Chapter Seventeen: A Downhill Slide - Part One

Yay! Finally a new chapter! This is a lengthy one so I spit it into two parts. I had originally had it set how the next several chapters were going to unfold but Jeff had other ideas. So I've been reworking ideas and everything is back on track now.  Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter and there are more to come shortly!  Thanks for reading!

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Change.  . .It had occurred in every area of my life. All around me and inside me.  As I sat at the dining room table with Rosamund, Star, and Peter I looked around at all of them and wondered how we all got to this point. It was as if someone had pushed fast forward and all of a sudden we were in our third year at ASU.

I started rubbing my head as I listened to the three of them go around and talk about the upcoming student government election.  It was the same thing every time there was a discussion like this; either Star or Rosamund would make a suggestion, Peter would agree with Star, Rosamund would object to some part of their suggestion and they would go around and around discussing it. 

I looked at Star as she tried to convince Rosamund that I shouldn’t do what Rosamund was suggesting.  I couldn’t help but think about how much had changed with her. She and Peter had moved in the summer between our freshman and sophomore year and it wasn’t long after that that she and Peter started dating. I was happy for both of them, but at first, it was a little strange to see them together since they had just been friends for years.  It had surprisingly not taken very long for all of us to adjust to living together. I was now glad that Rosamund had suggested it.

Then there was the change in hers and Rosamund’s relationship. In high school, they would avoid confrontation. You could always tell the tension was there between them, but they never acted out on it. Now, it was the complete opposite. It didn’t start off that way, though. When Star and Peter first moved in it was exactly like it had been in high school. Then, last year I started to run for student body vice president and something happened. Star had made a suggestion about a speech that I was giving and Rosamund didn’t agree with what Star was suggesting. They stood in front of each other, glaring at each other. For the rest of the day they slammed doors, mumbled under their breaths but they never said anything to each other. I came home the next day and Star and Rosamund were standing in the kitchen and were startled by me returning home. They looked at each other, Star said something to Rosamund, turned to say hi to me and then went up to her room. 

Ever since then, they had been vocal about when they disagreed, not in a nasty way, though. I tried to find out from both Rosamund and Star what happened but they both would only tell me that they came to an agreement about things.

Then there was the change in Rosamund’s and my relationship. Ever since the night that we had asked Star and Peter to move in with us, things were different between us. Once I thought about what Rosamund had said to me that night, I realized that she was right. My dream of being mayor one day wasn’t just going to happen and I had to get myself back into the game. The first full year of college I had just gone through the motions and that wasn’t going to cut it. Whereas before it felt that we were dancing around each other, now we were more of a team and whenever I started to have doubts, she was my cheerleader, encouraging me to keep going.  

The whole dynamic between all of us had also changed. It was just like Rosamund had said, once we all pulled together, we were a force to reckon with. We became a close knit team even if we had some disagreements about what course of action to take. Each person played to their strengths.  Peter had always been a very organized person and was pretty much a manager of the campaign, Star was in charge of communications/volunteer coordinator, and Rosamund had her hands in everything. Whatever was needed, she would do.  

I was brought back to the conversation by the sound of Rosamund and Star arguing.

“Why wouldn’t he mention the fact that the athletic department gets a ridiculous amount of money while academics gets a fraction of it? Shouldn’t someone try to do something about it?” Rosamund suggested.

“Sure, if you want to alienate a whole section of the student body.” Star tried to reason with her.

“Star does have a point. You’d have a lot of angry athletes not to mention those that are diehard fans. I don’t think he should take that route.” Peter agreed with Star.

“But isn’t it unfair how much money they get and the academics are scrounging by?”

“Yes, it is. I’m not arguing with you about that, I’m saying that if you open up that can of worms he’s going to piss a lot of people off. It needs to stay out of the speech.” Star kept trying to reason with Rosamund.

