Chapter Twenty Four: Seeing For the First Time

So I left you wonderful readers with quite the cliffhanger for a couple of months. . .Sorry! It's been challenging to figure out how to write both this story and Listening after school started. I also had Rosamund overload. . .I can only take so much of her. lol! Hopefully, I'll be able to publish chapters on a more frequent basis. Thanks for your patience! Hope this was worth the wait! ;)

 

****Jeff****

Right before the pizza arrived I noticed that Rosamund had come out of the bedroom. I had never heard her come out and wondered how long it had been since she had come out. She walked over to where I was and looked down at Maggie laying in the bassinet. “I’m sorry that I got upset earlier. My emotions have just been all over the place lately.”

I nodded. “I should have told you that Star and Peter were going to be here. I just didn’t want to upset you before we got home.”

“I know. It’s okay.” I heard a door slam and I saw Peter come out of the doorway that led to the rooftop. He walked past us and started to go up the stairs.

“I thought you were hungry?” I called after him.

“I lost my appetite.” He said as he continued to walk up the stairs and I then heard him slam his door.

I looked at Rosamund and then over at Star. “What’s up with him?”

“I have no idea.” Rosamund stated.

Star and I looked at each other and she shrugged her shoulders.  The doorbell rang and I paid the delivery guy. Star grabbed a couple slices and took a plate upstairs with her. That left Rosamund, Maggie and I alone for the first time since we’d gotten back to campus. We mostly ate in silence, which was pretty normal these days. We did occasionally talk about what needed to be done for Maggie since there were a couple things that still needed to be done around the house. The nursery still wasn’t quite ready but since she was sleeping in the bedroom with us, there wasn’t a huge rush to get it done.

We finished eating dinner and Rosamund went over to where Maggie was lying in the bassinet. I watched as she picked her up and then walked into the kitchen. “Do you want to get her bottle ready and I’ll feed her?”

I was almost done preparing Maggie’s bottle when she started crying. I handed Rosamund the bottle and she tried to give it to Maggie. No matter what she tried, Maggie acted like she didn’t want it. “Oh for heaven’s sake! Here! You try!” Rosamund huffed. I took Maggie from Rosamund and she stopped crying. I put the bottle up to her lips and she started to drink.

“Figures. Just as well, I suppose. I’m tired and I’m starting to feel pain again. I’m going to go take some medicine and lie down.” I nodded and watched her walk into the bedroom. There was no question that Rosamund was acting better today, but she still had a long way to go. She was still acting depressed and I was still concerned about how many pain pills she was taking.

I sighed and looked down at Maggie. She was staring up at me like she always did with her big blue eyes. I smiled down at her as she drank and watched as she started getting sleepy as she got closer to finishing the bottle. I always thought it was funny to watch her fight to keep her eyes open. Eventually the sleepiness won and I went into the bedroom to change her diaper and put her in the crib. She must have been really tired since she didn’t even wake up when I changed her. I placed her in the crib and turned on the monitor. 

As I left the room I looked over at Rosamund. She was sound asleep on the bed, the bottle of pain pills laying on the nightstand. I shook my head again and closed the door, spending the next several hours watching tv. Neither Star or Peter came back downstairs. I had no idea what had gotten into Peter but I was definitely going to ask him tomorrow before Mom got there. I wondered what she was going to think about everything once she got here. There wasn’t much on tv and I was starting to get sleepy. I looked at the clock and decided to go to bed.  I turned off the tv and lights and got ready for bed trying to be quiet so I didn’t wake up Maggie. I quietly climbed into bed and tried to go to sleep.

I was woken up suddenly and at first I didn’t know what had woken me up. I looked over at the clock and saw that it was around two in the morning. I laid still for a minute thinking that maybe Maggie had made a noise that had woken me up. I didn’t hear anything from her though and I tried to go back to sleep. I was just about to fall asleep again when I heard Rosamund mumbling. I rolled my eyes; her mumbling must have woken me up. I rolled over and tried to get comfortable but Rosamund started tossing and turning.

