Chapter Fifteen: Coffee Talk

 It was a cold January day and I was walking to the mall before going home to grab a cup of coffee. I wasn’t normally a big coffee drinker but when it was this cold, I didn’t mind drinking it. I usually drank hot chocolate, but the place in the mall didn’t have very good hot chocolate and I didn’t want to walk somewhere else.

As I walked down the street I thought about all that had happened in the last two months. Bridge and Carson had gotten engaged during Christmas and were making plans for their future. Carson was graduating in May and that more than likely meant that Rosamund and I were going to need at least one other roommate. I was somewhat relieved that Bridge and Carson were probably moving out since that meant that Rosamund and Bridge would be separated. Bridge had been better at keeping her comments to herself but I could tell she still had issues with Rosamund and it would just be easier if they weren’t together.

I was stirred from my thoughts by the force of me bumping into someone. “Oh! I’m so sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going.” I looked up to see a girl in front of me and was shocked to see that it was, Star.

She looked up at me and we stared at each other for a minute. I almost didn’t recognize her. She had grown her hair out and it was straighter than her normal curly hair. I hadn’t seen her since Rosamund’s and my wedding and she had changed a lot in the past six month.

“Oh. Hi Jeff.” She looked down at the ground. “I wasn’t watching where I was going either so I guess it was both of our faults. No worries.” She stepped to the side and continued walking in the direction she had been traveling.

“Wait, Star.” She stopped but didn’t turn around as I ran up to her. “I was going to get some coffee; do you think you’d like to get some too?” She turned back around and looked both confused and shocked.

“You don’t like coffee.” She stated.

“I know, but when it’s this blasted cold I drink it occasionally to help get warm. We could catch up while we drink.” She looked unsure. I really didn’t expect her to agree since it had been so long since we talked; and when we had talked last, it didn’t end well. After what seemed like an eternity she looked up at me.

“I guess I can grab a cup. I don’t have another class for an hour.”

We silently walked into the shop and got some coffee. We sat down at a table and sat in silence, neither of us knowing what to say. After staring at my cup for several minutes, I finally was brave enough to break the ice.

“I guess you heard about Bridge and Carson getting engaged?” She nodded. “They’re talking about maybe moving back to Appaloosa after the semester ends and the wedding.”

“Tell them I said congratulations.” She offered.

“I will.”

“How are you and Rosamund?” I didn’t know how to take her question. Was she asking out of concern, anger, just for chit-chat; I wasn’t quite sure. She must have sensed my uneasiness because she immediately clarified.

“I heard about the baby, I’m really sorry Jeff. It must be really hard for both of you. I thought about sending a card or something after I heard but I didn’t know what either of you would think so I opted not to.”

“We’re okay. There are easier days and harder days. She blamed herself a lot after it first happened. Surprisingly, I think it’s made us closer but I would have much rather had that happen from a different situation.”

“I can’t imagine what you both have gone through.” There was an uncomfortable silence as we each continued to drink our coffee.

“So, how has your school year been?” I asked her after several minutes of silence.

“It’s been good. I guess I’m like you taking mostly core freshman classes right now. It will be interesting to see what next year is like when I start taking interior design classes. I have two classes this semester with Peter so that’s been nice.”

“I had a class with him last semester. We’ve been texting since I got back from Christmas break. I’m supposed to have lunch with him next week.” There was another uncomfortable silence. It was sad how at one time Star and I could sit together for hours and have no problem talking and here we were unable to have a conversation without it being extremely uncomfortable. I looked down at my mug and watched the steam rise from the coffee.

“Jeff,” She sighed. “I’ve been wanting to say I’m sorry for the way I acted back in Appaloosa.”

“For the way you acted?” I looked at her in disbelief. “Star, I’m the one that should apologize. I never should have acted the way I did toward you on prom night.”

“I know you’re sorry, Jeff, but I acted pretty badly toward you and Rosamund too. I wasn’t a very supportive friend. For me it just seemed like everything was coming at me and I couldn’t catch my breath. I was so wrapped up in what I was dealing with and what I was feeling; I didn’t see what you were going through. I’m really sorry.” She looked down at her mug and took a sip of her coffee.

“We both did things that we’re sorry for.  The question is, can we forgive each other?”

She looked at me. “I forgave you a while ago Jeff. I just didn’t think it mattered since I was sure you and Rosamund had to be mad at me.”

“Honestly, Star; and I don’t mean this in a snippy way, I’ve been through so much in the last six month, I haven’t had time to be mad at you. I wasn’t thrilled in Appaloosa but once we moved here and the. . .miscarriage happened, my main focus has been on Rosamund and school.”

“And that’s what it should be, Jeff.”

“So as to the question ‘can I forgive you’ I guess, in my opinion, I was the one who had done something unforgivable so I never thought that I needed to forgive you for anything. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.”

I looked at my watch and noticed that it was almost 3 o’clock. “I need to get going. Rosamund is expecting me home at three. Can I email or text you sometime?”

“Sure. Maybe Peter, you , Rosamund and I can get together sometime.” She suggested.

“That would be fun.” I stood up and pushed my chair in. “I’m glad I ran into you.”

“Me too.” She said with a smile.

I walked out of the mall and grabbed a taxi to the house. The events that had just happened almost didn’t feel real to me. It had been so long since I had seen Star that I had pretty much given up hope that we would ever be friends again.

I arrived home and as I walked in the door I saw Bridge in the kitchen. “Hey. Any progress on wedding plans?”

“Not so much. We definitely don’t want a big wedding like you and Rosamund had. Something simpler since it will be happening right after Carson graduates. There’s so much going on, I don’t know how we’re going to get it all done.”