I looked as all of them kept taking turns, discussing why they were right. I had finally had enough. “Hey, I have a great idea, why don’t we actually ask the guy giving the speech what he thinks?” They immediately stopped and turned to stare at me.

“Well, what do you think?” Star asked.

I looked around at all of them before answering. “While I do agree that it’s an issue that could be discussed, I have to agree that I’d be shooting myself in the foot if I mentioned it in the speech.” I looked at Rosamund and she sighed. 

“Alright, if that’s what you want to do.” I smiled at her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She smiled at me and turned to Star and Peter. “I guess you’re right. It wouldn’t be a good move.” It really amazed me how these three people had come together to help me. I could never express to any of them how grateful I was to them. Especially Star and Peter; they didn’t have to help me but they chose to give up their time.

****Rosamund****

  

I watched as Jefferson walked into the kitchen and was about to follow him myself when Star interrupted me.   

  

“There are several people lined up to hand out flyers a couple days before the debate to try to get attendance up. It amazes me how little interest most people take in the student body elections. There’s stuff that is going on that impacts where they go to school but they just go to classes, party, and maybe study.” She sighed. “Hey Rosamund, do you think you could help hand out some flyers?” She turned to look at me and I wondered why she even bothered to ask. She had to already know what the answer would be.

“Of course I’ll hand out some flyers. Anything to help Jefferson.” I decided to get up before she could stop me again. I was okay talking to her now but I didn’t particularly want to spend any more time then I had to with her. I walked into the kitchen and put my arm around Jefferson. I was so glad that after our talk a little over a year ago that he had centered his attention back onto his future. Once he seemed to move past the whole miscarriage thing, everything got better between us.

I heard the dining room chairs scrape across the hardwood floors and looked over at the table. Star and Peter had gotten up and he was whispering something to her while pulling her closer to him. I had been surprised that the two of them had gotten together but it was one less thing I had to worry about. Not that I thought she was competition anymore; Jefferson had made his choice. More so that she wouldn’t be a distraction to him and his career. Everyone was where they needed to be, doing what they needed to do to get Jefferson’s future in line and there didn’t need to be any distractions from people butting in where they didn’t need to be.

That was one thing that Star and I had discussed during a conversation she and I had when Jefferson ran for Vice-President last year. She and I had disagreed on how Jefferson should approach a subject if it was brought up in a debate. I had suggested he skirt around the issue and she believed that he should tackle it head on. We had glared at each other for several minutes and then spent the rest of the day cursing at each other under our breath and letting each other know how pissed off we were at the other by slamming doors and huffing around the house.  All that was doing was creating unnecessary drama and distracting Jefferson. 

The next day I made a point to find her when the guys weren’t around and we had it out. We stood there for a good forty five minutes in the kitchen cussing each other out, calling each other all the names we had wanted to call each other since our senior year I high school, and getting out all of our frustration that we felt toward each other. When we had finished, we stood there glaring at each other but it seemed like a big weight had been lifted off of each of us.  We finally agreed that we were never going to be friends or anything close to it; but we were each going to be in Jefferson’s life and we had to figure out a way to tolerate each other. We decided to concentrate on the one thing that we had in common, wanting Jefferson to succeed. We put up with each other for him and that day we came to an understanding that it was okay for us to not like each other and to disagree; as long as we kept what was best for Jefferson in mind, we could do all of those things and still coexist together.   

We had just finished our talk when Jefferson had come home from classes and saw Star and I having our conversation. He had asked both of us several times what had happened but Star and I had agreed to keep our conversation between the two of us.

I heard Star giggle and I was snapped out of my thoughts to see Peter and her kissing. It really was a weird sight. I didn’t know what he saw in her, but then I never really understood what Jefferson or any guy saw in her. To me she was a bossy, nosy, opinionated, and a nuisance. But she worked hard for Jefferson and there was no denying that she wanted what was best for him so I put up with her. I turned to look at Jeff and he had a look on his face that was unreadable.

