Chapter Twenty One: How to Solve a Problem Like Star - Part Two

“Star, would you be a dear and help me zip the back of my dress?” I requested of her .

“Umm. . .sure. Be there in a sec.”

I closed the bedroom door and smiled at myself. In the last several months I had been mostly able to keep Peter, Star, and Jefferson away from each other. It hadn’t been very hard. Whenever I saw Star and Jefferson together, I would make a comment to Peter how nice it was that Jefferson and her were such good friends. That was enough to get the jealousy that was burning under the surface to show. Then there were the times that it seemed that Star and Peter were getting along better and that’s when I would try to corner Star.  This was one of those instances.  Star and Peter were watching tv in the living area and had been having a civil conversation. I immediately got up and went to the bedroom to change clothes knowing that I’d need help with my zipper gave me the perfect excuse to get Star away from Peter; and to frazzle her.

I heard the door open and turned around. “Thank you so much! I wanted to change clothes before Jefferson got home and it’s just too hard for me to reach the zipper now.”

I watched as Star smiled politely and walked over to help me. I turned around and she finished sipping my dress up.

“Thank you.” I said after she was done.

“Sure.” 

“I just like looking nice when Jefferson gets home and a couple nights ago, while we were lying in bed, he told me this was one of his favorites. ‘Never hurts to look good for your husband.’ That’s what my momma always told me.”

Star immediately started to act uncomfortable. “Plus, I think this dress shows off my growing belly. I think you’d agree with me that Jefferson is going to make a wonderful daddy.” That was just enough to make her face grow red. She nodded and then scurried out of the room. In her hurry to leave, she ran into Jefferson and it only caused her to look even more uncomfortable. It took all of my self-control to not laugh. She apologized to him and then ran up the stairs to her room. It was almost sad how easy it was to rattle her.

“What was that about? And why was she in here?”

“I needed help zipping this dress up and she was nice enough to help. I don’t know what her deal is though. She’s been acting like that since she and Peter broke up. I’m starting to wonder if either of them will live here next school year since they both seem miserable living here together.”

Jefferson looked concerned. “I had never thought about that. I figured that by the end of this school year they’d be talking to each other again. We need to do something to keep them here.”

“Why?” He looked annoyed at me. “Jefferson, they broke up and it was obviously something big that caused it or they’d be over it by now. They’ve made it clear that they don’t want you involved in it. Maybe they need to get away from each other.”

“Maybe only one of them will.” Jefferson countered.

“Really? How’s that going to look to the other one? Let’s say Star stayed here and Peter moved out; how do you think Peter would feel? I’m guessing left out and the same would be true of Star if Peter stayed here and she left.”

“But where would they go?” There was a touch of desperation in his voice.

“I don’t know; but I do now that you might want to prepare yourself for the possibility of them moving out. I can’t imagine how awkward it is to have to live with your ex. I actually feel kind of bad for them.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and walked to the other side of the bedroom. I was sure he was trying to think of ways to keep them from leaving. “Maybe if I talk to them. . .”

“They said they didn’t want you involved, remember?”

“I have to do something, Rosamund!” He sounded so desperate and I was starting to think how pathetic it was that he felt he needed the two of them.  During the last several months I had convinced myself that if I could just get the two of them to move out, it would crush Jefferson enough that he’d start to lean on me. Then it would be just him, me, and the baby and everything would then be perfect. 

“Well, I think you should stay out of it; but, if you really want to do something then maybe you should talk to them together. You might then be able to convince them to talk to each other.” I knew that was probably the worst thing he could do. There would be so much tension in the room that it might push them over the edge. . .it was perfect.

“Hmmm. . .I don’t know. . .They don’t seem to want to talk to each other so maybe talking to them separate would be better. . .”

“But don’t you want them to get to a point where they talk to each other? If you’re there to help them talk then maybe they can get through the awkwardness.”

“Rosamund, I hate to say this but I’ve known them a lot longer than you and I think talking to them together would be a horrible idea.”