“Jefferson. . .” She said while she was still sleeping. I figured whatever her dream was, I was either in it or involved in it some way. I tried to go back to sleep again but she kept mumbling. “No baby. . .” I didn’t know what she was dreaming of at that moment since that didn’t make any sense to me. She continued to toss and turn and mumble. 

I gave up; there was no way I was going to get any sleep with her talking and tossing and turning. I grabbed my pillow and the monitor so I could go sleep in the living room. I started to tiptoe toward the door when I heard her start talking again. “Fake miscarriage. . .” I froze. 

Had she really just said fake miscarriage? My heart stopped as I tried to make sense of what she had said. I decided that she just must be having a weird dream and walked out to the living room. 

I laid down on the couch and tried to go back to sleep but no matter how hard I tried to fall asleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Rosamund had said in her sleep. Jefferson. . .no baby. . .fake miscarriage. . .I was sure that it had to be part of some drug induced dream but I could help but wonder what if it wasn’t. That’s stupid, Jeff! No one would fake a miscarriage. . .Would they? 

I sat up and started thinking back over the last several years. There was no ultrasound pictures from the first pregnancy and this time Rosamund had been excited to show me. When I asked her about them, she said she got rid of them because she couldn’t bear to look at them. There had never been any physical proof that she was pregnant the first time. 

I stood up and ran up the stairs to the attic. I was sure I was overreacting but I needed to know for sure that I was. I pulled the ladder down and climbed up to the attic and turned the light on and looked for the boxes that Rosamund had brought when we moved here. I only found two and I opened up the first one and found that there wasn’t much in it; mostly knickknacks. 

I opened the next box and there were several books and I pulled most of them out and looked at their titles; most of them were photography books and some were cookbooks. I was getting close to the bottom of the box and starting to think that I had lost my mind. Here I was in the attic, it was the middle of the night, and I was looking for evidence that my wife had faked a miscarriage. 

I shook my head and picked up several books to place them back in the box. As I started placing them back in, I noticed a pregnancy book that was peeking out from underneath a cookbook. It was on the very bottom. I moved the cookbook over and picked up the pregnancy book. I let out a sigh of relief. I figured that the pregnancy book was evidence that she had been pregnant. It didn’t make sense to me why would she have wanted it if she hadn’t been. I sat down and clutched the book to my chest and felt horrible that I had even entertained the idea of Rosamund faking a miscarriage. I eventually looked at the mess I had made in my attempt to find evidence against Rosamund and shook my head as I got on my knees and put the pregnancy book down on the floor and I started picking up books and placing them back in the box. I turned to pick up the pregnancy book and noticed a piece of paper sticking out that I hadn’t seen before and unfolded it.

It was a page that had been printed off a forum from the internet. The title of the thread was ‘How to fake a miscarriage.’ I felt the blood rush from my face and as I put the paper down, it started to feel the room was spinning. It was several minutes before I could open my eyes and it didn’t look like the room was spinning out of control. I picked up the pregnancy book and paper and walked down the attic stairs in a haze.  After making my way downstairs, I sat down on one of the kitchen stools still not want to believe that Rosmaund was capable of faking a miscarriage. I thought that perhaps I had read the paper wrong and unfolded it to start reading again:

 

I read the first response:

The next response was from the original poster:

The very next response floored me:

I cringed as I read on:

The next person ellaborated:

I thought back to when Rosamund was in the hospital after the miscarriage. . .I could have sworn the doctor had told me that she had had a miscarriage. I remembered being in the emergency room with Bridge and Carson and the doctor had come in to tell me how Rosamund was doing.  As I tried to remember exactly what he said I closed my eyes. 

I could picture him in my head and I remembered asking him if Rosamund was okay and he said that he had examined her and saw that there wasn’t a baby. ‘No evidence of a baby. . .’ That’s what he had said! Was that the doctor’s way of trying to tell me that she hadn’t really been pregnant?