****Star****

I watched as Rosamund got up from the table and walked into the kitchen. I hated when she did stuff like that; like I was below her and I was dismissed. I really had to bite my tongue with her and it was a daily battle. The only reason I was even trying was for Jeff. Once we had started talking again I realized that if he and I had any chance of being friends I was going to have to learn to live with Rosamund. I had fought that when we were in high school, but now that they were married, there was no getting around it. So I put up with her, for Jeff.

I suppose I could have just said screw it and walked away from my friendship with Jeff, but we had known each other our whole lives and I felt like I couldn’t turn my back on him. Plus no one else seemed to be looking after him so I felt the responsibility had fallen to me. Bridge would have looked after him but she had gotten married and had twins so she couldn’t stay here and look after him. Before she and Carson had moved back to Appaloosa she had pulled me aside and asked me to keep an eye on him and especially Rosamund. I was glad to know I wasn’t the only person that thought there was something off about her. I had lost count over the last couple years how many times I had wished that he had listened to Bridge or me. It drove me nuts how I still had that feeling about Rosamund too. I just kept waiting for a bomb to drop that never seemed to fall. Every once in a great while I wondered if it was all in my head and that maybe she really wasn’t all that bad. But then I would witness what appeared to be her scheming  and I would get those feelings of animosity again.

I felt Peter squeeze my hand and I looked over at him. He smiled at me and I felt myself smile back. I think everyone had been surprised by Peter and I getting together, and in all honesty, Peter and I were just as surprised. Once we had all started hanging out together again I had noticed Peter sneaking glances at me when he thought I wasn’t looking.  It had gone on for several weeks before we moved in with Jeff and Rosamund and I knew we needed to talk about it before we moved in with them. We had met in a park a couple nights before we were moving and I confronted him about it. 

At first he tried to deny it but after several attempts at prying it out of him he finally admitted that he was interested in me and at first I was too shocked to know what to do. He had told me that no matter how I felt, he wouldn’t let our friendship be affected. About a week later we had gotten situated in the ASU house and I started noticing that I was starting to sneak glances at him too. We both continued to do that for a couple weeks and then finally he asked me out on a date. We went to a movie and then walked around town before we returned home. It was kind of different saying good night after a first date when you lived together; but we got through the slight awkwardness and after our first date, things had progressed pretty quickly.

I felt Peter squeeze my hand again and I looked back over at him. I could tell that he knew I was trying to control myself with Rosamund. He chuckled and as he stood up he pulled me up with him. 

 

“One of these days I’m going to come downstairs and find her duck taped to a chair, aren’t I?” He quietly joked.

“No, but don’t think I haven’t thought about doing it.” I pretended I was joking but in all honesty, I had thought about doing it many, many times; along with her mouth.

“Maybe I should go buy all the duck tape within five miles of here?” The thought of him doing that made me giggle.

“What if I kept a secret stash?” He laughed and then pulled me in for a kiss.  For a brief moment, I forgot that Rosamund even existed.

****Peter****

As Star and I stopped kissing I looked down at her and smiled.  I always loved staring into her eyes; not just because they were a gorgeous shade of brown but also because you could always tell what she was thinking by looking into them. That had always been the case. Since I first met her I had noticed that no matter what her face might be showing, her eyes were the key to knowing exactly how she felt. They were the gateway to her soul. 

I noticed Star look quickly over my shoulder and then just as quickly she looked back at me. I turned around and saw Jeff and Rosamund staring at us from the kitchen. Rosamund looked disgusted and Jeff had an expression that was unreadable. 