I shrugged like I didn’t care. “Do what you want, then.”

“I will.” He said and walked out the door. I was slightly disappointed that I couldn’t persuade him to talk to them together. It would have been the final nail in the coffin. But I was still pretty confident that there wasn’t much he could do to get Star and Peter to be comfortable around each other. They we’re well beyond that point. . .

****Jeff****

I walked into the kitchen and thought about the conversation that Rosamund and I just had. Most of the time I was able to figure out what angle she was working. She didn’t think I had a clue, but in the almost three years that we had been married I had learned to read her better than she gave me credit for.  I had to admit that this was one of the times that I wasn’t sure what she trying to do. Part of the time she acted like she didn’t want me to try to convince Star and Peter to talk to each other, and then she was giving me advice about how to do it. She made no sense, which wasn’t anything new. She was a constant contradiction, always flip-flopping her opinion depending on who she was talking to or what she wanted.

I grabbed myself a juice box out of the fridge and sat down to drink it. Maybe it was a bad idea to talk to Star and Peter. In the last several months they had both acted like they were not only uncomfortable around each other but they also acted that way around me. It perplexed me why they acted that way towards me. It made perfect sense that they would act that way towards each other, although I had hoped by now that they would have at least started talking to each other. I just didn’t understand why they were treating me the way they were. I had started to wonder if I had unintentionally done something that caused them to be upset with me. I had spent quite a bit of time trying to figure out what it could have been but nothing made sense. It had all started soon after Peter and I had that conversation in the attic, but nothing about that conversation stood out to me. 

I sighed as I threw the juice box away and looked up the stairs toward Star’s bedroom door. I was pretty sure she was probably hiding out in her room like she usually did. Rosamund was right about one thing, they both seemed miserable living here together. They constantly tried to avoid each other and whenever they were together, you could cut the tension with a knife.  

The only time both of them seemed to be able to stand being around the other was when I was talking about baby stuff. It was actually the only subject that everyone was happy talking about. We were two months away from the baby being born and although I was getting excited, I was also stressed. We had yet to decide her name. It was one of several things that Rosamund and I continually argued about so I avoided it at all costs. Then there was the nursery. I had suggested converting one of the upstairs bedrooms into a nursery but Rosamund was completely against that idea. She thought that it wouldn’t be right for us to be separated from the baby and she also wasn’t happy about the nursery being next to Star’s room. She argued that it wouldn’t be fair for Star to have to listen to a crying baby all the time. The compromise for that seemed to be that after the baby was born, we’d have her sleep in a crib in our room. But that was only going to happen after we returned from Appaloosa. 

Rosamund had decided that she wanted to go home after the semester was over so that we could stay with her parents and that way her mom could help out after the baby was born. I was more than happy for the baby to be born where we were and  to completely avoid staying with the in-laws for two months, but Rosamund had dug her heals in. We were in the process of packing since finals were ending at the end of the week and we would be driving to Appaloosa after that. 

That made me think about Star and Peter again. I had no idea what they were planning on doing during the summer. For all I knew, they were staying at the campus house. I looked back up at Star’s door and decided that that would be a good way to start a conversation; trying to find out what she was planning to do for the summer. I walked up the stairs and stood outside her door. The last time I had been in her room was the day that she and Peter had broken up and she had cried. She had told me then that there was no hope for her and Peter being friends and I hadn’t believed her.  It was becoming clear though that she had probably been right, but I still didn’t want to give up hope. I raised my hand and knocked on her door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, Jeff.”

I heard the squeaking noise of her getting out of her desk chair and soon she opened the door. I couldn’t help but smile as she did, her hair was piled on top of her head and she was actually wearing her glasses, something that she didn’t do very often.

“Must be serious if you’re wearing your glasses.” I teased her.

“Well, it is finals you know.” She actually smiled back.

“Can I come in for a minute?”