I never saw an ultrasound, I never saw a pregnancy test, I never knew of her going to the doctor, she never had any symptoms of being pregnant, the doctor never saw any evidence of a baby, she acted like she didn’t understand why I was so upset over losing the baby; it all pointed to her never being pregnant. But what fully convinced me was the piece of paper that I was holding. I felt like I was going to be sick and  I rushed over to the sink and repeatedly vomited in it. 

I lost count how many times it happened but when I was done my whole body was shaking and I tried to steady myself using the counter. I eventually stopped shaking enough that I was able to grab the pregnancy book and the piece of paper and walked over to the couch to sit down. 

Blankly staring straight ahead I lost track of how long I sat there but at some point I noticed that there were tears streaming down my face. I had been such a fool. All the people that tried to warn me, Star, Bridge, Charlie, even Peter; and Star and Bridge had tried repeatedly. Star had even warned me that she thought Rosamund might be the type of person to lie about being pregnant. Oh my God! Who the hell have I been married to? It was like I was seeing for the first time who Rosamund really was. I started to wonder what else she had lied to me about. Had she ever really loved me? Had any of our relationship been real? Just how far had she gone. . .?

 I looked over at the bedroom door and felt my disbelief turning to anger. I wanted answers and I wanted them at that very moment.

“ROSAMUND!!!”

I heard her murmur through the monitor. “ROSAMUND GET OUT HERE NOW!!!” I heard her scramble in the monitor and the bedroom door flung open.

“What the hell are you doing, Jefferson! You’re going to wake the baby!”

“The baby?! Oh you mean the one in our bedroom!” I heard a commotion coming from upstairs and Star and Peter came flying down the stairs.

“What’s going on, Jeff?!” Peter asked as they both came into the living room.

“Did you know that you’ve been mumbling and talking in your sleep, Rosamund?” I asked her more calmly.

“No, why?”

“Most of the time you’ve made no sense. But tonight. . .tonight you said something that shocked me so much that I got up and tried to disprove it. Imagine my surprise when I found out that it was true.”

She looked over at Peter. “You!!”

Peter looked shocked. “I have no idea what he’s talking about!” He said to her. He turned and looked back at me “What is this all about Jeff?”

I picked up the piece of paper and flung it at her. It landed at her feet and she picked it up. I watched as she opened it and the color drained from her face. She looked up at me and I had never seen her look that scared. 

“I can explain, Jefferson!”

“Really, I can’t wait to hear how you’re going to explain how you FAKED A MISCAIRRAGE! OH! And let’s not forget how you FAKED BEING PREGNANT WHEN WE GOT MARRIED!!”

Star and Peter slowly turned their heads and looked shocked at Rosamund.  “I didn’t! Why did you go through my things anyway?!”

“Don’t try to turn this around on me and don’t try to deny it! Everything points to it! The paper only confirms it! I was woken up by something and I thought it was Maggie but I soon realized that you were mumbling in your sleep again. I tried to go back to sleep but every time I did, you said something. The first time it was just my name.  Which I didn’t think was odd, but the next two times were what started to get me thinking. You then said ‘No baby’ and then as I was getting ready to leave the room you said ‘Fake miscarriage.’”

I didn’t think any more color could drain from her face but she got even paler. “There was never a positive pregnancy test, there was never any ultrasound pictures even though you were over two months pregnant, you acted somewhat sad after the ‘miscarriage’ but soon you were pressuring me to get over it. Even the doctor said that he saw no evidence of a baby!”

She looked furious. “That can’t be true?!”

“Why, because you asked him to not tell me that you were never pregnant? How did you do it? You were dehydrated and weak. What did you do to yourself that caused you to be in that condition?”

She stood there glaring at me. 

“Is it true? Did you really fake it all?” Star shockingly asked.

“Oh shut up you stupid slut! You’ve been after him since high school and have no shame in flaunting yourself at a married man!”