I had always thought it was funny how Star, Jeff and I were good friends. All three of us were completely different. I was the type of person that you could tell what I was thinking and feeling by looking at my face. Star, she could hide it on her face, but not her eyes. Jeff you couldn’t tell jack squat. He could look right at someone with no expression on either his face or his eyes. It was sometimes like staring into a void. As I looked at Jeff staring at us, that’s exactly what his  expression was; nothing. I turned back around to Star and she was looking uncomfortable. I put my hands on her shoulders and she looked back at me. She smiled but I could still tell from her eyes she was uncomfortable.  This was one of those times that I wasn’t thrilled about living with Jeff and Rosamund. Sometimes they had this ability to make both Star and I feel uncomfortable; Rosamund by her constant scrutiny of Star and then Jeff by his. . .lack of emotion. At least most of the time we knew where we stood with Rosamund. With Jeff, sure we knew we were friends and we all cared about each other, but ever since Rosamund had come into his life he had shut off a part of himself to me, and even Star.

“Hey, ignore them.  Who knows what their deal is. Maybe they’re just jealous and wish they were as happy as we are.” Although Jeff and Rosamund seemed to have a happy marriage, it had become obvious to Star and me soon after we had moved in with them that they had some serious issues. I often wondered how or why they stayed together. There was no baby to keep them together anymore, all they seemed to have in common was that they both wanted Jeff to succeed at his political career, which was a horrible reason to stay together. I knew Jeff well enough to know that one of the reasons they had to still be together was the fact that even in this day and age, a politician who had been divorced was looked badly upon. What would look even worse is getting married so young and then getting a divorce in a couple years. It could possibly place questions into voters’ minds about that candidate’s decision making ability and their judgment.  I often wondered if he felt stuck; if he chose to be happy, it could cause him his career but if he chose his career, he had to sacrifice his happiness. All because of a stupid mistake he made our senior year.

The quiet of the room was disrupted by Jeff’s cell phone ringing and once he answered it we could tell it was his sister Bridge. He had a big smile on his face the whole time he talked to her until \ near the end of the conversation when I saw something that I hadn’t seen in a long time; Jeff Hobble’s eyes gave his emotions away.

****Jeff****

I saw Star and Peter kiss and it was the same feeling I had every time I saw it. I never knew how to describe it. It wasn’t happy, sad, angry, none of the everyday feelings I had. It bothered me too that I couldn’t label what I was feeling. It was just this nagging feeling that wouldn’t go away. In those moments I was always glad that I was able to hide any emotion or feeling from my expressions.

I heard my phone ring and saw who it was when I looked at the caller ID. It was a voice I hadn’t heard in quite a while.

“Hey Sis! You been too busy to call and check on me?” It had been several weeks since she and I had talked and we usually talked at least once a week. 

“Oh don’t even try to make me feel bad! I have two nine month old boys! I have my hands full!” She scolded me but I could tell she was smiling while she said it. Talking to Bridge was one of the things that I looked forward to. I seemed to always feel better after talking to her.

“Well, isn’t that kind of your own doing? I guess you won’t be having anymore any time soon.” I joked with her but she didn’t immediately respond.

“Bridge? What’s up?” Bridge not talking was always not a good thing.

“Well. . .About the not having another kid any time soon. . .I’m pregnant again.” She said the last part really fast and I had to take a moment to make sure I heard her right.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” 

“When are you due?”

“March. . .” 

“You’re three months pregnant and you’re just now telling me?!”

“Well we wanted to wait to tell everyone so we could wrap our brains around it! We were both really shocked when we found out.”

“You do know how babies are made, right? I mean it’s not rocket science Bridge. At least you’ve already had a set of twins. I don’t think anyone on Mom’s side has ever had more than one set.”

“I know, right! Crap! Trevor just woke up from his nap. I promise I’ll call again soon, I wanted to call you real quick to let you know that you’re going to be an uncle again.” When she mentioned me being an uncle again I started thinking about the baby again. It never failed, every time someone we knew had a baby I thought back to losing our baby. I had gotten better at hiding it from Rosamund which had made things better between the two of us but sometimes the pain was still so great that I had to turn away from her or get away from her so she wouldn’t see. That was the case right now. I knew my emotions were getting the better of me right then so I turned away from her which meant I had to turn toward the direction that Star and Peter were. 