She looked uneasy but let me in anyway. I walked in to the room a little and I noticed that she left the door open. “Don’t you want to close the door?” She looked over at the door and then back at me; her eyes grew wide. 

“No! I mean I don’t see why I need to. Unless we’re discussing something top secret.” She tried to joke but failed miserably.

“I guess that would depend on what you think is top secret. The way everyone’s acting lately, it seems like most things are, or at least no one wants to talk about most things these days.”

She sighed and nodded. “So this isn’t a ‘Hey, how are finals going?’ discussion, is it?”

“Nope.” 

She looked down at the floor and crossed her arms. This change in her behavior baffled me. Star had never been the type of person to act insecure or even embarrassed and yet, that was how she had been acting since she and Peter had broken up. It was like she had lost the spunk that made her who she was.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” She wondered and finally looked up at me.

“I was wondering. . .what were you planning on doing this summer?”

****Star****

My mind started racing as I tried to figure out why he was asking me that. “What do you mean?”

“You know, are you going to stay here or were you planning on going home to Appaloosa?” 

I was relieved to find out that was why he was asking. “I figured I’d go home like I always did. I told Mom that I’d come home for at least a month. I haven’t seen her, Kate or Charles, Anne or Amelia in forever so I thought it would be nice to go home and see them.”

He nodded. “I know what you mean. I sometimes forget that the three kids are your nephew and nieces too. I’m hoping I’ll get to see them all but I’m sure my time will be very limited.”

“I’m sure! With the baby being born and getting everything ready. . .”

“That and the fact that we’re staying with Rosamund’s parents and they tend to monopolize our time. Plus, I’m sure Rosamund would rather spend time with her family and not mine. Ever since we’ve gotten married she doesn’t seem too thrilled to be around them; and I know she’s not particularly fond of Bridge.”

I was sure the feeling was mutual when it came to Bridge. It somewhat angered me that Rosamund didn’t like the Hobbles. How could anyone not like them? They were a friendly, loving family. 

“So, how long were you planning on being gone?” 

“I had planned on being there until the baby was born and then returning back to campus.” I replied

“You mean here, right? To the house.” Now I understood what he was up to. He wanted to know what my plans were for the next school year. I had been trying to avoid this conversation because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fully explain my decision and I knew that he would be upset.

“Jeff. . .I think it would be better if I found somewhere else to live.” I cringed as I said it and waited for his reaction. He pursed his lips and nodded. 

“Can I change your mind? Will anything change your mind? Maybe if you and Peter tried. . .”

“I can’t, Jeff. I just can’t.”

“Why? God, Star! I’m trying to understand but neither of you will explain anything to me. It’s like you two broke up and you’re both punishing me for it!”

He was right but there was no way I was going to tell him why and I hoped to God that Peter didn’t tell him. It was one reason why I felt that I needed to leave. It wasn’t fair to Jeff to keep putting him through this. I had thought when Peter and I first broke up and I realized that Peter had been right, that I was in love with Jeff, that eventually I would be able to get over it or at least push it so far down that I would be able to fool myself; like I had before. But that wasn’t working this time. I couldn’t deny my feelings anymore and every time I saw him, Peter, even Rosamund it was just a painful reminder of those feelings. But there was no way I was going to tell him any of that. I needed to do the right thing and leave. Even though I hated the thought of leaving him at the mercy of Rosamund, the guilt that ate away in me was much more heartbreaking.

“Star, talk to me.” He pleaded.

I looked at him and wished I hadn’t. He was looking back at me with his piercing blue eyes and I knew that if I kept looking into his eyes he might be able to convince me to stay; and that would be a huge mistake. I turned around and closed my eyes. Why did I have to feel this way? Why couldn’t I just go back to being in denial, go back to when Peter and I were dating? As soon as I thought it I knew it was wrong. I felt horrible for what had happened between him and me. I really thought I liked Peter, I knew that I wasn’t in love with him but I figured that maybe, eventually it would turn into it. He deserved better, not a relationship that was based on fake feelings. 