Star’s face turned white and I watched as Peter narrowed his eyes at her. “She’s done no such thing! But you! You offer to sleep with other men even though you’re married!”

“What are you talking about, Peter?” I demanded.

“Earlier tonight we were on the rooftop and she tried to convince me to sleep with her.”

“Shut up you piece of shit!” Rosamund yelled at him.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Peter?” He looked at Star and bit his bottom lip. I looked over at Rosamund and she couldn’t hide the slight smirk that was on her lips. 

“I’m sorry, Star.” He said as he looked at her and she looked confused. “Rosamund threatened me that if I told you about it she would tell you why Star and I broke up.” 

I looked back and forth at Star and Peter. “Why would that matter?”

“I had promised that I wouldn’t ever tell anyone unless Star either did it first or she gave me permission to. I didn’t know what to do. I lied to Rosamund and agreed to not tell you but I was trying to figure out how I could tell you without Rosamund telling you about Star and me.”

“That’s why you came back in to the house and was upset.” I realized and Peter nodded. “And that’s why you got mad at him when you first came out. . .you thought he had told me about what happened on the rooftop.”

“Jefferson, he’s lying!!”

“I”ve never known Peter to lie to me; but you, you’ve lied about being pregnant, having a miscarriage. . .what else have you lied about?! Did you lie about loving me?! Was all of this just one big lie?!!”

“Please, Jefferson!! You’ve got to believe me!! They’re the ones that have been lying to you!! They’ve convinced you that I’m a horrible person!!!”

“They’ve done no such thing! The only person who’s convinced me of that is you! I don’t even know who the hell I’m married to!! What type of a person fakes being pregnant, let alone a miscarriage?!!”

“Please, Jefferson!!! I can explain!!!”

“I don’t want to listen to anything else you have to say!” I said with a disgusted tone. I walked into the bedroom and picked up Maggie who was awake but not making any noise. I walked back out and Rosamund stared wide eyed at me as I placed Maggie in the bassinet.

“What are you doing?!!”

“Something that I should have done a long time ago but was too afraid to do it; we’re done Rosamund. I’m not going to stay married to someone who’s lied to me time and time again and I sure as hell am not going to allow my daughter to be around anyone who is crazy enough to fake a pregnancy and miscarriage!”

“You can’t keep her from me!!”

“Oh yes I can!!”

“If you divorce me I’ll take every penny you have and I’ll win full custody of her!!! Daddy will make sure of that!!” I quickly walked over and grabbed the piece of paper that had talked about faking a miscarriage. Rosamund tried to stop me but I was too quick for her.

“If you think I’m going to roll over and give up because you’re threatening to take my money, you have sorely misjudged who you think I am. I would rather be penniless and have a clear conscious than to just hand over my daughter to a deranged, lying, manipulative woman like you!! And if you think that any jury is going to give you even partial custody after what you’ve done, you’re insane!! You’ll be lucky if you get supervised visitation!!”

We stood there glaring at each other until I finally had enough of looking at her. “You have ten minutes to grab what you need. . .”

“You can’t throw me out!!! I live here!!!”

“You’re right, I technically can’t throw you out, but I can leave with Maggie. Plus, you can’t stand Star and Peter, do you really want to stay here, alone, with them.”

She looked over at Peter and then at Star. She glared at Star and if looks could kill, Rosamund would have killed Star right there. “Fine, I’ll leave, but this isn’t over!” She exclaimed as she looked at Star. Star looked over at Peter and then me. Peter went over to her and put his arm around her. I watched as Rosamund stomped into our bedroom and listened as she open and slammed drawers, the whole time swearing under her breath. She came back out several minutes later. “Are you going to let me come back and get my stuff or are you going to try to keep me from doing that too?”

“I’ll allow it, but only after you tell me when you’re coming so I can be here. And don’t bother trying to get in with your key. The locks will be changed today.” She gave me a nasty look and looked one more time at Star. She turned toward the door and walked out slamming it behind her. I waited until I heard the sound of a car pulling away before I let out a breath and sat down on the couch and.

