Chapter Thirty Three: My Sunshine: Star

- Some possible NSFW pics at beginning.

- I'll have more to say at the end. Hope you enjoy this chapter that's been a long time coming. :)

****Jeff**** 

The sudden shock of feeling small, frozen toes seeking warmth from my legs jolted me out of my dream. We had been holding and caressing each other, whispering loving endearments to one another and on the verge of pleasuring each other, when reality had suddenly pulled me away. I smiled though as I continued to keep my eyes closed and she relentlessly jammed her toes and feet under and in between my calves. Even after two months of waking up to her cold feet seeking warmth from my legs, I still wondered how anyone could have feet the temperature of icebergs.

"How is it that your feet get so cold?" I murmured as I still kept my eyes closed. 

"I don't know; they've always been like that." She said and started wiggling her toes against my legs. I lazily opened my eyes and looked into her amber ones that were already staring at me. I had gazed into those eyes thousands of times, but none of them compared to being the first thing that mine saw every morning. She placed her hands on my chest and they felt just as cold as her feet and I knowingly smiled as pulled her closer; wrapping my arms around her to share my warmth. She tilted her head to smile at me and I took the opportunity to kiss her enticing lips. "Morning." I said and she sighed into my chest as she snuggled even closer. "How is it that you're so warm?" She breathlessly asked in blissful amazement. I felt a tightening from below and closed my eyes, wanting nothing more than to stay in bed with her, but we didn't have time for that, not if we were going to be on time.

"We need to get up soon."

"I don't have to go. . ." She hinted and I pulled back to argue with her.

"You've worked for this day for four years, both of our families are here, and even if we tried to stay in this room, someone would pound on the door and probably force us to go." I said matter-of-factly. "We're going." I stroked her cheek and kissed her irresistible lips.

After spending several blissful minutes kissing, I saw the worrisome cringe that I knew too well appear on her face. "Please tell me no one’s made a big deal about this. No big meal, or presents. . .?" 

She had always been like that, never wanted a big fuss made over her, and those of us that loved her tried to obey her wishes; but this day she would have to deal with some attention and fuss. "I can't promise that." I admitted and she started to argue but I continued before she could. "Star. . .Sweetheart," I gently swept a stray hair behind her ear. ". . .it's not every day that you graduate from college. You've worked hard, we all know it, and we want to celebrate with you. Just for today, let us fuss over you." She sighed a little and eventually nodded.

We stayed in bed a little longer before we heard Maggie in the monitor and after dressing; we walked through the connecting bathroom and into her nursery. When we returned from Spring Break, I moved my clothes into Star's room and we converted the other bedroom on the same floor into a nursery.  Every time I walked into it I smiled, remembering the attention and love that Star had put into making the room special.

Once we moved Maggie's furniture into the new nursery, we realized how little she had. With her sleeping in the same room as me, there hadn't been room for anything more than her crib and changing table. Once we moved the items and looked around the room, I realized how sad it looked and I mentioned to Star that I wanted to do something to the room but had no idea what.  For the next two days, she worked almost non-stop on a design. I thought she had a big project due for one of her classes but I should have known better when she hadn't let me see it. One night, as I finished my homework, she quietly sat down next to me and I noticed a piece of paper gently being pushed toward me. When I realized what she had designed, I couldn't breathe.

On the paper she had designed the most beautiful pink and cream nursery for Maggie. I studied the drawing for several minutes, sometimes running my fingers along items on it as I marveled at the detail; the pink flowing curtains, the cream rocking horse in the corner, the toys spread out across the floor. . .

"It's absolutely perfect." I barely whispered as I tried to hold back tears. I looked into her eyes and saw relief spread across her face.

"You really like it?"

I quickly stood up and had grabbed her hand, coaxing her to stand up, and looked down into her eyes. "I love it; and I love you." I said before gently kissing her. Two weeks later, Maggie had the most beautiful nursery, all because of Star.

"I'll grab a bib while you get Maggie." Star offered, causing me to cease my reminiscing. Before either of us could move, Maggie stood up in her crib and smiled at both of us, squealing with delight and babbling. I heard Star happily sigh and looked over to see her smiling. "She's just so cute. You're going to have to fight off a bunch of boys when she gets older. . ." She teased as she got a bib and I froze.

"Oh my gosh, Jeff! That's years down the road." She tried to reason with me but it still didn't make the sick feeling in my stomach go away.