“Star. . .” I felt a hand on my shoulder and I immediately jumped. I turned around and he looked completely confused. He shook his head. “What in the world is going on with you? You act like you can barely stand to be around me?”

“Jeff. . .God! This is why I can’t stay here anymore!”

“Because you can’t stand me?!”

“No. . .I’m continually on edge. I’m stressed out being here, and that’s the last thing I need my last year. I need to really get serious. There’s a summer internship program that I want to get into next year after graduation and I need to keep my grades up.”

“You’ve always made good grades.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about, Jeff. If I keep living here, the tension and the stress are eventually going to get to me. They already are.”

“So, you’re really going to move out.” He said with a defeated tone.

“I don’t think I have any other choice.”

“Why do I feel like once you leave that I’ll hardly ever see you again? Like we’ll have a strained friendship like we did before?”

I wanted to tell him that we’d still be close; that our friendship could survive this, but I knew I’d be kidding myself. It was just too painful right now to think about trying to be friends while I had these feelings for him.  I once again lied to him.

“Jeff, we’ve been friends for how long? I just need some time away from everything, okay?”

He nodded but I could tell he didn’t believe me. He walked towards me and hugged me. “I just wish there was some way I could convince you to stay. I’m going to miss having you here.” I could feel the tears starting to fill my eyes and I fought with everything I had in me to not cry. Instead, I closed my eyes and hugged him back. It felt like seconds became minutes as we stood there hugging each other. I was disappointed when I felt him start to pull away. “Do you have any idea where you’ll go?”

I shook my head. “I figured I’d start looking after I get back. I haven’t had time to look with finals and everything.”

He nodded. “I guess I’ll let you get back to studying. I need to do that myself in a little bit. If you change your mind, you’re more than welcome to stay here.” He said as he paused in the doorway.

“That’s nice to know, thanks.” He smiled sadly and closed the door. I stood there staring at the door for a moment trying not to let the sadness of what had just happened hit me. He had been right, it was like we had just said goodbye to each other, but I didn’t know what else to do. I could stay and feel guilty about the feelings that I was trying to hide from him, Peter, and Rosamund; or I could do what I thought was the right thing and leave. I turned and walked towards my bed and sat down, curling into a ball and crying; feeling like someone was ripping my heart out.

****Peter****

I was laying on my bed rereading an accounting chapter for the next day’s final when I heard a knock at my door. It was too heavy of a knock to be Star so I figured it was Jeff since Rosamund would never knock on my door.

“Come in.” I watched the door open and saw Jeff. “Figured it was you.” I said as I got up.

“X-ray vision?” He joked.

“I wish.” I admitted. As I looked at him I noticed that he looked down. I immediately thought of the baby. “Everything okay with the baby?”

“Hmmm. . .Yeah. Everything’s fine with the baby.”

“Why the gloomy look then.”

He paused and looked like he was contemplating what to say. “Well, I tried to go the indirect way with Star and it didn’t do any good. So I guess I’ll just come right out and ask what I came up here to ask.”

I immediately felt my palms start to sweat.  Oh shit! He’s figured it out! He’s figured out why Star and I broke up!

“So, are you going home to Appaloosa after finals?” I was shocked. Was that what he’s wondering about?

“Umm. . .yeah. I did plan on going back. I was going to stay there until mid-July.”

“Are you going to come back here or are you wanting to move out, like Star.” I was once again shocked. I had no idea that Star was moving out, although I didn’t know why I was so surprised that I didn’t know, it wasn’t like we had talked much in the last several months.

“Wow. . .she’s really moving out?”

“Yeah.” He nodded and bit his bottom lip which was an odd thing for him to do. 

“Well. . .”

“I think I already know the answer so you don’t have to beat around the bush, Peter.”