“Thanks Bridge. Congratulations! Tell everyone I said hi.” We hung up and for a brief moment I let my feelings overtake me. I remembered that Star and Peter were able to see me and I looked up. They were looking right at me and I instantly put the mask back on.

“Don’t tell me Bridgette is having another baby?!” Rosamund asked almost like she was annoyed.

I turned around and faced her. “Yeah, she’s three months pregnant.” I chuckled a little thinking of Bridge trying to juggle taking care of two one year olds and a newborn. She had to have flipped out when she found out she was pregnant again.

“Perhaps they should invest in a TV or something to occupy their time. . .” Peter jokingly stated.

I couldn’t help but laugh for a moment and then started thinking about how here Bridge and Carson had been married for a little over a year and they were already pregnant with their third child. Rosamund and I had been married over two years and even though she had gotten pregnant after we slept together one time, she hadn’t gotten pregnant again in the two years since.

I looked over at Rosamund and I could tell she was baffled by how I was acting. I quickly tried to change the conversation.

“I’m getting hungry, anyone else want something to eat.” That at least seemed to keep the peace for now; but I knew later I was going to hear all about it.

****Rosamund****

I patiently waited all though dinner and then through sitting downstairs and being sociable to talk to Jefferson about what had happened after he had talked to Bridgette. She wasn’t even living here anymore and she was still causing issues between Jefferson and I. At least I didn’t have to see her very often. Just the occasional family get together.

I went to our bedroom after I couldn’t take any more of the socializing. I was so glad that we had redecorated the downstairs bedroom. It was the largest bedroom in the house and once Bridgette and Carson had moved out, we had claimed it and let Star and Peter decide which rooms they wanted. Although it seemed that they had started to recently sleep in the same room.

I laid on the bed and waited for Jefferson to come to bed so I could talk to him about his behavior. I had a pretty good idea what was bothering him and it annoyed me that we were going to have this conversation again. I was getting tired of thinking of new excuses to get him to stop thinking about “losing the baby.” I would have thought that even if we had lost a baby he would have been over it by now. I mean, how long did people deal with something like that before they got over it? Two years in my opinion should be more than enough time.

I heard the doorknob turn and I got up off the bed to prepare myself for the fight I was sure we were about to have. He opened the door and immediately looked at the bed. When he didn’t see me there he started looking around. Our eyes met and that’s when I realized that this time was different. He had a different look in his eyes tonight then he had had in the past. “What is it? There’s something bothering you.” I had to know so I could know how to deal with the situation.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t nothing me, Jefferson. It’s obviously something. You’ve been acting strange since you talked to Bridgette.” Damn her! Always causing problems!

He sighed. “Just don’t worry about it.” He turned around and walked over to the dresser. He changed to get ready for bed and started to walk towards the bed. I jumped into his path to prevent him from getting in the bed. “Rosamund, I just want to go to bed.”

I shook my head. “Not until you tell me what is wrong.” I demanded.

“Damn it! Either let me get into the bed or I’m going to the couch.”

I had seen Jeff upset more times than I could count but he had never threatened to go sleep on the couch.

“Jefferson, please tell me what is wrong. I’m not upset, I just want to know what is going on.” I pleaded, trying my best to not sound as annoyed as I really was.

He looked down at the ground and sighed again. “I just don’t understand.” He stopped and I waited for him to continue; but he didn’t.

“Understand what? What don’t you understand, Jefferson?”

“Well, you got pregnant after we slept together only one time. It’s been over two years and you haven’t gotten pregnant again. Then there’s Bridge and Carson; they’ve been married a little over a year and they’re having their third. I would have thought that by now you would have been pregnant again.”

Was he serious? He wanted me to get pregnant? I didn’t want to be pregnant before so why would I want to now; never mind about school and his career. Surely he didn’t want to have a baby now.