"I'm going to lock her in her room until she's 20." I half joked as I picked Maggie up and kissed her good morning. "Morning Maggie Pie! Are we hungry?" I asked and she once again smiled at me but then turned to see Star and held her arms out. Star chuckled and we traded, I took the bib while she took Maggie and as I looked at Star saying good morning and holding Maggie, a huge smile spread across my face as I enjoyed what I hoped was a glimpse into our future.  

I tucked the future daydream away as we walked out of the nursery door and the smell of coffee and food hit my nose. I chuckled and shook my head, thinking to myself that I should have known better since Mom and Dad were staying there.

"Finally! They're up! I thought we were going to have to send someone up to get you." Mom joked as we entered the kitchen.

"I know if you're going by 'ranch time' this seems late, but it's still pretty early." I tried to reason with her as Star placed Maggie in her high chair.

"Seven thirty is late." Mom said before turning back around to flip some pancakes.

I chuckled and looked into the living area where Dad, Mr. John, and Ms. Honey were sitting. The whole family had come into town for the special day. Mom, Dad, Ms. Honey and Mr. John were staying at the house while Charlie and Bridge’s families, along with Scarlet were staying at a rental house.  While most of the family had originally planned to come for Star’s graduation, I had to specifically ask Bridge and Carson to come; and once I had explained why, they had eagerly agreed to come.

We all ate breakfast and then everyone started getting ready. I did so faster than normal hoping to catch Mom and Dad before we had to leave for the ceremony and hurried downstairs to see the two of them sitting in the living area playing with Maggie.

"Can I talk to both of you?" I nervously asked. I hadn't looked forward to this conversation but knew I needed to have it with them.

"Sure." Mom said and waited for me to continue.

"I meant somewhere private." They both looked at each other and then slowly turned back to face me.

"Okay, where do you want to talk?" Dad inquired and I mentioned the upstairs den. Ms. Honey offered to watch Maggie and after silently following me upstairs, we entered the room and I closed the door. I stared at it for a moment as I tried to muster up the courage for the conversation I was about to start when Mom’s voice cut through the silence.  

"What is it, Jeff?" She sounded concerned and I couldn't blame her; I rarely asked to talk to them in private and it usually meant that something bad had happened.

I slowly turned around and noticed that they were still standing. "Why don't you sit down?" I motioned toward the sofa and they both shook their heads.

"I'm fine standing." Dad said.

"I am too." Mom agreed.

"Okay. . ." I swallowed hard and looked out the windows for a moment before starting. "I first want to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I put the family through what I did. I know I can't change the past, but I still feel like I should apologize. I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you when you tried to warn me. I'm sorry that I made you worry so much; I can only imagine how much you did. The thought of Maggie doing what I did. . .I don't know what I would do. And I'm sorry that I shut you out; that I shut everyone out."  I admitted and took another big breath before looking them in the eyes. "I also want to thank you. Thank you for never saying 'We told you so.' Thank you for being there for me when I felt so low that I wasn't sure how I was ever going to get back up. And thank you for also giving me the space that I needed, for always giving me the space that I need."

Complete silence filled the room for many moments, and I guessed from the shocked looks on their faces that they needed a moment to process what I had just said. It surprised me when Dad was the one who spoke first. "Jeff, I think your mom and I would agree that while we appreciate you apologizing, it isn't necessary." He looked at Mom and she nodded. "It's not like you did anything to be spiteful. . ." He sighed as he looked down at the floor and furrowed his brow before looking back up. "There's going to come a time when Maggie gets older, that you're going to have to let her go. It seems like a long ways off, but believe me, you're going to blink your eyes and that little angel that's not quite walking yet is going to be a beautiful, young woman. She's going to go out into the world and you're going to have to let go. That's what we've had to do with you kids."

"Except for Scarlett, all of you are grown and you have your own lives and families. We still worry about you and we will until the day comes that we're no longer on this Earth. You're all going to make decisions that your mom and I don't agree with, and even though sometimes it's incredibly hard to watch, we have to sit back and let each of you make up your own minds about what to do. As far as what you would do if Maggie did something that you might not agree with when she's grown, I can't say for sure, but I would think that as good of a dad as you are now, you'd do the same thing that we try to do; patiently, lovingly wait, and be there for her when she needs you."

Mom touched his arm and continued. "You also, don't need to thank us, Jeff. We're you parents and it's our job, even though you're almost twenty two, to be there for you if you need us.  It's touching that you want to thank us, and it is nice to hear, but it's not needed." She paused before continuing. "Each one of you is different and need different things from us. Bridge always needs to talk things through, Charlie needs to think and then wants to talk, and Scarlett explodes and then wants to talk. You’ve always needed space, and though I sometimes think we've given you too much, we've tried to give you what you needed. I'm not going to say it's easy to do; sometimes I want to shake you and make you tell me what's going on in that head of yours. . ." I chuckled a little. ". . .but we try to give you the space you need."