“I’m not going to lie, I have thought about moving out. Probably some of the same reasons that Star gave you but in all honesty, Jeff, you and Rosamund are getting ready to have a baby. Which is great for you but I thought it was going to be the two of you, the baby, and then Star and I would be left to the awkward silence that we’ve had for months now. And I think even you’ll admit, it’s not getting any better. Now, even with Star moving out, it’s even more awkward for me. I’d be living here with a family and I’d feel like I was imposing.”

He nodded again and looked at the ground. “I just would like to know what I did.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ever since you and Star broke up I’ve been pretty much getting the silent treatment from both of you. I can somewhat get that you two refuse to talk to each other, but I don’t get why both of you act uncomfortable around me.”

I was guessing that since he was asking me, that Star hadn’t mentioned anything to him. I felt bad enough about how things ended with her and me that I wasn’t about to talk to Jeff about it if she hadn’t. I had tried to move past the hurt I felt knowing that Star was still in love with him but every time I thought that I might be, I would notice Jeff and Star together and it was like someone was stabbing me in the heart.  I was more convinced now by the way Star was acting around me and Jeff that my assumption about her being in love with him was right. There just wasn’t any other reason why she was acting the way she was, which would also explain why she was moving out.

“Jeff, I promised myself that if Star didn’t tell you what happened between her and me,that I wouldn’t either. I know it seems like we’re taking it out on you, and I’m sorry. But I really think that if we can both get away from each other for a little while, things will get better.” I completely lied to him. I didn’t think there was a chance in hell that Star and I would ever be friendly again, especially if we both moved out of the house. We wouldn’t really see each other. 

“Are you going to look for a place after you get back from Appaloosa?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Promise me one thing.” He said as he looked up from the floor.

“Anything.”

“We’ll still have game nights every month.” 

I smiled. “There’s no way we can ever stop having those.”

He nodded and somewhat smiled. “I’ll let you get back to studying.”

“Yeah. . .You’ve got one more final tomorrow, don’t you?”

“Yep. I gotta go study a little myself. I’ll talk to you later.”

“See you later.” I said to him as he closed the door. I sat down on the edge of my bed and thought about all that Jeff had told me. I wanted so badly to talk to Star about everything but I knew she wouldn’t listen. I had tried a couple times since Christmas Eve to talk to her about things and she would hurry away before I could get three words out. She would only stay around me if Jeff or Rosamund was around. We were all at a standstill and it didn’t seem like anything was going to change in the next couple of months. 

****Rosamund****

I saw Jefferson walk down the stairs and he looked defeated. I tried really hard to hide the smile that was trying to form. He walked into the kitchen and stood for several moments staring at the ground.

“I take it by the look on your face that at least one of them is moving out?”

“They both are. They’re going to Appaloosa after finals and then sometime after mid-July, they’ll both come back and look for places to live. I tried to convince both of them, well, I tried with Star first but by the time I got to Peter I knew his answer before I even asked it. I figured there was no talking him out of it either. Maybe if I had taken your advice. . .talked to them together.”

“I don’t think that would have mattered, Jefferson. From what you just said they both seemed to have made up their minds.” He nodded in agreement.

“Do we look for other roommates?” He inquired.

“I don’t know, how many college students want to live with a married couple who have a newborn baby?”

“Yeah, I guess that isn’t an ideal living situation for most college students.”

I walked over and hugged him. “I’m really sorry, Jefferson. I know you’ve liked them living here. I’m sure you’ll get to see them even after they move out.” I was surprised when he started to hug me back. The baby must not have liked being squished because she started kicking.

“Was that. . .Did she just kick me?”

I giggled. “I guess she didn’t like having her space invaded.”

“Can I feel?”

“I’ve told you before, you don’t have to ask, Jefferson.” I watched as he placed a hand on my belly and as if by magic, the baby kicked his hand. He smiled up at me.

“Wow! It’s hard to believe that she’ll be out here in about two months.” I nodded. And then we’ll be the perfect family; just the three of us, with no Star to interfere.