have a child but after what had just happened I knew that there was no way I was going to bring a child into this mess. I felt her get into bed and she turned off her light. I eventually heard her breathing slow and she started to snore lightly. I layed there the rest of the night never falling asleep; thinking how my future career was all I had left to hang onto.

A month later we were waiting in the living room with several of our friends to hear the results of the election. Things hadn’t gotten any better between Rosamund and I. We were barely speaking at home but in front of others we acted like we were a happy couple. It was so tiring to me keeping up this appearance that everything was fine. Star tried several times since that night to talk to me about it but I told her I didn’t want to talk about it.

I felt a hand on my back and I had to remind myself to not cringe. I instead looked over at Rosamund and smiled as sweetly as I could. As sick as I was what she had done, I was more sickened by what I was doing; putting out this fake persona so people would think everything was okay.  I heard my cell phone ring and everyone got quiet. I swiped the screen to answer the call and within seconds I heard the news. I  thanked the caller and hung up. I looked around at everyone, looking at Star last and then I smiled. 

Everyone started cheering and Peter came up to me and slapped me on the back. “Congratulations, Student Body President!” I let out a relieved sigh and Peter and I hugged. Star came over and she gave me a hug. “Congratulations, Jeff.” She said quietly and then she walked into the kitchen. She had been acting differently since the night we talked and I had been too preoccupied with my own troubles to ask what was wrong. As soon as things calmed down I needed to ask her what was wrong.

Several more people came up and congratulated me and then Peter was demanding that I give a speech. After a little persuasion, I gave in.

“I can’t thank all of you in this room enough. All of you have supported me and believed in me and I greatly appreciate it! I want to especially thank Star and Peter for all their hard work and of course my wife for always being my rock and biggest supporter. Thanks everyone!” People applauded and I went to stand next to Rosamund again. She put her arm through mine and leaned on my shoulder.  I spent the next hour and a half talking to and thanking everyone.  As the last person left, Peter came up to me and handed me box.

“What’s this?” I asked him. He and Star were both smiling.

“I got you something to help celebrate your victory.” He said with a mischievous grin.

I opened up the box and inside was a 20 year old bottle of scotch. I chuckled. “So you want me to participate in underage drinking to celebrate?” I joked with him.

“Hey, no one else is around and you technically didn’t buy it. I did and it was perfectly legal. Come on, open it up.” I walked into the kitchen and while I opened the bottle, Peter got four glasses out. I poured a little in each glass and Peter handed each of us a glass.

“To Jeff Hobble, the best ASU student body president!” We all clinked our glasses together and took a sip. The girls didn’t quite appreciate the taste of the scotch and both decided not to have anymore. They both decided to head to bed and Peter and I took the bottle of scotch into the family room and sat down.

“Thanks for that, man! I appreciate it.”

“What are best friends for? Anyway, I figure you might need it either way. You could celebrate or drown your sorrows.” Truth be told I was probably doing both. As happy as I was about winning the election, I was still miserable thinking about other parts of my life. That made me think of Star and how I once again wasn’t able to talk to her about what was wrong.

“Hey, I noticed that Star’s kind of been. . .I don’t know, down? Is she okay?”

Peter got a serious look and shook his head. “Yeah, she’s been a little stressed lately with school. Things are getting tougher for her and she’s having to submit some big design projects. I don’t know how she does it. I mean, she’s always wondering how I’m able to do the stuff I do for business classes but what she does is insane to me. The way she looks at things and sees how they should go together, I just don’t get it. She’s going to make a fabulous interior designer someday.” I couldn’t help but notice how proud Peter sounded. Maybe it was just a coincidence that she started acting that way since we talked that one night. 

Peter and I sat there for a while talking and drinking. By the time we decided to head to bed we had drunk about three fourths of the bottle and we were both very tipsy. We said goodnight and I headed into the bedroom. 

All the lights but the bathroom were off and it appeared that Rosamund had fallen asleep. I tried to quietly get ready for bed but I was having a difficult time since my balance was impaired. I managed to change and brush my teeth without making too much noise and I climbed into bed. I never remembered falling asleep and I didn’t remember anything until I woke up the next morning.  I thought it was odd that I wasn’t wearing any clothes. I was sure I had put on shorts before I had gone to bed. I didn’t remember much after that, but I clearly remembered putting on shorts. I rolled over and saw Rosamund sleeping next to me. She wasn’t wearing any clothes either. What the hell happened last night?

Rosamund stretched. “Morning.” She said with a big smile on her face.  Oh God, did we. . .

“Umm. . .Rosamund, how did I end up naked?” 

She giggled and smiled. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember.” She looked at me like she was hoping I’d correct her but I couldn’t. “You don’t, do you?” She stopped smiling and got a worried look on her face.

“Did we. . .” I didn’t even want to think about it but I had to know.

“Well, yes. Several times.” It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

“Please tell me you’re still on birth control.” Please God! Please!

“I am.” I let out a loud sigh and got out of bed.

“Jefferson, you act like it would be the worst thing if I got pregnant.”

“Believe me, Rosamund; It would.” I walked into the bathroom and was relieved that something seemed to have gone right for once.

****Rosamund****

Once he was in the bathroom I smiled. I had been racking my brain trying to figure out how to get him to sleep with me. We hadn’t slept together since before our argument about the birth control and that’s all I had thought about since. I just knew that if I got pregnant his behavior toward me would change and we could go back to the way things were between us before the argument.  I had to stop myself from chuckling. It was the complete reverse of what happened our senior year in high school. Then I pretended to be pregnant, now I wanted nothing more. Hopefully last night had done the trick.

Credits:
Spladoum - The Morning After