“You want me to get pregnant?”

“Well, it has been a couple of years. We’re married and even though it was unexpected before, I had gotten really excited about having a baby. Between the two of us, we have enough money so that’s not an issue. . .”

“You can’t be serious, Jefferson.” I said flatly.

He looked at me like he was hurt. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He said in a raised voice. I normally would try to calm him down but this conversation was ridiculous.

“We are both barely twenty years old, you’re in college, you still have the beginning of your career to think about. This would be one of the worse times for us to have a child.” I tried reasoning with him but all it did was make him madder. 

“I’ve watched both of my siblings have children and the one thing that I’ve learned is that there is no  perfect time to have children. No matter how prepared you think you are, you aren’t.”

“I can’t believe were having this conversation. Here I thought you were going to come in here and complain about how upset you were over the miscarriage and instead were having a disagreement about having another child!”

He walked up to me and had a look in his eyes I had never seen before. I had never seen that degree of madness in his eyes. “I will NEVER get over it Rosamund! And the fact that you even think that anyone should get over it, has me seriously wondering about what kind of a person you are. How can you even think that something so tragic could be so easily forgotten about? It’s like you’re happy that it happened! Is that what it is?! Are you relieved?! Are you happy that we lost a child?!” 

I had been so shocked and confused about him talking about having a baby that I had slipped about what I had said about the miscarriage. “Of course I’m not happy!” I tried to convince him, but for once, he didn’t believe me.

“You’re lying.” He stated and narrowed his eyes.

I sighed. There was only one way out of this and I wasn’t going to like it. “Look, Jefferson, am I upset that we lost a baby? Yes. Was I somewhat relieved when it happened? Not at first but I have to admit that after some time I realized that we wouldn’t have been able to handle a baby. I’m sorry if it makes me a cold-hearted person but yes, I was relieved.” Now came the part I didn’t want to do. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not open to having children. I was just shocked by you talking about having another now.” I really didn’t want to have any children and I thought that Jefferson would have given up on the idea after the miscarriage I felt I had no other choice now. Maybe if I gave him a child he would stop obsessing about the one we “lost.”

He looked at me and I could tell he was trying to decide if he believed me. I knew I was on thin ice. He had never questioned me about being truthful and I had this feeling that if he ever really believed that I was deceitful it would be a downhill slide from there. I had to regain control of the situation. He kept looking at me with his expressionless face and eyes and I stood there praying that he would believe me. After several minutes of frightening silence he finally spoke.

“If you are open to having children then why haven’t we had another?” His bluntness caught me by surprise. I was all of a sudden aware that as much as I thought I knew about the man that was standing in front of me, that there was still a part of him that even he didn’t let me see and I was starting to see him now. I had mistakenly thought that Jefferson could easily have the wool pulled over his eyes but he was starting to connect dots that I didn’t like him connecting.

I was going to have to be honest about this and I was going to have to hope that he would forgive me.

****Jeff****

I stood there not believing that she had just admitted that she wanted me to just get over us losing a child. My world was rocked even more by the fact that she was relieved that it had happened. Who the hell had I married?!  I waited for her to answer my question about why we hadn’t had another child in the last two years.  She mumbled something that I couldn’t understand.

“What?!”

“I said that I’ve been taking birth control!” She screamed it at me. “I didn’t want to get pregnant so I’ve been taking birth control. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal because I didn’t think either of us wanted children right now. Apparently I was wrong.” She looked at me in an almost defiant way.

“You’re right, Rosamund. You were wrong, but not for the reason you think.” I walked over to the bed and grabbed my pillow.

“Where the hell are you going?!” She demanded to know.

“I’m going to the spare bedroom because I’m sure as hell not going to spend the night here. . .with you.” I turned around, walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door behind me. I started walking toward the stairs when movement in the kitchen caught my eye. . .Star was standing there looking like a deer caught in headlights.