I nodded and looked down at the floor again, not looking up until I heard the sound of movement and saw both of them move towards me. Before I could say anything, they hugged me and I couldn't remember the last time it had happened, mostly because I had shut them out for so long. "I love you, both." I said as I hugged them back.

"We love you too, Jeff." Dad said and Mom squeezed me even more. As much as I enjoyed the moment, we needed to leave so we wouldn't be late. We moved away from each other and I started to walk away but Mom grabbed my arm to stop me.

"I know we need to get going, but. . ." She grabbed my hand and held it in hers. "We hoped we would have a chance to tell you sometime today how happy we are for you. We haven't seen you this happy. . .in years” A sad smile spread across her mouth as she paused and I nodded. Her smile changed to a happier one as she continued. “We all know why you’re happier, and who's responsible, and we'll be forever grateful that you found your smile again." As if to prove a point, a smile spread across my lips as I thought about Star.

“Does she know?” Dad’s question pulled me from my daydreaming of her.

I shook my head. “I don’t think so. Her graduation’s provided the perfect cover; but, she’ll start to figure it out soon.” I again smiled as I thought about how smart she was and that she knew me too well to not notice that things weren’t all that they appeared to be.

“You’re not nervous, or afraid she’ll say no, are you?” Mom wondered and I shook my head. Ever since our trip to Appaloosa when we talked about what each of us wanted, I had no doubt about our future together. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and I didn’t need to wait months or years to figure it out. If there was one thing I had learned in the last several years it was that if you didn’t seize opportunities that were presented to you, you could lose the very thing that you love.

“I’m more afraid of losing her.” I had stopped myself from crying until that moment but after my admission, I couldn't keep tears from escaping from my eyes. Mom continued to hold my hand as Dad placed his on my back and we stood there silently crying together until the clock struck and alerted us to the time. We collected ourselves before hugging one last time and made our way downstairs to continue what was sure to be a memorable day.

We must have been a sight to see; nine adults, two children, six toddlers, and an almost one year old; and we probably could have won an award for the largest family gathering at the graduation ceremony. We somehow managed to keep all of the kids entertained as people gave speeches and announced names. Several times, Star looked over at us and waved causing the whole group of us to wave back and she chuckled.

Eventually the graduates of the College of Architecture and Design made their way toward the stage and we became more and more excited as Star walked closer to it. As she handed over the piece of paper with her name, the whole group of us quieted down so we could hear. I will never forget how I felt when her name was announced as she walked across the stage, and accepted the rolled piece of paper.

"Star Avery Randall: Bachelor of Arts Degree - Interior Design emphasis." We all cheered and clapped and I couldn't have been prouder of her. Not only had she graduated, but she had done so with honors, something that would have been impossible for most people who had faced what she had the last four years. She absolutely amazed me; her strength, determination, and focus. . .she was incredible.

My heart skipped a beat when as she walked down the stairs to return to her seat, she looked over at me and smiled. We tried our best to patiently wait for the rest of the graduates to walk across the stage, and eventually they all rose, moved their tassels from right to left, and threw their caps into the air.

Most everyone trekked outside while Star's parents, Kate and I waited for her in one of the hallways and she eventually found us. She accepted hugs and praise from her parents and Kate, and then turned to me. As I held her in my arms, "I love you so much and I'm so proud of you." I said as I leaned my head against hers.  She squeezed me even harder before she grabbed my hand and we walked outside to where the rest of the family had gathered for more congratulations and pictures. 

We couldn't have asked for better weather; it was a clear, mild day and the sun was shining brightly everywhere. But even the light that the sun shined couldn't compare to the light that radiated from Star and when she and I weren't taking pictures together, I stared at her and marveled at the woman she had become.

I had no memory of not ever knowing Star. She had always been a part of our family and I often wondered if Mom and Ms. Honey had planned their pregnancies so that Kate, Bridge, and Charlie and then Star and I would be born close together. Whenever any of us asked the both of them, they smirked and shrugged, and never really answered. I dared not ask them about having dreams or ideas about Charlie and Kate or Star and me being together, but it would have shocked me to find out that they hadn't. Whatever the case, because our moms were best friends, lived next door to each other, and she and I had been born within twenty one days of each other, not a day had gone by that I hadn't at least thought about Star.