“Jeff, what should we do with Maggie?” Star asked. I looked over at her and realized that Maggie was crying. I immediately stood up and carried Maggie; walking around with her trying to calm her down. After several minutes she stopped crying and started to go back to sleep. I didn’t want her out of my sight right then and placed her back down in the bassinet. I looked down at her and wished that things were different; because of my stupid mistakes Maggie was going to grow up having two parents that couldn’t stand each other. It wasn’t fair to her and it broke my heart.

“Jeff. . .” Peter said as I walked back to the couch.

I realized that I had tears in my eyes and I wiped them away before I turned around. “I’m sorry. I involved both of you in that. . .I’m sorry.” I admitted; not being able to look them in the eye.

“You don’t have to apologize, Jeff.” Star said

“Yeah, I do. For a lot of things.” I continued to look down at the floor and I honestly didn’t know what to do. I was in complete shock about what had happened, this morning we had left Appaloosa thinking that we were going to try to start a life as family and now we were one of the most dysfunctional families I had heard of.

“What are you going to do, Jeff?” Peter asked and I looked at him.

“About what? Rosamund? Maggie? School?” I asked him.

“Well, yeah. . .”

“Peter, give him time. He’s obviously still in shock about what just happened. Hell! We all are!”

“It’s okay, Star.” I paused for a moment as I thought.  “I will be changing the locks on the house this morning. I’ll give you each a set of new keys and you can keep them or give them back when you move out.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Peter said.

“That’s okay, Peter. You don’t have to stay. . .”

“I said I wasn’t going anywhere.” I nodded and looked back down at the floor.

“I’m not either.” Star said quietly. I looked up at her and nodded again.

“I guess I also better find myself a damn good divorce lawyer because even with the proof I have, it’s still going to be a hell of a fight going up against her dad.”

“If you need me to testify, I will.” Peter offered and Star nodded.

“I might have to take you up on that offer. . .” He nodded and I looked back over at Maggie. “As for school. . .I don’t know right now. I have to think about Maggie now.”

“Surely you can finish. You only have one more year.” Star suggested.

I shook my head. “I have to think about other things right now. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” We stood there in silence and I looked over at the clock. It was almost five and I had only gotten about two hours of sleep. “I know one thing I’m going to do.” They both looked at me. “I’m going to feed Maggie a bottle, change her, and then put her back down while I try to get at least a couple more hours of sleep.”

“Are you going to be able to sleep after all of this?” Peter wondered.

“I don’t know, but I’m going to try.” I went into the kitchen and made a bottle for Maggie. As I turned around to go get her out of the bassinet I saw that Star had already gotten her and brought her to me. I took Maggie from her and tried to smile at her. 

“Both of you should try to get some sleep.” They tried to argue with me but I told them that there wasn’t anything they could do and that it would do all of us some good if we got even just an hour or two more sleep. They silently nodded and headed up stairs as I walked into the bedroom and fed Maggie. I looked around the room to see what was missing. It didn’t look like Rosamund had taken much but one thing I did notice was gone was the bottle of pain medication. I shook my head thinking how because of that medication, I had found out that my whole marriage had been a complete lie. 

Maggie finished her bottle and after changing her diaper, I cuddled with her and then put her back in her crib. She looked up at me with sleepy eyes and before long, she was sleeping.

I slowly made my way over to the bed and laid down but didn’t fall asleep. Instead I stared up at the ceiling thinking about how incredibly ashamed I felt for falling for  Rosamund and believing anything she had told me. 

What I was the most ashamed of was how I had let this insanity go on for so long because I had been worried about my future career. I looked over at Maggie’s crib and I shook my head at how stupid I had been. As I listened to her breath, I couldn’t help but think how much had changed in the two weeks since she had been born. It was shocking how a tiny human being could change a person’s life so much and make them truly realize what was important. That’s what Maggie had done for me; she had helped me to finally open my eyes, and see things as they really were.