“You can do it. I’m sure Rosamund wouldn’t mind helping you with wedding planning. I don’t blame you one bit for not wanting a large wedding. We didn’t intend to have one as big as it ended up being; you know Mom though, and once Regina joined in, the invite list got huge.”

“I keep thinking that if we have the wedding somewhere besides Appaloosa, she won’t be able to have as much control and Carson and I can limit the number of people.”

“I know the perfect place!” Rosamund said as she entered the kitchen. She came up and kissed my cheek and continued. 

“Paradise Island is beautiful and so peaceful! It’s where Jeff and I honeymooned.”

Bridge smiled politely. “I’m sure it’s wonderful, Rosamund. I don’t know if we’d want to have the wedding somewhere we’ve never been before.”

“Oh, I understand that.” Rosamund agreed. “I could show you pictures and video of our honeymoon if you’re interested though. It can give you a starting point.”

I watched as Bridge wrinkled her nose as she always did when she was thinking. I was shocked by her response. “Well, if both of you loved it so much maybe Carson and I should take a look at it.”

“Really?! I’ll get the photo album and video out after dinner.”

“Thanks. I really appreciate it, Rosamund.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Had my sister actually just thoughtfully taken advice from my wife? It didn’t seem possible. Carson came in just then and Bridge filled him in on the conversation she and Rosamund had just had. I walked upstairs and got ready to finish my homework and study.

“How was your day?” Rosamund asked as she walked into the room.

“It was good.” I placed my history book on the desk and turned around. “I ran into Star, literally this afternoon.”

“Oh. . .did you talk long?”

“I was on my way to get some coffee since it’s so cold out today. I almost didn’t recognize her. Anyway, we grabbed some coffee together and talked a little.”

“What did you talk about?”

“About how each of us were sorry how things ended in Appaloosa. She had heard about. . .what happened after we moved here and was sorry. We talked about Bridge and Carson a little. It was a very strained conversation but at the end of it, we agreed that maybe the four of us; you, Peter, her and me could get together sometime.”

“That would be. . .fun.”

“Rosamund, what’s up?”

She took a deep breath in and sighed heavily. “I don’t know, maybe I’m just not as forgiving a person as you are. She wasn’t very kind to you and that upsets me.”

“I wasn’t very kind to her, either.” I replied.

****Rosamund****

I watched as he got a pained expression on his face. It seemed like every time I thought Star was out of the picture, she would pop up again. She was like an undead zombie; always trying to suck the life out of Jefferson’s and my relationship. Then there was the whole conversation he said he had with her about the miscarriage. We hardly ever talked about it, which in some ways I was relieved since it meant I didn’t have to lie, but I didn’t like that he was talking about it with her and not with me.

As I thought about what he said, I got even more angry. He wasn’t kind to her either?! I thought back to Thanksgiving when I found out that he had almost kissed her prom night, right before he and I slept together. I envisioned the two of them kissing and I had a visual of bashing her face in.

“Why do you look so angry?” His question interrupted my thoughts.

I didn’t want to tell him that I was visualizing bashing Star’s face in. I panicked for a moment and grabbed onto the only other thing I could think of. “You talked to her about the miscarriage but you hardly ever talk to me about it.” I complained.

He looked sad and then angry. “What am I supposed to say Rosamund? I’ve comforted you and tried to help you get through it, but you’ve barely showed any consideration for what I’ve gone through.”

I was stunned. I had never heard Jefferson talk this way. “What do you mean? I’m the one that went through it! You’re supposed to comfort me!” I snapped back.

“You’re the one that went through it?! The last time I checked, it takes two people to make a child! I also lost a baby. I have comforted you Rosamund, but you haven’t been there very much for me. I’ve been going to school, trying to keep my grades up, helping you, comforting you, and being strong for you! I haven’t gotten much back in return. Maybe I found it easier to talk to Star since she’s completely removed from the situation!”

He started to walk out of the room and I blocked his way.  I needed to get control of the situation. The last thing I wanted to do was to get in a battle of wills over the whole miscarriage thing. After all, his feelings were genuine since he thought there was actually a baby and I could only fake mine so much.

“Jefferson, I’m sorry! You have been there for me and I didn’t mean it that way. I just wish you would talk to me about it. I know you’ve had a tough time and I want to be there for you like you’ve been there for me.” I prayed that he would calm down.

As he stood there staring past me I could tell that he was trying to calm himself down.  He took several deep breaths and finally looked at me. “I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s just so hard to think about. I had just told Star today that I thought you and I had grown closer after it and here we are fighting.”

That made me feel a little sense of victory. “I think you’re right, we are closer. I also think that what just happened is normal Jefferson. You need to let what you’re feeling out. You can’t bottle it in or you’re going to become miserable. All I’m asking is that you talk to me, your wife about it.”

He hugged me. “You’re right, I promise from now on I’ll talk to you about it. I guess I was so worried that if I talked to you it would make you feel bad and I didn’t want to do that.”

“I know; I’m sorry. How about I go make you a cup of hot chocolate and you start studying.” He kissed me.

“I love you.” He didn’t say it often, but when he did it made my heart skip a beat. 

“I know. I love you too. I’ll be back in a minute with your drink.” I walked out and smiled at myself. The last thing I wanted was Jefferson talking to Star about our marriage and hopefully now he wouldn’t. One thing was certain though, if he and Star were going to start being friends again, I needed to keep her close so I could keep an eye on her. After all, it was always smart to keep your friends close and your enemies even closer.