She had always been my best friend, always been there for me and I had tried to do the same; although I would have admitted that she had been a better friend to me than I to her. She always put others first, never wanted to be recognized for what she had done or accomplished, was happy to fade into the background and let others shine. . .but she never realized that she was the one that shined the brightest.

I had never really thought much about Star's name, whether or not it suited her, but I had sometimes wondered why Ms. Honey and Mr. John had named her that, since it wasn't a very common name. Sometime as kids, I asked her about it and she  said. "They've always said it seemed to be the right name for me; which is silly since I'm not a star and I don't want to be famous." She shrugged and we went back to playing hopscotch. It hadn't been until this last year that I had realized that her name was perfect for her. She was a star, not the famous kind, but an actual star that shined bright for everyone to see. And just like the sun and every other star, she provided light in the darkest places, a beacon to follow when someone was lost, and a hope in the moments of complete and utter despair.

Only now, after making it through the storm that I had believed I would continue in forever, did I see that she had been all of those things for me. People say hindsight is 20/20 and for me no truer words could be spoken. I tried not to dwell on the past four, almost five years; tried not to visit those dark and painful memories much since I usually felt guilty when I did. But one thing that I never wanted to forget was that through it all, through all the despair and darkness, when I believed I would never find my way toward the light; she had been there shining her light for me to see. I couldn’t' see it then, but I did now; she had been my star, my light. . . my sunshine.

As we finished taking pictures she looked at me and tried to figure out what the rest of us had planned for the celebration. "Are we going back to the house?" She hinted.

I smiled down at her. "Yes; you didn't even notice that Mom and Bridge had left, did you?" She quickly glanced as if she didn't believe me. "Speaking of which, we should head back so we can help them." Ms. Honey said and we all piled into the several cars it took to transport our large group back to the house.

"There's everyone!" Mom exclaimed as we walked through the door and people started to rush around. Everyone had volunteered to help with some aspect of our celebration. Mom, Kate, and Ms. Honey had offered to prepare the food and Bridge, Dad, Mr. John and I had decided to handle the decorations, leaving Charlie and Carson to help keep the kids entertained.

"What should I do?" Star wondered.

I held her hand and led her to the couch. "Sit and relax. We've got it all covered." I could tell that she was getting ready to disagree and I kissed her to stop her. "Let us fuss, just for today." I repeated what I had said earlier that morning and she reluctantly sat down.

With so many people helping, it didn't take more than an hour to set everything up. We had hoped that the weather would be nice enough for us to go out to the rooftop, and although it meant climbing more stairs while carrying stuff, the extra effort paid off since it was so beautiful out. I had always thought it was a shame that we didn't take more advantage of the rooftop. It seemed to be forgotten most of the time even though there was a nice view and it could be pretty romantic, and as I noticed her walk through the door, I made a mental note to bring Star up there more, especially at night to look at the sky. She took several steps away from the door and I watched as she looked around the rooftop and at our efforts.

We had kept one end of the rooftop as a seating area and added more chairs, where the bar sat in the middle of the rooftop we added a table for food, and at the other end of the rooftop we placed all the table and chairs that had previously been scattered around. We had even designated a "kid area" that had a small pool and some toys. Star took it all in and then glanced at everyone. "You went to too much trouble." She whispered.  "Thank you."

"I don't know about everyone else, but I'm hungry." Charlie announced and with that, we all grabbed plates and started eating.  As I sat next to Star, I noticed her stop eating several times as she looked around at everyone, smiling. One of the times she caught me watching her and leaned closer.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"Why aren't you?" I deflected.

She chuckled. "I'm enjoying the fact that everyone's here. It's not so hard having a family get-together in Appaloosa, but here. . .I'm kind of surprised everyone came."

I nodded. "They all wanted to be here today; to see you graduate."

"Hopefully everyone will make the trip in a couple months for yours." She hinted.

I didn't have high hopes for that only since I knew how hard it had been for everyone to be there. "That's a long trip for so many people to repeat in such a short time."

"Well if they'll make it for me, surely they'll make it for you." I nodded but didn't say anything, praying for a change in subject. "So why aren't you?"

"Why aren't I what?"

"Eating. . ." She coaxed and I breathed a sigh of relief that the subject had changed.

I placed my hand on hers. "I'm watching you, making sure you're having a nice graduation celebration." I didn't like that I wasn't being completely honest with her, but even though I knew she could read me well enough to know that, I hoped that by the end of the day she'd understand why. 

Once everyone had finished eating, Ms. Honey suggested that Star open her presents which we had placed near the seating area. We all gathered around, and as she opened each one, she appreciated it and thanked each person in the gracious way that only Star could. Her parents gave her a special tablet that designers used; which made designing easier on the go. Star had used one several times for school assignments but it had been one of the university's and she had mentioned how she would need one of her own once she graduated. Next she opened the gift from Mom, Dad, and Scarlett; it was a leather portfolio bag, something that she also needed since she had been using the same one for four years and it showed. Kate and Charlie gave her a new set of special colored pencils and a sketch pad for when she wanted to sketch on paper instead of the tablet, and Bridge and Carson gave her a leather covered notebook that matched the portfolio bag that Mom, Dad, and Scarlett gave her.

When she had opened the last gift, I stepped forward and held out my hand to her. She questioned me with her eyes as I encouraged her to stand and once she did, I grabbed hold of her other hand.

"I do have a gift for you, but it's not here. . ." I admitted and she smiled as she raised an eyebrow.

"And it's not something that can come here, we have to go to it. But. . ." I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. She continued to look confused and I noticed that she started to glance behind me at our families. As I squeezed her hands, she slowly looked back into my eyes and all at once, the nervousness disappeared.

"I told you a half-truth earlier when we were eating, well, several." I admitted and she smiled with satisfaction, knowing that she had been right in thinking so. "Everyone did come here to see you graduate, but I specifically asked everyone to come here for another reason." She again looked confused and I smiled as I reached up to touch her cheek. 

"For my whole life, you've been my best friend. You've been the only person who knows me well enough to know every single time when I'm not telling the truth." She smiled. "Who knows how to make me happy when I'm sad, believes in me when I don't believe in myself, and helps me stand back up when I've fallen. You've been my best friend through some amazing times and some incredibly dark times, times when I didn't deserve your friendship or love. You’ve stuck by me through everything and if it hadn't been for you. . ." I paused for a moment as I felt the tears start to fall down my cheeks. She sadly smiled at me and squeezed my hand.  "For a long time I didn't know how I would ever find happiness again. It felt like darkness had surrounded me and I had little hope of ever finding my way out. Then one day, the darkness started to lift and a light started to shine so bright, that I found hope. You are the light that led me out of the darkness and gave me hope. You are my light, my happiness, my soul mate, my life; and in order for me to live, I need your light and your love just as much as I need air to breathe." I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small box. By that point, she was crying too and as I got down on one knee and opened up the box, she smiled down at me.

"I don't deserve you and I don't deserve your love, but I would love nothing more than to not only be your best friend, but also your husband. Star, will you marry me?"

A huge smile spread across her face as she nodded "Yes." she managed to whisper as even more tears spilled down her cheeks. I carefully took the ring out of the box and placed it on her finger and only then noticed the cheers and sniffling behind me. 

I quickly stood up and held her face in my hands. "I love you." I whispered before lowering my lips onto hers and once again felt a tingling sensation run through my body as I had every time we kissed.

"I love you too." She said as we stopped and I began to wipe away her tears. She smiled up at me and then looked towards our family. What I saw when I turned around made my heart swell. Some may have been crying, but all of them looked overjoyed. "Every single one of you knew, didn't you? And you hid it from me?" She teasingly scolded them.

They all smiled then and came over to congratulate us. As we stood there watching our mothers cry and smile, I noticed Charlie motion to his watch and I nodded. Once everyone had calmed down, I looked again at Star. "We need to get going." I said to her and everyone else.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I told you that you're graduation present couldn't come here; that we have to go to it. . ."

"Right now?" I smiled and nodded. "But what about Maggie?"

"We're taking her home with us." Mom spoke up and Star looked at me still confused.

"My clothes?"

"Packed." I stated.

She shook her head and chuckled. "I. . .guess I don't have an excuse then." She admitted and we quickly said our goodbyes.

"So, are you going to tell me where you're taking me?" She asked as I pulled away from the house.

"Nope. You're just going to have to wait to find out until we get there. . ." I smiled as I grabbed her hand and glanced down for a second at the ring on her finger and wondered if it was possible to be any happier.

She squeezed my hand back. “Well, it doesn’t matter. . .as long as it’s somewhere with you.” My heart skipped a beat and even though I didn’t think it was possible, felt even fuller than it had moments before. 

******

From the description on the About page from A Ray of Sunshine:
- You may be wondering, "What does A Ray of Sunshine mean?" Well, that's something that Jeff will be learning as he goes through the journey of life. It can mean many things and be different things; and while Jeff's rays of sunshine can change, he will always have one constant source of sunshine...

 Click here to see more pictures of the nursery Star designed for Maggie.